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I stare across his chest, taking the most incredible amount of comfort from our closeness, from the feel of him caging me in his arms. It’s as if all the background noise is silenced, if only for a few moments, and the same peace I’ve found before in Billy’s arms replaces the agony and pain. I love this man, but not how I love Billy. It’s not a romantic love. Even though his presence in my life might only be temporary, like a guardian angel helping me through the darkest time of my life, I’ll always love and appreciate his intrusion into my sorrow. His sacrifices for me.
“Cancer?” Luke says out of the blue, and I nod into him.
“It’s a rare form. Radiotherapy was unsuccessful, and they can’t operate because of the position of the tumor on his spine. Neither the doctor nor Billy were willing to take the risks.”
Luke lifts me from his lap and places me on my chair, pulling my drink close. “Drink your Scotch.”
I follow his gentle order and take a small sip, while Luke polishes off his glass and holds up the empty to the waiter for another. His mind is clearly racing. “Do you need the bottle?” I ask.
He huffs a quiet, disbelieving shot of laughter, then quickly reins it in. “Surely there’s something that can be done. This is the twenty-first century, for crying out loud.”
“They’ve explored every avenue. The only option isn’t really an option.”
“Which is what?”
“An expert in America. He would operate. He thinks he could remove part of the tumor successfully. But he’s a private doctor. The cost of the surgery is tens of thousands.”
“They put a price on saving someone’s life?”
I shrug, the whole situation not maddening me anymore.
“It’s not right.” Luke accepts his fresh drink and downs it immediately. “So you just have to wait for the inevitable?”
“Billy refuses to see the doctors anymore. He’s had enough. He’s worn out, lost all hope.” I stare down into my drink, striving to keep my voice strong. “And I’m tired of fighting with him over it. He’s told me to leave him, Luke. More than once. He wants me to move on like he never existed.” I look up at him and see agony in his eyes. “How could he ask me to do that?” I fold, gripping my glass like it can save me from my anguish. “I love him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
Luke curses and shifts forward on his chair, cuddling me close. “I can’t make this go away, but I can be here for you. And I will. No matter what happens, do you hear me? If you need me, you call me. If you want to be left alone, tell me, and I’ll completely ignore you.”
I smile over my body-racking sobs, nodding, because I don’t want him to leave me alone. Not ever. Luke was right. We really did need to have this conversation, because now I feel like we’re on the same page. He understands, and he still wants to be in my life. The gratitude I feel is immeasurable. So is my admiration for him. “I promise not to ask ever again,” he whispers. “If you promise you won’t push me away.”
He’s not running away. I take a deep breath. Well, neither will I.
I take a long swig of my drink and look him straight it the eye. “How’s Steve?” I ask, telling him everything he needs to know.
He smiles, understanding. “Much better since I got a nanny.”
“You have a nanny for your dog?” Is he for real?
“Yeah, I do. I also need eyes in my arse. That dog is the most mischievous creature I’ve ever met. He had my steak right off my plate last night. I only blinked, and poof, it was gone.” He flicks his finger in the air. “And the little fucker runs like a whippet.”
I laugh as I imagine Luke chasing Steve around his house with a big juicy steak hanging out of his mouth. “He’s a beagle. What do you expect? You should have done your research.”
“He was a bit of an impulse buy,” he admits, smiling shyly. “Speaking of which, Steve misses Boris.”
“He’s only met him once.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes once is all it takes to realize you can’t live without someone.” Luke frowns, looking off into the distance.
“Are you okay?”
“This is going to be harder than I thought,” he says under his breath. To himself, I think, but I heard.
“What is?” I ask. “Has this got something to do with the kiss?” I pray to God he says what I want him to say.
Luke’s palm meets his forehead, rubbing from side to side with his eyes closed. “Lo.” He exhales my name, looking at me, and I wait, pensive, as he stares into my eyes. He eventually blinks, dropping his head, laughing under his breath. “The kiss,” he breathes. “I have no idea what came over me.” He lifts his eyes to mine again, looking at me with a determination I’ve never seen in him before. “I’m so sorry, it totally didn’t mean anything, and I really need you to know that.”
