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“Yeah.” I had no real idea how to do that, so after a pause I said, “And how do we do that?”
He shrugged, giving me a wry smile. “Fucked if I know.”
That made me laugh, which eased some of the tension. We could do this. “I guess we just be honest with each other, you know. Keep communicating. Checking in, like you just did for me. All that good stuff. And you know, as long as you put the toilet seat down, it should all be fine.” He chuckled at that, and I felt the familiar rumble reverberating through me.
Jeez, it was going to be a long few days…or however long this was going to take…if just him laughing could turn me on.
CHAPTER24
Lucy
“Thanks so much, Mom, I really appreciate it.”
“Any time, darling. I really enjoyed it.” Mom turned into my drive, pulling to a stop behind my car. “It’s not every day I get to see my grandbaby for the first time like that.”
I ran the tip of my finger over the ultrasound picture, still struggling to believe that was actually my baby growing inside me. “It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?”
“It sure is. Such a shame Dante couldn’t take you. I’m sure he would have loved to have been there.”
“Yeah.” I bit back a sigh. Lies, lies and more lies. Little ones, all adding up in ways that made me feel like shit. Why not add one more to the pile. “But he couldn’t get out of his shift and it was the only scan appointment they had available.” Better to say that than I thought it best to leave him out of it, because I’d had a little daydream that one look at the scan would change his mind, and make him suddenly want to be a dad. It was dangerous ground and better for both of us if I went without him. Then my daydream turned into a nightmare, where I imagined driving all the way to the Base hospital for the scan only to find out something had happened to the baby. I didn’t want to be by myself if that happened. So I was grateful when Mom had agreed to go with me. Being Mom, of course, that meant I wasn’t even allowed to drive. “I’ll show him the pics, at least.” More lies.
“He’ll love them.”
“Yeah. Okay, I’ve got a bit of work to do, so I’d better get inside. Thanks again.”
“No problem.”
Once inside, I slipped the ultrasound photos into my sketch book, figuring that it was unlikely that Dante would see them accidentally. Waiting for my computer to boot up, I gazed at the pictures, a small smile curving my lips. Even though it was a pretty crap situation in general, I knew it would be all worth it in the end. Just for fun, I outlined a drawing of the baby, then drew a stork, flying through the air over my house, holding a swaddled infant in its beak.
My computer finished starting up and auto loaded my email program, which was already beeping at me urgently. Letting out a sigh, I closed the sketchbook and pushed it aside, getting down to work. A few hours later, all the urgent emails were dealt with, and I was onto a compliance report for NASA. It was already behind schedule; if I didn’t get through the next section before the end of the day, I’d really struggle to catch up. Stifling a yawn, I promised myself I’d stop after this and eat some of the grits left over from the day before. I’d never really liked grits before being pregnant, but they were one of the few foods I could keep down these days that I also liked the taste of. So, grits it was.
Finally, an hour later, I was done with the NASA report. I’d accomplished more than I’d expected to, but I was paying for it with fatigue and the early rumblings of nausea. Great. Switching my computer to standby, I got to my feet, stretched my arms over my head with a big yawn, and looked out the office window. The sun had long since set and my street was shrouded in snow, glinting in the soft glow of the streetlights. Very pretty, for sure, but I didn’t see what I was looking for: Dante’s car coming down the street. It was silly to even look. He wasn’t due for another few hours.
Forcing myself to turn away from the window, unwilling to get stuck there gazing out longingly for him, I went to the kitchen. Grits, shower, then a rom com, or maybe I could research baby items I’d need. That would be quite nice, to be honest. I opened the pantry door.
I stopped, staring at the shelf. Where were the grits? I pushed aside the sauce bottles, the bags of flour, sugar and pancake mix. Fuck, no grits anywhere. I stood back, a heavy frown on my face. I could easily have put them in the fridge, I guess. I was becoming increasingly absent minded, so that was totally something I could have done. Nope, no luck there. I felt desperation welling inside me. I really,reallywanted those grits. Not wanted. Craved. Craved them like they were a life-sustaining force. Hell, maybe they were.
They had to be in there somewhere. Frantically, like a junkie, I started pulling everything out of the pantry, tears of desperation pricking my eyes. I was way too tired to go to the store just for one box of grits. The idea of having to do that or go without made me start crying in earnest.
I was so engrossed in crying and tearing the pantry apart, that I didn’t hear the front door open or Dante’s footsteps coming down the hall.
“Lucia?”
I sobbed even more, because I loved when he called me that and I’d missed hearing it so much.
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
I straightened, shooting him a quick glance. He looked a little frantic, and I couldn’t blame him. I must have looked crazy, standing in my destroyed kitchen, my face all blotchy and red.
“Tell me! What is it? Has something happened to the baby?”
I shook my head, gesturing to the cupboard mutely because I couldn’t find the words to explain exactly what was wrong with me. He looked from me to the cupboard and back again. My sobbing had subsided to quiet weeping now, so that was something, I guess.
“Please, tell me what’s going on.”
I took a deep, shaky breath. “I just had a really hard, long day and I was so tired, and all I wanted was to make some grits, then have a shower and flop on the couch, but there’s no grits here, and I thought I had some left, but I must have eaten them all, and now I have to go to thestoreor havepancakesinstead.” The last words were bordering on a wail. I really was that pathetic.
His shoulders slumped with relief. “Poor baby.” He stepped forward, pulling me into his arms, wrapping me in a tight embrace.
