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He straightened. He’d fix it. Tonight.
Right now.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LUCY CRASHED AND burned in court. There was no other way to describe it. She’d bungled the opening statement and then made an ass of herself getting into it with the prosecuting attorney until the judge called a recess until the following day. She strode out of the courtroom, her throat tight with shame and her skin hot. I screwed up.
No matter how frustrating or crazy her personal life got, she had always—always—found refuge in work. With her clients, the world made sense. It didn’t matter what case they had leveled against them, she had a knack for finding the right facts to turn things in their favor. That click was her favorite thing in the world.
She’d lost it.
Two days since Gideon had unceremoniously dumped her, and she’d spent the entire time going through too many boxes of Kleenex and watching movie after movie while clutching Garfunkel. She hadn’t touched her files. She hadn’t checked her email. She hadn’t done anything other than sit there and feel sorry for herself.
It didn’t make sense. Work was her everything. Work was the reason she had contacted Gideon to begin with. Dropping the ball there was inexcusable.
Why? Why can’t I focus?
She knew the answer. She didn’t want to face it.
But Lucy couldn’t keep on like this indefinitely. If she didn’t recover tonight and fix the mess she’d made today, she could kiss her promotion goodbye and it would all be for nothing. Facing down the ugly truth required more courage than she thought she had.
She hit the street and turned a direction at random, needing the movement to untangle her thoughts. Three blocks later and she was no closer to unveiling the truth.
Coward. Just like you called him.
Damn it. Lucy stopped short. “I love him.” The comment earned her a few looks from people walking around her, but she started moving again before anyone could get pissed about her being a human roadblock. I love him.
She’d loved Jeff, but it was...different. Even if they’d been planning their wedding when she’d found out that he’d cheated on her, her connection with Jeff had never come close to what she felt for Gideon. Her heartbreak at the time hadn’t made her miss a step at work. If anything, without the stress of trying to juggle her emotions over Jeff’s nasty comments, she’d been free to focus solely on what was most important—her job.
The only problem? Her job didn’t hold up against what she felt for Gideon. Every time she tried to work, she caught herself wondering where he was or what he was doing—or who he might be with.
The last was her own personal demon. Lucy didn’t think for a minute that Gideon had dropped her on her ass and gone off to hook up with someone else. No matter what he’d said about not being the keeping kind, it was his fear talking—not reality.
He cared about her. He wouldn’t have taken the noble route if he hadn’t. It was a stupid choice, to be sure, but she understood that he was trying to protect her. He just wasn’t giving her the benefit of making her own choices.
That was the problem.
That was the thing she didn’t know if she could get over.
Liar.
Gideon might have pulled the trigger on ending things, but only because he’d beaten Lucy to it. She hadn’t fought for him—for them. He’d tried to do the noble thing and, instead of telling him where to stick his high-handed attitude, she’d just walked away. So much easier to retreat than to put herself on the line and be rejected by him.
Lucy wove through the crowd of people on the corner and stopped next to the building, staring at the stream of yellow taxicabs. She’d projected herself. She couldn’t even blame her history on her reaction. What she felt for Gideon scared the hell out of her. She knew he cared about her—loved her, even. They hadn’t shared so much for it to be anything less than love. He wouldn’t have told her to pick him unless he was one hundred percent serious. That wasn’t how Gideon operated. He didn’t play games.
Honesty. He demanded perfect honesty—and he’d given it, as well. She mentally played back everything he’d said to her. Nowhere in there was him telling her that all he’d wanted was sex. No, he didn’t think he was good enough for her, so he’d cut her loose. High-handed, but so very Gideon. He’d chosen her happiness over his.
She needed to put herself out there. To tell him that he was her happiness. Lucy had lived a decent life the last couple of years. She’d been perfectly content, but she’d also cut herself off from anyone that would make her feel deeply enough to hurt her. She’d barely tried to date and hadn’t attempted to reach out to friends she’d lost touch with.
