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“Absolutely nothing happened.”
“Bullshit. Two hotties that have had the dirtiest weekend in the history of dirty weekends shared a bed andnothinghappened?”
I sighed. “Yeah. Nothing. Although if it’s any consolation, I woke up really early the next morning with him spooning me, which was nice. Then I went back to sleep and when I woke up later, he was already gone.”
“I don’t get it. Do you just not want him like that anymore?”
“Fuck yes, of course I want him! I’ve got a pulse, haven’t I? It’s torture. You wouldn’t believe how good he smells.”
“I would, actually.”
“I mean, of course he smells good, but this is next level. I don’t know if it’s hormones or maybe I’m going crazy, but the other day, I waited until he’d showered and snuck into the bathroom when he was done, just taking deep breaths.”
“That’s wild.”
“I know! It was so good though. It’s not just smelling him everywhere, either. Turns out he’s really good to live with.”
“How so?”
“He’s really neat, but not obsessively so. It’s like having a magic genie in the house who just tidies up all the time. My ex, even though he was super fussy, was actually a slob who somehow thought that his cock exempted him from having to clean up after himself.”
“Fuck that noise.”
“Seriously. We fought about it a lot, because that’s just not how I was raised. But he was super stubborn, and once he’d made up his mind about something, that was that.” I took a bite of carrot cake, sighing with pleasure at the flavor, sitting in the unhappy memories of life with Richard for a few brief moments. “He’s also really attentive.”
“I assume you mean Dante and not Fuckface.”
That made me smile. “Yeah, Dante.” I told her about the grits and how sweet he’d been about that whole incident. “I feel like sometimes he knows what I need even before I do. Pretzels, or a herbal tea, or a walk, or an early night.”
“That’s hot.”
It sure was. “Another thing. I’m really bummed that I can’t drink coffee anymore, but I still love the smell. So, you know what he’s started doing?”
“If the answer isn’t that he’s started fucking you, I’m gonna be sorely disappointed.”
I giggled. “Will youstop? No, he waits until I get up, even though I sleep in much later than I used to, because I’m super tired. Once I’m up, he makes his coffee and hands it to me to smell, so I can feel like I’m starting my day with one.”
“Smart guy. And sweet.”
I nodded in agreement. “Right? So all that’s great, but there’s still this weird tension underneath it all. We never, ever talk about the baby. The only time it’s ever touched on is when we’re talking about my medical care: doctor’s appointments or scans and stuff. Never anything about the baby itself. Some nights I’m surfing the net, researching prams or cots and shit and I’d love to know his opinion, get his input, and he’s sitting right next to me on the couch, so it should be so easy, but…I don’t say anything.”
“That sucks.”
“It really does. I sketch baby drawings a lot and I’m always careful to close the book so he doesn’t see them. It’s like I’m hiding a freaking addiction, or something. I just wish…”
I trailed off and Ally reached across and laid her hand over mine. “Oh, honey.”
“Thanks.” I forced another sip of tea through the lump in my throat. “The other tension is, you know, sexual.”
“Yeah, that bit I don’t get. Just fuck him already.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“I’m not sure how adding orgasms to your already extremely complicated situation is going to push it all over the edge. I say, take it while you can get it, because once the insurance investigation is over, he’ll move out, right?”
The idea sat like a lump of lead on my heart. “Yeah, he will. Maybe you’re right.”
“I know I’m right. No question about it.”
