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“I’ll survive,” I assured him. “Besides, it was worth it,” I added as he pulled back, letting out a little chuckle as he deposited the condom into a trash can full of old protein bars and beef jerky.
“You guys use this place a lot?” I asked, yanking my panties back up my legs, then dropping down to sit since my legs still felt a little wobbly.
“Some guys use this room for their guard shift instead of walking the grounds. Especially if the weather is shitty.
“So do all the guys bring their girls up here to fuck?” I asked as he came up behind me.
“Dunno,” he said. “Probably,” he added as he dropped down behind me.
I was confused for all of five seconds as his legs stretched out at my sides.
Then he was grabbing me and pulling me back against his chest.
Then his arms crossed over my chest and stayed there.
As for me?
I melted into him.
Into the sensations.
Into the certainty that I was starting to fall for him.
It was all just so perfect.
Too perfect.
Really, I should have suspected that something bad was coming.
But at that moment, I was just a woman falling in love, and maybe, just possibly, being loved in return.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Voss
I didn’t know jackshit about love.
But I’d seen the signs of it enough from the men around me as they fell that there was no missing them when they were happening in my own life.
It was subtle at first.
The way I pulled her onto my chest, curled her in at my side, reached to drape her over my lap.
Like I couldn’t get close enough.
Like I always needed to be touching her.
It was the way I decided not to go out to drink with the guys, choosing instead to stay in to watch movies and eat take-out with Sylvie.
Then it was in less subtle ways.
Like how I was suddenly thinking about shit like a future. With her.
I wasn’t a man who thought much about the future in general. I guess, to an extent, I wasn’t always sure I was going to have one. Not with the way I lived. The risks I took.
But I was suddenly considering shit.
Like a house.
How many bedrooms.
Size of the yard.
For Nitro, sure.
But I was picturing kids there too.
I’d never given a single fucking thought to fatherhood. I had always been careful, never fucking without a condom, not wanting any accidents.
Because, quite frankly, I didn’t think I had what it took to be a dad. I didn’t think I had a gentle bone in my body.
But with Sylvie’s presence in the clubhouse, especially when she was hurt and needing help, it became clear that I could do soft and gentle when it counted.
“What’s that look about?” Sully asked, sitting there in a fucking baby blue Hawaiian shirt with white pineapples all over it.
“What look?”
“Like you’re contemplating very serious life issues,” Sully asked.
“You got a good old man?” I asked.
“He cared more about work than us, but he wasn’t a shitty guy,” Sully said. “You wanna talk about shitty dads…” he said, trailing off and waving toward Sutton who had just walked in from the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
Everything about the glance the Texan shot Sully right then said You fuck.
So that bad blood hadn’t gotten any better, it seemed.
As a whole, the two of them tended to skirt around each other the way Dezi and I did with each other. Aware we just weren’t going to get along if we interacted too much, so just avoiding it altogether.
I think most of us figured they would hash their shit out and get over it.
We’d been mistaken.
My gaze on Sutton, I went ahead and asked.
“You want kids?”
His head jerked back a bit at that, surprised. Then he took a minute to really mull it over.
“Yeah.”
“Even though you had a fuck for a dad?” I asked.
“Even so,” he said nodding. “I ain’t my old man.” He paused for a second, gaze intense, likely reading more on my face than I wanted him to. “Figure you ain’t your old man either.”
“No,” I agreed.
And maybe it really was that simple.
I’d done everything in my power to make sure I didn’t turn out like my father, that I didn’t pick on those smaller and weaker than me.
I wasn’t a bully. Instead, I fought bullies when and wherever I found them.
I wasn’t a man who put his hands on women. I was actively tracking down a man who had done that. And I would choke the life out of his body for doing it.
I knew I would do the same for any of the kids in the club.
So why wouldn’t it follow that I would be good to a wife and kids?
“Thinking about making babies with Syl, huh?” Sully asked, head tipped to the side.
It was clear that, over the past few weeks, Sully and Syl had formed a friendship. Partially unwillingly on Sylvie’s side, especially when he was tricking her into learning how to cook, but the guy was charming and she wasn’t immune. I’d even caught her actually avidly watching one of his rom-coms once.
