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Emails flashed up on the screen with highlighted sections. Richard had propositioned several students, their names blanked out, to go down on him, have sex, send him nude photos.
His behaviour was reported to the Dean, and nothing was investigated. And then this man was rewarded at nights like this.
Screenshots of emails to the Dean came up in the slideshow, zooming in on the words ‘you need to be sure of making claims like this. Think about what you’re doing to a well-known academic’s career.’
My stomach roiled, and I sucked in a deep breath before gulping half of the wine in my glass.
“Holy shit,” Amanda breathed.
I hit stop. “The awards crowd went bonkers. Richard immediately dismissed the claims in the video and accused me of setting it up. The only thing I said was that we were over. I just took my phone and left the stage.”
“Did you do this?” Amanda’s question shocked me, but she needed to know the truth.
“No.” I met her gaze. “There are at least six other women out there scorned based on what was on the screen, one of whom did this.”
Amanda reached for my hand and squeezed.
“I had an opportunity to end it with Richard a month ago. Instead, I ended up in this secret engagement that wasn’t real, yet I desperately wanted it to be. Then Mum told half the town, and I’m sure the other half know now, and all I wanted was … for everything to work out. I wanted—” I squeezed Amanda’s hand. “I wanted what you and Stuart had. Finally, meeting Stu and seeing you both at the welcome back party brought it home that I was so deluded about Richard and me.”
“Oh, Rosie. Don’t worry about what others think, or me, or anyone.” Amanda paused. “At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, is that video on social media?”
“No idea. I just got in my car and left.”
“Your parents—”
“Oh yeah, Mum and Dad were horrified about whatI’ddone, not Richard. Mum caught me as I was leaving. ‘You’ll get in trouble, Rosalba. You’ll lose your job, Rosalba.’ I’m somehow guilty, and yet it’s Richard who’s to blame.” I drained my glass. “Shit, Amanda. I’ll have to get tested for STIs because—” My voice cracked, and I couldn’t say it out loud.Because he was sleeping with so many other women when he was supposed to be with me.
Amanda swore and wrapped her arms around me. And I wept.
“Mama and Dad love Richard. He’s an academic in viticulture and promised to get our wine exported, and his contacts will help us, and all this nonsense. And I got swept up in it. Driving here, something occurred to me. He only began showing a close interest in me after a meeting regarding funding. Our property qualified for a specific research grant, and I said so in the meeting. Soon after that meeting, he asked me out and dated me while we prepared the grant, and I’m sure he half-heartedly proposed in secret to keep me close and to ensure the research went ahead. The day before, I’d said we needed to talk and that I wasn’t happy about our relationship.
“And then the week of the awards dinner, I’d discussed my concerns about our research model and said I wanted to pull out of the project, and suddenly, he’s asking to marry me in front of my parents, and the rest of the faculty, putting me in a position I couldn’t refuse.”
“But you did refuse.”
“Only because someone else had prepared the gotcha video of the century and interrupted his proposal. And please, don’t say I had a choice even if we didn’t get interrupted. He’s my supervisor. It’s all about control. He can make or break my project at the university, and now I’ve fled. I’m done. I can’t see how I have a future in that department after this abomination of a night.”
I sighed and decided to confess all my sins.
“Amanda, I said ‘yes’, if that’s even what you call agreeing to a secret understanding that we’d get married eventually because I knew my parents liked Richard and that finally, my father would make it official for me to take over the family business because of his ailing health. So I’m just as bad, Amanda.” I sobbed. “I’m just as mercenary as Richard.”
“You’re a people pleaser, Rosie. Always were. Nothing wrong with that. You like to make others happy because you get joy from helping others. You desperately want to help your parents and get stuck into the business operations but …”
“But,” I echoed in between sobs.
“Did you love Richard?”
A hysterical laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head. “The last couple of months I’d been asking myself if I really was happy. Did he make me happy?”
Tom had challenged me with the same question at Granny Lynn’s funeral, and his words had hit me right in the heart, and I had no idea why. I’d been defensive rather than in love when I’d answered him.
“At one time, I’d thought I was. Richard insisted I was happy with him. I hate that I convinced myself I could love him if I tried hard enough. Even not knowing about his lecherous behaviour until now, I was determined to please him and my parents because this would make everyone happy, and I’d finally get to do what I’d love and make changes to the business to keep it sustainable. I gaslighted myself, Amanda. I mean, what the fuck?”
My heart hammered against my ribs. Was I incapable of love? Would I ever find someone that wanted me like Stuart wanted Amanda, and she him?
“I’m quite sure Richard did the gaslighting. You were in love with the dream.”
“Oh god, the dream,” I murmured. “Do you remember writing our adult dreams in that book?”
