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“You really can’t help yourself, can you?” Lycus laughs to himself and drinks his coffee. “Seriously, I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re fucking pining for her.”
“I do notpine.” I narrow my eyes at him.
“You’re like one step away from writing her a poem.”
“I’ve never written a poem in my life, and I don’t plan on starting now.” I jab a finger at him. “Don’t start with me.”
“Why don’t you just—” He gestures in the air and sighs. “You know, take her out. Like normal shit?”
“Because I am not normal.” I tear my gaze from her and stare at Lycus. “You know how bad things are in the family right now. What would they say if I brought around a strange girl, someone from outside of the community?”
“Wouldn’t be great,” he admits. “But everyone wants you to get married, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?”
I take a deep, calming breath. Lycus is clever and strong, but he can be an optimist sometimes. As the lord, I don’t have that luxury. “When you look at her, what do you see?”
He clears his throat. “She does look distinctly, uh—”
“Italian.”
“Right.”
“Her last name is Lanaro. How would the captains react if I started seeing an Italian girl?”
He considers for a moment. “Does she have connections to the Pavones?”
“I don’t know, and I don’twantto know.” I keep telling myself I’m not getting more involved with Camille, and that if I refuse to do my usual due diligence and run some background checks, that might actually be true.
He runs a hand over his hair. “I don’t know what to tell you, other than you should get over yourself and do something that makes you feel good for once.”
“Killing the Pavone Famiglia and controlling my people make me feel good. I’ll focus on that for now.”
“You’re a very deep man, Evander.” Lycus laughs to himself. “Full of complexity.”
“And you’re a pain in my ass. Get back to discussing work now, please, and stay out of my personal life.”
Lycus mock-salutes me but does as ordered. I’m half listening again, watching as Camille finishes with the salt and moves on to cleaning glasses and organizing silverware.
I can’t stop thinking about what Lycus said.
Do something that feels good for once.
Ever since I took control of the Kazan family, my entire life has been in service of the organization. The way I took power left a lot of anger and resentment, and I’ve made it my mission to smooth things over and ensure everyone within my sphere of influence thrives and is happy.
Everyone except for me.
I’ve given everything to the family, and yet the captains like Stavros still grumble. They won’t ever be happy, not until someone morerespectableis running the show, and yet they’re also very aware that I would rather cut their throats than step down from the position I took with my own bare hands.
Nothing will ever be good enough. I will never be enough.
At least the business was trending in the right direction—until the dockworkers fiasco.
And I can thank Camille for that.
I watch her talk with Ophelia, the daughter, before she takes off her apron and walks into the back. Lycus keeps talking, and I nod my head like I’m listening and even give him a few orders to get things moving, before I finish my coffee.
“I’ll be right back,” I say and stand. “Get me a refill while I’m gone.”
“I’m not your fucking assistant,” Lycus grumbles but I walk off with a wave and head toward the back. I take the long hall to the bathrooms but cut right and open a door marked Employees Only.
