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But the years have really flown by.
I’ve been building my business for eight years, I can’t help but wonder if it will ever be enough.
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders as I sit down on the sand, letting the waves crash at my feet. I’ve rationalized that I’m building hotels and employing thousands of people. I can’t slow down, I am responsible for them. For their families, I have to keep working.
I close my eyes and try to clear my mind, but all I can think about is the constant pressure to be more and more successful.
I open my eyes and look out at the ocean, wondering if there will ever be a time when I can just relax and enjoy life.
Yoshimi’s right.
I really need to just stop trying so hard to make things happen, and just let the world be what it is, and provide for me.
When Idon’ttry to make things happen, some of the best things that have ever happened in my life do happen.
Like when I walked in on Amelia in her room to bring her her surfboard.
Just thinking about her brings a soft, genuine smile crossing my lips.
* * *
Dinnerat the yoga center has already finished by the time I return, so I head up to the second floor to do some meditation and journaling on my own. Time to stop half-assing this thing, I have decided to really give it a chance and hope that it can help me separate life from work for a change.
Although if you overtry meditation, isn’t that also not how you’re supposed to do it? Isn’t meditation the absence of effort? Questions for Plato.
Unfortunately, any peace and quiet I hoped to find is interrupted when I see Amelia in yoga pants and a sports bra--stretching her legs with the help of one of the other participants
My heart rate immediately elevates.
“Hey man,” the guy says to me with a hand still on her thigh, flicking his chin up. “What’s up?”
I try to play it cool, but I can feel my blood boiling. If anyone’s hands should be on her thigh, it should be mine.
"I came here to meditate. And you are?" I say, not even trying to be casual about it. Who does this guy think he is, touching her like that?
Amelia glances over at me and gives me a small, knowing smile. "Oh, this is Harold. He's from Boston and he’s already a certified yoga instructor, so he’s just at the retreat for a refresher. He was just showing me some stretches, my quads have been so tight.”
I can feel my fists clenching at my sides. Yoga instructor, my ass. He's probably just trying to get in good with Amelia so he can make a move on her.
Some alpha tool trying to make a statement and mark his territory.
"Well, don't let me interrupt your… instruction," I say through gritted teeth.
Amelia gives me a weird look but I just brush past her and head to the balcony, which I’ll use as the meditation area since I’m not going to get any peace in the main room. I can't believe she’s playing games, but I guess this is how it’s going to be.
As I sit down to meditate, I can't help but eaves drop on their conversation through the window. I hate the sound of Harold's deep voice and the way she's laughing at everything he says.
If I’m being honest with myself, it's like a knife to my heart. I thought she had more class than to blatantly flaunt a flirtation with another guy, in front of me. Not that Amelia owes me anything, but still.
If this was the jungle, I’d have thrown him over the side of the second story of the retreat center.
I try to close my eyes, take deep breaths, and calm myself, but apparently my jealous streak is bad and I can’t focus on anything else.
After what feels like an eternity, I finally hear the sound of them leaving the room. Finally, I can actually concentrate.
But as I'm about to close my eyes and finally begin my meditation, the door opens behind me.
"Hey, can I join you?" Amelia says, poking her head outside.
