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“What is that supposed to mean?”
I didn’t know myself, it didn’t make any sense. But nothing about this situation made sense. “Howdareyou! How dare you come here, with that look on your face!”
“What look?”
I gestured. “Thatlook! I just told you I’m pregnant anddon’t be ridiculousis the best you can come up with?” I knew it was big news, that I’d just dumped it on him like a bucket of ice and I was being totally unreasonable. But I was in full flight. Nothing could stop me. “And don’t even think about asking if you’re the father.”
“I wasn’t going to, but, Lucy, I don’t want a baby.”
“Well,” I nearly saidneither do Ibut that wasn’t true, so I just went with, “fuck you.”
“How did this happen?”
I gave a mocking laugh, fishing around for a suitably sarcastic retort.
“Don’t say it, obviously I know how it happened. But we were careful, Lucy.”
“Not careful enough, obviously! And isn’t that just like you? Always so fucking reckless! All the risks, all the fun, leaving the mess for everyone else to clean up! You haven’t changed a bit.” He went white and I briefly felt a pang, realizing I’d hit a nerve, gone too far, my anger and fear tipping me over into outright cruelty.
“You know what? I don’t need this shit! Fuck you, Lucy.”
Yes! “Fuck you, too.”
He took a deep breath, running his hands over his face. “I’ve been posted at Kingsley, maybe you can look me up when you’re ready to talk about this like adults. If not, fuck you and have a nice life.”
“Fine.”
And then he was gone, only just barely refraining from slamming the front door behind him. I was shaking all over, trying to draw in enough oxygen as my stomach roiled. Tasting bile, I put my hand on my mid-section in an attempt to calm the nausea.
Nope. I turned to the sink and threw up.
CHAPTER17
Dante
Idrew in a deep, shuddering breath as I got behind the wheel of my car and gunned the engine. There were so many emotions coursing through me that I couldn’t make sense of a single one of them. Confusion, shock, anger, hurt. Anger again. More hurt. The look on Lucy’s face when she said what she did about me being reckless burned in my memory. It had hurt because it was true. Iwasreckless, I did hurt others. Maybe not now, but before. I couldn’t be trusted. And I definitely couldn’t be a father. There’s no way a kid would benefit from having me as its dad.
Fucking hell. Pregnant.
As I drove out of Esperance, my plans for lunch and afternoon delights long forgotten, I wracked my brains to think how it had happened. There was not one instance where a condom had fallen off, or that I’d gone in bareback. That was too reckless even for me. The only answer was that one had broken, but the tear had been so small that I hadn’t noticed. We’d had a lot of very enthusiastic sex, so that was most likely.
And now Lucy was left to bear the child and the consequences. I knew I wouldn’t leave her high and dry, but I was still reeling. I couldn’t wrap my head around it, couldn’t think straight. There was no playbook for this sort of situation, no obvious path to follow.
It was an almost two-hour drive back to base. By the time I’d cleared security and pulled up in my assigned parking spot, I still hadn’t come to any conclusions. For now, I’d give Lucy a few days to cool off. Then I’d reach out.
CHAPTER18
Lucy
“Are you sure you’re okay, sweetheart?”
Nope, I definitely was not. I was lying on the couch in my parents’ living room, trying to force myself to drink the lemon tea mom had made for me without spitting it right back up. I’d barely eaten a thing in the three days since Dante had stormed out, but I’d grabbed a bucket from the laundry room, just in case. “Sure, Mom. It’s just a stomach bug.”
My mom leaned down and pressed her lips to my forehead. I smiled despite myself, remembering the countless times she’d done this in my childhood. No need for a thermometer with my mom. “Hmm, no fever, but maybe you should go to the doctor. You’re looking very pale.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “It’s just stress. From work. Work stress.” I forced myself to meet my mom’s gaze, knowing that she wasn’t even slightly buying it. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t just blurt it out:Mom, help me, I’m freaking out. I’m pregnant, you wouldn’t believe who the father is, but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me or the baby, and I have no idea what to do.But that would make it all too real. Best to keep quiet.
“How about some chicken broth and dry toast?”
