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I’m afraid when I see you again, nothing will be left in your eyes. The spark you had will have burned away, and we will be like two strangers who never met at all. Except the truth is, I have a gaping hole in my chest and don’t think it will ever heal.
I know I’m not supposed to say that. I’m not supposed to tell you that I miss you. I’m not supposed to write you letters every day and beg your mom for scraps of information I know she doesn’t have. This silence is killing me. It’s all I think about. Please, just tell me you’re okay. Tell me how to breathe again. Tell me how to live without you.
Bianca
I read the crumpled letter for the thousandth time and then stuff it into my pocket, wondering why the fuck I even bothered to come back here.
Did I really think it would be different? That I had proven myself worthy somehow, and they’d all see me in a new light. A hostile laugh barks from my chest as I stare out at the backyard, at the happy fucking family who has been doing just fine in my absence.
Bianca’s parents have never looked prouder as they chat up Adam while he mans the grill. And my mother looks happy enough, fawning all over Bianca. But it’s that fucking diamond glinting on her finger I can’t drag my eyes away from.
There isn’t enough water in the world to wash away the acid in my mouth. Three hundred and eighty letters. That’s how many times she wrote to me. That’s how many lies spilled from her lips. And here I am, like a fucking masochist, coming back to watch the live reel.
I grip the edge of the sink and close my eyes, drawing in a ragged breath. It’s too late to get a plane out today. I just got in a couple of hours ago. There will be questions if I leave, but it doesn’t matter. I’m already formulating a story in my mind. A reason for my quick departure. Anything to get the hell out of here and away from this scene.
“Madden.” Her voice behind me startles me, and I open my eyes, but I don’t turn around.
I don’t want to see her. I want to forget she ever existed, just like she said I would.
“Are you going to join the celebration?” she asks.
“This celebration isn’t for me. It’s for Adam. You must be pretty proud of him for taking over the world.”
“Don’t be a dick,” she whispers under her breath. “This party is for both of you. Everyone’s happy to have you back home. Will you please… just look at me.”
I turn to face her, and her eyes travel the length of my body. I’ve grown in size, thanks to the brutal physical routine I’ve maintained over the past year. It hasn’t escaped Bianca’s notice, and she doesn’t try to hide the heat in her gaze. But I won’t allow myself to fall into that trap because I’ve wanted to believe a lot of things when it comes to her that just aren’t true.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” she chokes out. “I’ve been waiting all afternoon to see you.”
“Why?” I answer bitterly. “What difference does it make?”
She dips her head, and I can’t help noticing she’s thinner than the last time I saw her. Too thin. Her hair isn’t as shiny as I remember, and her skin isn’t as radiant. She looks malnourished, and I don’t fucking like it. And the longer I stand here, cataloging the dark shadows beneath her eyes and the large bandage on her arm, the more I wonder what the fuck is going on.
“Are you sick?” I ask her.
Her eyes snap up to mine, and she shakes her head like she’s on autopilot. “No. I just… I didn’t get much sleep last night. If I’m being honest, I haven’t slept well since you left.”
“I don’t know why,” I tell her honestly. “You’re with Adam. You shouldn’t be thinking about me.”
Pain lances across her features, and I don’t fucking understand it. I don’t understand anything she does.
“I’ve been thinking about this moment for so long.” Emotion strangles her voice. “But now that you’re here, I can see I was right. You hate me.”
“You were the one who told me to leave, Bianca.” I stare at her in frustration. “Remember?”
“I know.” Her lip trembles. “I know what I did. But there was so much more to it that I can’t explain—"
“Madden.” Stefan enters the kitchen, his eyes cutting between the two of us. “Your brother needs Bianca’s help.”
“Oh.” Her lips slam shut, and it irritates the hell out of me. Stefan’s timing is impeccable, as always.
I watch her walk away, and Stefan’s eyes narrow in my direction. I already know I won’t like what he has to say, so I move to leave, but he reaches out and grabs my arm.
