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I shrugged. “No change. We’re still waiting for the insurance to be finalized.”
“Bullshit! You’ve clearly banged again.”
“Jesus, how can you tell just by looking at us?”
She chuckled. “I have a sixth sex sense when it comes to these things.”
I burst out laughing. “You do realize that sounds super weird, right?”
“I know. Seriously, though, it’s just the vibe between you. The way you touch each other. Or maybe it’s just the way you are with each other is less stilted now or something. I dunno, maybe I’m just a creep.” Her grin faded and concern glinted in her dark eyes. “But even so, you seem out of sorts. Is it the insurance stuff getting you down? Or is it something more?”
I shrugged, drying my hands on some paper towel and throwing it in the trash. “Just feeling down. Maybe it’s the hormones. I mean, I hate having the insurance question hanging over our heads, and I hate lying to everyone, obviously, but I don’t think that’s enough to make me feel like crying all the time.” Studying myself in the mirror, I saw the sadness sitting in my eyes, which only made me feel worse.
“How’s Dante?”
“He’s great, as usual. For someone who could lose his entire career, he’s surprisingly upbeat. It helps.”
“He’s good for you.”
“He is.”
“You’ve caught feelings for him?”
“A little.” Even that admission, small though it was, had my heart squeezing and the breath catching in my throat. “You know what really gets me, though?”
“What?”
“I can’t stop thinking how different it could have been… The day he came to my house, when I told him I was pregnant, he was coming to see me. He wasn’t content to leave things in Seattle. He wanted to start up again. Then…” I glanced at her, found only sympathy in her eyes and soldiered on. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy about the baby and really excited to be a mom, even though I still feel like shit all the time. I just torture myself with what might have been, you know? What we might have been together, if we’d had a bit more time, or something. I don’t know.”
“Those are all really normal feelings, Lucy. Maybe you should tell him about them.”
I flinched. “But how can I? He’s made it very clear he doesn’t want to be a dad, I’ve made it very clear I want to be a mom. Whatever else we feel about each other, those two things are mutually exclusive. Total dealbreaker.”
She sighed, making me smile because it sounded exactly how I felt. “I guess, yeah. I feel so bad for you.”
“Thank you. It’s good to have someone to talk to about it.”
“Good. C’mere, gimme a hug.”
I took the comfort she gave me, swallowing around the lump in my throat, and we went back to the table. I didn’t even have it in me to be amused by how Ally flicked Gabe a glance when she sat down, looking away quickly when she found him watching her.
Our dinner had arrived and Dante had already put a small slice of pizza on my plate. It was pretty much all I could tolerate right now. “You okay?”
“Sure. Just a bit sick, and sick of being sick, if you know what I mean.”
His eyes searched mine and I could tell he didn’t quite believe me, but he didn’t say anything, just picked up his pizza and started eating.
We sat around for a while after the table was cleared. A bit of food and an extra dose of my medication made me feel well enough to stick around for a bit, and since Dante didn’t make any move to leave, I settled against him. Linking my fingers with his where they rested on the table, I enjoyed the feel of him absently playing with my hair while he chatted to Jake. This was something I was going to miss: the way that even when he wasn’t really thinking about it, or focusing on me, he had to be touching me. It made me feel cherished in a way I never experienced with Richard.
Maybe I just had to make the most of our situation and not stress about what comes next. Our time together could be like a gift if I wanted to see it that way. At least I wouldn’t feel so down all the time then. Yeah, that was a good plan, I could definitely do that. The new perspective going on like a light bulb made me feel so much better, so that when Dante finished talking to Jake and turned to check in with me, I smiled at him hugely. His eyes widened and he leaned in, asking, “What’s made you so happy all of a sudden?”
Still smiling, I cupped his face and pressed a light kiss to his lips. “Nothing in particular. Just, you know, enjoying the moment.”
“I’m glad.” He kissed my forehead, pulling his chair a little closer so that I could snuggle right in.
I rested my head on his shoulder, starting to get a little tired, letting the family conversation flow around me without paying too much attention. My gaze drifted around the restaurant, absently taking in the other diners, the laughing, happy faces, then I stiffened. “Fuck.” I said it so quietly that only Dante heard. He followed my gaze to the door of the restaurant.
Naomi Perkins had just walked in, and she was looking straight at us. “What the fuck is she doing here?” he murmured.
