AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Isn't that tragic?” I ask the crowd. “Because what that means is that we're teaching girls from the moment they're able to first play with toys that they will never be good enough. And this is only exacerbated as they grow older, as the imagery they're presented with graduates from plastic dolls to airbrushed photographs of models with size-zero waists.
“From the day they are born, girls are exposed to an utterly unattainable standard of beauty and are actively encouraged to do whatever they can to reach it. Is it any wonder, then, that ninety percent of teenagers with anorexia nervosa are girls?
“Contrary to what the world likes to believe, eating disorders aren't glamorous. They're not a decision someone makes one day. They're not a lifestyle choice. They are deadly. They shatter a person's ability to prosper, destroy potential and ruin lives.”
Somewhere along the way, my voice has grown stronger, more assertive. As my passion for the project pours through, my delivery of the speech intensifies to something more powerful. I see it in the shiny stares of the people watching me. I'm getting through to them.
“That's why, tonight, Empower is announcing a new partnership with The Rainey Days Foundation, a non-profit charity that supports the recovery of people suffering from serious mental health disorders. We will be rolling out a new program together to beat eating disorders, preventing them before they are able to manifest and working hard to dismantle the systems that provoke disordered eating, making the world a safer and more nurturing environment for young women to thrive.”
The crowd applauds. It's a swelling of noise that starts off soft and grows to a deafening decibel.
But I'm not finished.
“However,” I start, once the noise has died back down, “I can't stand here tonight in good faith, knowing that I myself am part of the problem. My contribution to the rhetoric is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. For a long time, I've justified my own issues with food by reasoning that it'll be harder to find work if I go up a dress size or determining that it's okay because I'm a victim of the system too.”
I pause, sucking in a long, steadying breath. Never in my entire career have I been as publicly vulnerable as I am in this moment. It's terrifying, but I know in my gut that I'm doing the right thing.
Keeping my eyes on Cole for comfort, I continue, “I am lucky enough to have a voice that people listen to and a platform that grants me a certain level of influence. And until now, I haven't been using it the way I should have been. So, from this moment on, I swear to you all that I will start shouting louder, that I will use the platform I have for better and start leading by example.”
Scrunching my eyes shut and swallowing the fear rising in my chest, I announce, “I will no longer be accepting roles that expect me to be a certain size, or participate in campaigns that use airbrushing or disfiguration techniques to propagate images of me that aren't completely true to life. This may mean that I work less, that I lose out on jobs or even fracture the relationships of those I have worked with before, but it is my duty as a woman in the public eye to shine the light for the girls and young women who look up to me.
“I refuse to continue contributing to an institution that fails our girls so badly. I will prioritize my health over my image and learn to love and care for my body instead of starving it. I will use what matters most—my voice—to speak for those still finding their own and I will not stop until every woman knows what it truly means to be empowered.”
By the time I've drawn my speech to a close, I'm breathless and exhausted. As everyone in the room gets to their feet, clapping and cheering, I focus all my attention on the only man I want to see.
Cole stands beside the stage with an expression of such adoration for me it takes my breath away. “I'm so proud of you,” he mouths.
And for the first time in a long time, I'm proud of me too.
* * *
“I wish we had more time,” I moan, burrowing into Cole's neck as daylight streams golden and blinding into our hotel room.
“I know. Me too. Just got some work that needs doing back at the shop that can't wait.” He presses a kiss to my forehead, arms tightening around him. “Anyway, it's only a week or so that we'll be apart. It ain't gonna be too long before I've got you back in my bed in Tupelo.”
Peering up at him through long lashes, thick with last night's makeup, I cup his cheek in my hand. “How is it that I only came home a couple of weeks ago and already I can't bear the thought of being without you again?”
He rolls us so I'm on my back and he's on top of me. Brushing his nose against mine, he strokes his lips over mine in the gentlest of caresses. “Baby, I won’t sleep a wink without you beside me. I’ll be like a kid again who can't sleep if he doesn't have a nightlight or a fucking teddy bear.”
“Then don't go,” I whine, wrapping my arms around him and clutching him to my body.
He groans. It's a disheartened and pained sound that tells me he's finding the thought of saying goodbye as hard to handle as I am, no matter how temporary our separation will be. “Have to, princess, or I’m not gonna have a business left.”
Sagging back to the mattress with resignation, I sigh. “How long until your flight?”
He checks the display on his phone. “Few hours. We’ve got some time.”
I hate this feeling. Being here with him, having the warmth of his skin and the beat of his heart against me, when all I can think about is that, come tonight, I'll be in this same bed all alone. I wish I could be present in the moment and not waste it by anticipating the pain I'll feel when he's gone, but I can't.
A tear slips free and splashes onto the bed sheet.
Cole's eyes sadden even more so than they already were. “What did you have to go and cry for? I don't like it when you're sad.”
He brushes away my tears and replaces them with soft kisses. Moving to my mouth, he covers it with his own and kisses me long and deep. Wrenching himself away from me, his eyelids flutter shut and he whispers, “Got somethin’ to tell you, princess.”
Curling my fingers into his hair, I drag my nails across the back of his neck. “Yeah?”
“Damn, been meaning to say this since last night and now that we're here, I haven’t got a clue how to do it.” He shakes his head at himself, pursing his lips in frustration.
