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He chuckled. “You think the Yoo cousins play those kinds of games?”
I shrugged. “Anything’s possible.”
As we moved to the living room, we played a few rounds ofTekken 7,uproariouslylaughed together whenever one of us lost against the other. We actually enjoyed each other’s company. We devoured the potato chips and made a mess on the carpet floor, ate the smoked salmon from the oven, and watched the famous Korean dramaCrash Landing On You.We talked about everything but Cole, and I thought I finally found a friend. Until a scene from the drama reminded me of our mutual sort-of beau.
“God, I have had a basinful of mentioning his name,” I grumbled.
“It’s okay,” Keith soothed. “There will be people who are gonna break your heart ... but at the end of the day, you’ll still want them in your life. It takes time to completely get used to not having them beside you, but you’ll get there.”
“I know,” I agreed cynically. “I wonder when, though.”
“When you find a friend with whom you can share all your problems with, how long it takes to move on won’t matter anymore. This may sound like crap, but having good company might make it easier.”
Without beating around the bush, I asked, “Do you want to hang out tomorrow too?”
“I—”
“Hold that thought.” Nature called.
Unable to wait for his answer, I rushed into the bathroom and peed after holding it back the whole day.
Before going back, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Look at you, I told myself.You shouldsmile more often. And my lips curved into a smile.You’re getting there. This time, I used my fingers to assist with pulling the side of my lips upwards.Smile, you brat.
Finally, I splashed water on my face and dried it with a towel.
Tucking my hands into my pockets, I gasped when I couldn’t feel my travel-sized powder compact. “Dear me.”I sighed before concluding it didn’t matter anyway.
All I needed was to smile.
Upon stepping out, all fresh and smiley, I thought I heard Se-ri and Captain Ri from the dramaCLOYkissing ardently on television.
To my surprise, it wasn’t them. The TV remained on pause, the lights dimmed, the couch was empty, and the only background noise I could hear was the literal smooching of two lips colliding. I wandered toward the steady sound of a make out session, stopping in the middle of the narrow entry hall to register the source, and instantly recognized those faces. Cole and Keith were kissing in the kitchen.
The pain in my chest tripled, and the tears I’d wiped away earlier came rolling down my cheeks again. Cole and I had been over for more than a month, but I still felt cheated. Maybe because I never actually got closure from him. He never told me what went wrong; he never told me aboutthis.
I swung around, all teary eyed.
Gray was standing in the doorway, looking just as shocked as I was.
“Aera—” he tried to say, but I cast him aside with my hand raised and bolted out of the door without looking back.
* * *
Stuck in a state of disbelief,I walked along the dark and empty road miles away from Cole’s place, questioning the heavens' decision. Wasn’t it overkill? And Cole, seriously, Cole, how could he be so cold? His actions were colder than that evening’s weather.
I wrapped my arms around myself, leaning into a gust of wind that brought goosebumps rising along my arms. I shivered, and with my eyes zeroed in on the path, I squinted and swallowed a sob.
Every little thing around me instantly reminded me of Cole, like how he used to walk me home from his house or school …afterI’d ask him to. It made me wonder what would have happened if I had never asked? Would he have done the same or would he have abandoned me?
He used to hug me whenever I had tears in my eyes, but he’d never done it on his own accord. If I hadn’t told him to comfort me for the past three years, he would’ve just looked down at his lap and listened to me cry like a kid who didn’t get the gift she’d wanted for Christmas.
Cole had never kissed me first. I had initiated everything. I taught him how to French kiss when we were thirteen. It never crossed my mind, until now, that I should have questioned why I had to do it all the time. I thought he wasn’t being fair. Then it hit me: I may have forced myself on him.
They say you can’t force love. But you can still love. And if they don’t love you back, then it’s not meant to be.
Letting go and walking away was easier said than done, though. As simple as it was for people to say they’d give the moon or the stars for the person they love, when in reality,nobodycould—not even astronauts.
