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“Don’t start what? I should slap you upside the head for being so stupid.Not father material. Jesus fucking Christ.” In a fury, she scooped the remains of our lunch onto the tray, stomped to the garbage, dumped the contents of the tray into it, then marched over to the serving counter and dropped the tray onto it. A couple of people playing pool shot her some worried looks, possibly wondering if they needed to intervene. One of them looked at me and I held up my hand, letting him know it was okay.
Stef came back, dropped into the chair, still muttering under her breath. “Right, just so I’m clear. You can’t tell Lucy that you’re madly in love with her because you can’t stay with her, because you’ll be a shitty dad, because you’re too much like Angelo Moretti and there’s nothing you can do about that, the end.”
“Yes.” It seemed glaringly obvious to me, but I could tell by the look on Stef’s face she didn’t agree.
“I don’t really know what to say to you other than you’re utterly, completely wrong. You’re nothinglikeour father. Nothing at all. You’ll be such a great dad, Dante. Ask me how I know.”
I hesitated, not sure I could deal with even the tiniest spark of hope.
“Ask me!”
“Fine. How do you know?”
She leaned forward, placed her palms flat on the table and looked me straight in the eye. “Because for my entire life, you’ve always been there for me. Looking after me when Mom had to work before I was old enough to stay home by myself. Helping me with my schoolwork, listening to me practicing my reading, patiently working on my times tables with me. So. Patiently. Looking after me when I started getting sick, taking me to all the different doctors, insisting that it wasn’t all in my head. Fostering my love of music to the point that you paid for my guitar lessons, even though you complained about how shit I sounded.” She paused, swallowing, her eyes vibrant with emotion. “All my life, for as long as I can remember, you’ve been the one I can count on. The only one. I know in my fucking bones, Dante, that if ever I need you, you’ll be there. You’ve always done everything in your power to take care of me, and I know you always will.” Reaching out, she gripped my hand. “Andthatis what it means to be a dad and you can totally do it, because you’ve had years of practice looking after me.”
Her words, her sincerity, her intensity rolled over and through me, hitting me in my solar plexus so hard I could barely breathe. “You really think so?” I asked, my voice low.
“Fuck yes. Absolutely. Definitely. No question about it.” She slumped back in the chair, pushing her fingers through her hair before crossing her arms, thinking for a minute before speaking again. “I had no idea you felt this way, Dante.”
“Well, it’s not really something you talk about, is it?”
“Guess not.” She surveyed me critically. “I’m not sure I’ve convinced you, which is fair enough, because you’ve felt this way for a very long time, I guess, and I can imagine that it feels like an absolute truth to you. All I ask is that you think it over, turn the idea around in your head for a bit and see how it feels then. Do you think you can do that?”
I nodded.
“Good.” She stood up, grabbed her coat from the back of the chair, and pulled it on. “And now I really do have to go. Walk me to my car?”
“Of course.” Outside, I shoved my hands in my pockets against the chill wind, walking next to my little sister, my mind whirling. Reaching out, I tugged her hair. “I have no idea how you got so smart.”
She smiled. “Years of therapy, I guess.” We arrived at her rental car and she pulled the keys from her bag, pressing the unlock button on the remote. “It’s enough to make me a bit wiser, but not any less angry.”
Her sigh twisted my heart, because it sounded like it should come from a much older person. “Now I’ve got even more to be angry about.”
“You know what they say about anger?”
She squinted at me, skepticism all over her face. “What?”
“It’s like eating poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
“Oohhh, when did you get so wise?”
I chuckled, pulling her in for a hug. “I hope you can let it go,” I said quietly.
“Same. And I hope the same for you,” she replied, her words muffled against my chest as she hugged me back. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I kissed the top of her head before stepping back and pulling open her car door. “Let me know when you get home safe.”
She got in the car, pulling her seatbelt on before looking up at me and smiling impishly. “See? That’s some serious dad energy right there.”
I laughed, even though my chest tightened uncomfortably. “Get out of here.”
“I’m gone.”
Shutting the door, I tapped the roof to let her know she was good to go, then watched as she reversed and eased the car towards the main gates. She honked the horn, gave me a wave, and then she was driving away, leaving me to my overwhelming, confusing jumble of thoughts. Lucy’s sketch burned a hole in my back pocket and I took it out, carefully unfolded it. Light snow fell and I bowed my head over it, holding the paper close so it wouldn’t get wet.Maybe,I thought. Then I shied away from the idea, because it was way too much to think about, way too much to put on the line.
CHAPTER38
Lucy
