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I'd be okay with that, I think. Even if I don't ever have another pack, if I found one person who made me happy and didn't care about my past, I'd live a happy life. Heats would be hard, but I'd endure that. Just knowing I escaped a pack that forced me into a bond would be enough to get me through heats without an alpha for the rest of my life. I'll be able to start taking my heat suppressants again in a few months. It won't stop them altogether, but it'll curb that feeling of wanting todieif I don't get an alpha’s knot.
The more I think about it, the better I start to feel. I've spent the last three months in a pit of self-pity, spiraling, and feeling like I'd never have a happy life again.
No more.
From now on, I'm done with all the misery and pity parties for one. I'm going to start enjoying myself again. I've got a date this weekend and a budding friendship in Ava. I've got two jobs I enjoy, and I'm far away from those selfish assholes who tried to ruin my life.
"Summer, do you want to get started early?" Jerrick hollers from behind his computer. Pep in my step, I hop up with my notepad in hand and a fresh outlook on life. He must see that in my eyes because his brows shoot up for a second—not used to seeing me so happy, I suppose—before he schools his features into a normal welcoming smile.
We spend the next ten minutes or so going through his schedule and talking about upcoming meetings with authors and expectations with those. We've gone through everything so I'm about to stand up and get to work, when he stops me. "Just one more thing…" He pulls out a manuscript from his backpack and puts it on the desk between us. I look closely at it for a second and then realize it's Dillan Doherty's; the one I edited. My heart starts to race as nerves suddenly flutter through my belly.
I can feel my pulse jumping in my neck, and I wring my hands together in my lap the best I can while still clutching the pen and notepad. He's going to tell me I did an awful job and will never have what it takes to be an editor. I won't ever move up in this business. There are red marks and writing all over it that don't belong to me, so I obviously bombed it. Now Jerrick won't ever let me do a first draft editing again because he'll just have to redo my work anyw–
"You did a pretty good job for your first time," he says, stopping my negative thoughts in their tracks.Pretty good.It's not prettygreat,but at least I don't have to go into hiding anymore.
"But," I prompt. He smiles a little at me.
"But you are only taking into account one piece of editing. Grammar. You spent all your time looking at the small issues: Grammar, syntax, punctuation. But as an editor, you need to look at the big picture, too. Especially with a story like this. Contemporary fiction is one step away from being non-fiction, so you need to check for holes in the author's research," he flips to a part in the manuscript where he circled a whole passage, "right here, he's describing the medication an amputee is put on post surgery. However, the medication he listed is for phantom limb pain, and what he's describing is stump pain, which has different narcotics for pain management." I feel my mouth drop open a little at the amount of detail that is expected when editing.
"Oh. Got it," I say with a nod, and I do ‘got it’. I'm going to have to start practicing editing like this with the slush pile manuscripts.
"I wouldn't expect you to know to look for that as a beginner," he assures me. "That's why we go through multiple rounds of editing and editors. Things slip through the cracks like this all the time. Take it home and look over my notes though. I think they'll help." Jerrick reaches forward with the manuscript, and I take it.
"I will, thank you so much." I feel so giddy and grateful for the help. I smile another real, cheek burning smile. His face drops at my grin and a little bit of pink tinges his cheeks. He clears his throat and looks at his computer.
"That's all," he grunts, and I excuse myself back to my desk to start work.
* * *
"Hey, girl!" Ava calls as she steps up to me and wraps me in a gentle but firm hug. Her arms may be little, but she sure is strong. She pulls back, and I rub my ribs with a grin as I take a dramatic breath, like she stopped me from breathing.
"You need to come with a warning label," I tease, and she rolls her eyes back good-naturedly.
"Oh, hush. I didn’t even squeeze you that hard. Come on, let's get some shopping in before dinner because I'm already starved." My stomach has been rumbling for an hour, so I nod emphatically and follow her lead.
"Yes, please," I whine. The first store we walk into is a bust. Ava takes one lap around and declares nothing in here is 'club material.' Which I find out at the second store means 'as revealing as possible without showing our bits.' The store we're in right now is huge with half of it housing casual clothes. Everyday ones that I'd wear to work or running errands. The other half are cocktail dresses and fancy outfits for fancier occasions. Ava didn't even blink before pulling things off the rack she thought would look good on me. She hadn't touched a single dress for herself before shoving what had to be ten dresses into my arms and swatting me toward the dressing rooms. Almost buckling under the weight of the clothes in my arms, I head that way and snag the largest dressing room so I have space to hang them all up.
My stomach gives another rumble, so I hastily remove all my clothes and grab the first dress. The faster I find something, the faster we can get some food. As soon as I tug on the first option, I immediately pull it back off. It's too tight and too revealing. Not at all my style with it's completely sequined and showy material. I pull on the next one. It's longer and has sleeves, but still shows too much leg and is dangerously low cut. The next ten minutes are much the same, with me trying a dress on and then immediately taking it back off. None of them look good on me, and I can feel the tears start to pool behind my eyes.
Three raps startle a tear out of me as Ava knocks on the dressing room door behind me. "You gonna show me one or what?" she asks in a teasingly frustrated tone. I hastily wipe the tear track from my cheek and shake my head back and forth while looking at the ceiling to dry the rest of them before they can fall, too.
I take a few breaths and clear my throat quietly to make sure my voice comes out normal. "None of them fit. I'm going to change back and try to find some more," I say, relieved that my voice comes out strong and clear.
"What? I usually have an eye for sizes. Let me see." She gives a few more gentle knocks on the door, telling me to open up. With a reluctant sigh, I open up in the last dress I tried on and step back as she pushes her way into the dressing room. I tense as her critical eyes drag my body, and I resist the strong urge to cross my arms over my body to hide all its imperfections.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she demands in a disbelieving huff. "You look like a smoke show. Turn," then without waiting for me to do it myself, she grabs my shoulders and twists me, "and your ass looks great."
I turn a dubious stare on her. This dress is the one I liked the least of them all. It's a tight black velvet dress with spaghetti straps that cinches at my ribs and stops a few inches below my ass. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a sexy omega with confidence to spare, like I'm sure Ava would be wearing this dress. I see an omega who has gained at least ten pounds since leaving her pack three months ago, with cellulite on the back of her thighs and arm flab that does not suit this sleeveless style dress.
"What's wrong with it?" she asks when I don't smile back at her or agree right away that I look good in it.
"It's too revealing, and it doesn't hide any of my fat," I grumble, pointing briefly to all my pudgy areas.
Her mouth drops open in surprise, and she stands there gaping at me long enough that I start to fidget. Finally, I can't take her stunned silence anymore so I get a little defensive. "What?" I grumble, giving into the urge and wrapping my arms around my waist.
"I just... I guess I was trying to figure out if you were serious." Ava blinks a few times. "Summer, you are nowhere near fat. Goddess, you finally look healthy. You were skin and bones a few months ago." I frown at her. A few months ago, I was happy with the way I looked.
"Babe. Trust me on this, okay? You look incredible and not at all fat in this dress. Or anything you wear. You are absolutely perfect the way you are," she says emphatically. I can't help but think about the contrast between her and my old alpha, Jade.
