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“Let’s do ‘Tomorrow Never Came.’” I blow on my fingers and adjust my shoulder strap.
“God, you and that song.” Eden rolls her eyes. “I regret ever introducing you to Lana Del Ray.”
Despite her griping, she plays it with me. We make another fifty cents for our performance and then call it quits, packing up our guitar cases and our backpacks.
Eden counts the change and scrunches her face in frustration. “Definitely not enough for a motel room.”
“At least we have enough for a hot dog,” I say, trying to look on the bright side.
“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Eden slings her guitar case over her shoulder and traipses down the street, leaving me to follow. I know what she’s really pissed about isn’t the hot dog we’ll have to split for dinner or the lack of a motel room. Eden never minds sleeping wherever she has to, as long as she can get her fix.
This routine gets old, but the alternative is that if we weren’t sticking together, we’d be completely alone. And that’s a reality neither of us wants to face.
We walk to the Golden Nugget and spend a good chunk of our money on dinner. It’s just enough to stop my stomach from protesting so I can sleep tonight. The casino is warm, and my eyes are heavy, but we still have to find a place to crash.
“Come on.” Eden gathers up her things. “Let’s go to the tunnels.”
I hesitate, the memory of that creepy dude from earlier reminding me how vulnerable we are in the tunnels. Eden has a tendency to run off in the middle of the night, leaving me alone while she does whatever. I’m tired, and I don’t want to argue, but I just want to be warm and safe, at least for tonight.
“How about the sports book at the Wynn?” I suggest. “We can take turns sleeping until they close.”
“Fine,” she grumbles. “But when we get kicked out, I’m going to the tunnels.”
We catch the bus using recycled day tickets we scavenged from the trash earlier. I close my eyes just for a second, and before I know it, Eden is poking me to wake up.
“We’re here.”
We trudge into the Wynn and find a couple of empty chairs inside the sports book. Eden puts the rest of our change into her pocket, and I eye her warily.
“How much do we have left?”
“Five bucks,” she says. “Enough for breakfast tomorrow.”
I nod and consider telling her I’ll hold on to it, but I’m too drained for an argument.
“Go to sleep,” she tells me. “I’ll take the first watch.”
“Mmmkay.” I close my eyes and lean back. “Don’t go anywhere.”
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Blood slides down my fingers, splattering onto the tile floor beneath me. I clamp my palm over my mouth, and the scent of copper invades my nostrils. Fighting off a wave of nausea, I try to wipe it off my face, but I can’t. The crimson liquid running down my arms pools at my feet, rising like a river around me until it sweeps me away and pulls me under. I reach for the surface, gasping for air, but it doesn’t exist. All I can see is red, weighing me down. Suffocating. And then… nothing.
“Hey.” Someone shakes my shoulder, jarring me awake. I open my groggy eyes to find casino security staring down at me, and the guy looks peeved as hell. “I already told you last week you can’t sleep in here. Now get the hell out before I call the police.”
Crap.
I glance around, but Eden is nowhere in sight. All her shit is here, but she’s not. I don’t have to check to know the money is gone, too.
“Sorry,” I murmur, grabbing all our stuff and forcing my body to move.
I don’t find Eden in the casino, but I suspect she won’t be far, and I’m right. Outside, among the trees and pretty landscaping, I catch her on her knees getting plowed by some random dude. A sour taste fills my mouth as I take a seat on the grass and turn away, putting in my headphones to wait until she’s done.
I listen to some downloaded music on my pay-as-you-go phone and look up at the stars, wondering where my life went so wrong. I don’t like to think about it, but it’s hard not to at moments like these. Not knowing who I was before has left a chasm deep inside me that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fix. My life is empty and lonely, but it’s the only thing I know, and even on the bad days, I tell myself it’s okay. Because nothing can ever be worse than waking up in a hospital surrounded by strangers. Waiting days and then weeks for someone who loves you to show up and tell you everything will be all right, only to realize that’s never going to happen.
