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It isn’t what I want for her.
“I can go right now,” she insists as fresh tears leak from her eyes. “None of it matters anymore. I just want to be with you.”
“Bianca, I can’t.” I choke out the words as I set her aside to create some distance. “I have to get my head straight, and you can’t be a part of that. If you really want to leave, I’ll help you. I’ll set you up somewhere. I’ll give you anything you need. But it just… it can’t be with me right now.”
She stares at me, and my chest caves in as the last ember of hope dies in her. It wasn’t my intention to hurt her. The last thing I want is to set her free. But I’d rather have her happy and healthy at a distance than see her love turn to hate while she’s right next to me.
“I’m not good for anyone right now,” I tell her. “But especially you, peaches. I can’t bring you into my mess.”
She swipes at her tears, and all the pain inside her turns to anger as she glares at me. “That’s a bullshit excuse. Don’t treat me like I don’t know what I’m doing or what I want. All I’ve ever wanted is you. And I’m telling you right now, we can figure it out. I’ll help you—”
“You can’t help me.” I close my eyes with a sigh. “This is something I have to do on my own.”
She releases a sob and scrambles for the door, and I curse as I try to catch her but fail. I yank up the zipper on my jeans and chase after her down the street. She’s crying so violently, it fucking tears me apart, but not as much as it does when she trips and falls onto the sidewalk.
“Bianca.” I grab her around the waist and pull her up, wiping the blood from her face.
“I hate you!” She shoves at me. “Don’t pretend you care. I wish I’d never met you.”
I let her fight against me for a solid two minutes before her rage gives way to grief, and she nearly collapses in my arms.
“It’s okay, baby,” I tell her in a gravelly voice as I carry her back to the truck. “It’s going to be okay. In time, you’ll see that.”
When I set her down on the passenger seat, she refuses to look at me, and I know at that moment, whether or not I meant to, I’ve broken her.
“You’re nothing but a goddamn liar,” she whispers. “Just like everyone else.”
Chapter 83
Madden
“I think I’m gonna call it a night.” Kieran lingers at the end of the hallway, watching me mindlessly strum my guitar.
I nod at him. “Thanks for getting the girls to bed. Take care of Tori, yeah?”
A spark of determination flashes in his eyes. “I will.”
I have no doubt he will, and I’m grateful for his presence while all this shit unfolds with Adam on the news. Tori needs someone to be her rock right now, and I know Kieran is the man for the job. In a weird twist of fate, they seem to be crazy about each other, and even though it’s brand new, I have a feeling he’ll be sticking around.
As he walks down the hall, I realize I’m more than okay with that. He’s been like a brother to me, and even when I really didn’t deserve it, he’s always had my back. We’ve been through a lot of shit, but we seem to have come out on the other side of it now. And I know we’d all be happy if he stayed.
I set my guitar aside and lean back against the sofa, closing my eyes. It’s been a long fucking day, and I’m exhausted, but I can’t stop thinking about Bianca. I’ve been checking in with Birdie to the point that I’m annoying the hell out of her. She’s assured me multiple times that Bianca was okay, but it doesn’t make me hate myself any less for not being there with her. If I didn’t know it was only going to upset her more, I would have. But I’m trying to do what Birdie suggested and give her space and time. At this point, it’s the only thing I can do.
I sigh and think about smoking a joint. Instead, I end up zoning out as I stare up at the ceiling, listening to the rain pelt the roof. It’s been pouring all night, and I can’t help thinking it feels symbolic. I can only imagine how many tears are being shed right now by the families of Adam’s victims. They’ve linked five sets of remains to the women on his hard drive, but there’s still the potential for more.
He disposed of them like trash. Those women had people who loved them, and he didn’t think twice about the devastation he’d leave behind after he got his five minutes of twisted pleasure. He’s ruined so many lives, and I can’t stop thinking about what I could have done to stop him. I’m still having a difficult time accepting that I missed the signs. When I look back, they weren’t always glaringly obvious, but there are things I should have questioned harder. I should have pushed Bianca for answers. I should never have listened to the noise coming out of everyone else’s mouths. But I can’t go back and do it over now, no matter how much I might want to.
