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"Ten, eighteen, ninety six."
"Summer...yes, I've got your records. It looks like you were in about a month ago for stomach pains?" she asks, confirming that's me.
"Yes, that's me."
"Perfect, and you need in for another visit," she says the statement more like a question again, prompting me to give the reason for my next visit. I swallow the lump in my throat.
"I think I'm pregnant, and I need to be sure," my voice is little more than a whisper.
"Okay, let me check," there's a brief pause. "Well, you're in luck, she's booked out for a month, but it looks like there's been a last minute cancellation. She can fit you in Monday at four o clock."
Oh, thank the Goddess.
"I'll take it, thank you." I could sob with relief. The sooner I know, the sooner I'll be able to deal with it, whatever the results. And I'll be able to stop stressing once I have some answers. Monday morning I'll have to tell Jerrick I need to leave early for a last minute doctor's appointment, but I'll deal with that when it comes.
* * *
My knee is bouncing fast with nerves, and I'm biting my thumbnail as I sit in Doctor Tanner's office, waiting to get called back. The place looks entirely different than the last time I was here. A month ago, this waiting room had bare walls, a row of cheap chairs to wait in, and an uninviting atmosphere. Now, colorful paintings are hung on the wall, there's a large plant in one corner, much more comfortable chairs, and even a child's play corner full of toys and books. It was distracting enough at first that I forgot for a moment why I'm here. I almost walked back out, thinking I'd gotten the address wrong.
My phone vibrates in my purse, and I know who it is. Or rather, who it could be. One of four people that have been texting me all weekend to see if I was free to come over or meet them for dinner somewhere. I tried to ignore their texts at first and keep myself busy doing other things around my apartment. Cleaning or cooking or reading. But then Maverick threatened to come over and break my door down if I didn't respond, so I did, telling him I had been taking a nap.
All weekend I fielded requests to get together, saying I was busy or tired or working. Which, I did work Saturday but asked them not to show up because the bar was packed, and I didn't want to get distracted. I think after that, they knew something was up but were polite enough to ignore it. We're supposed to be meeting for dinner tonight after my appointment. I figured at least by then, I'd know and could avoid feeling guilty around them, or like I had a secret. If I am pregnant, then they deserve to know.
"Summer?" My head jerks up, and I'm ripped out of my own whirlpool of contemplation. I stand and follow her back to an exam room where she walks through the regular steps. Weight check, blood pressure, and a series of questions. Then she takes my blood and tells me the doctor will be back to see me soon. I wait another five minutes or so, and then there's a soft knock on the door.
Doctor Tanner pokes her head in. "Hi, Summer?" I nod and shake her hand. She looks just as unforgettable as last time. Short blonde hair and tall with a commanding presence similar to Brooklyn's.
"How are you feeling today?" she asks.
"Fine, just a little nervous." I give her a weak smile.
She laughs softly. "That's understandable. Can you tell me why you think you're pregnant? Are you experiencing any symptoms?"
I shake my head, feeling a little silly that I came so soon without even being symptomatic. "No, but I just went through my heat, and we didn't wear condoms."
"How long ago was that?" she asks, looking down at her notepad and jotting things down as I speak.
"It started the Friday before last and ended Monday afternoon-ish." She nods along with my words.
"So conception could have been about seven to ten days ago," Tanner mumbles to herself. "It should be enough time to tell whether you're pregnant. We've sent your blood off to the lab to be tested, and you'll get those results in a few days."
A few days.Something between a sob and a groan of frustration builds. Of course it takes a few days. I can't believe I thought it was going to be instant.
"I came by to talk to you about your last visit," Tanner continues, oblivious to my preoccupation. Wait...
"My last visit?" I frown, brows furrowing.
"Yes. Did you read the pamphlet I gave you last time?" Heat fills my cheeks, and she nods at my silent admission. Her face turns serious and a little sad. It makes my spine snap straight in preparation for what must be bad news.
Doctor Tanner extends another pamphlet to me, and this time I open it up immediately. As I'm reading, she continues to talk. "There are some very serious side effects to the Passion Pack drug, and to be given it every day for two years, the possibility of you experiencing those are much, much higher than most."
Then my eyes find the list of side effects, and my stomach bottoms out. Nausea and anger fight for space. Tanner lists them as I read them, adding to my horror. "Stomach cramping—which we already know you experienced—mood swings, paranoia, nausea, miscarriage, and...infertility," she finishes sadly.
I can feel the blood draining from my face like a receding tide. My body sways, and I must look as faint as I feel because Doctor Tanner shoots forward and grabs me by the shoulders. "We don't know anything for sure, yet. Let's not panic until we get the results back. I requested a fertility test be included in addition to the pregnancy test, and we'll have those in a few days, too. Okay?"
I think I nod, but I'm no longer in the exam room with Tanner. I'm back in New York, standing in the foyer with tears in my eyes, telling Pack Monroe I lost our baby. My hand drifts up to skim my face as a phantom pain sweeps over me when I remember the backhand Jade gave me at the news.My fault.She screamed the accusation at me.
Mine.
