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Nicole sat silently, processing the revelation that Rigo had once been in love. He had said that he didn’t believe in love and romance, but clearly at that stage in his life he had. And this woman had stomped all over that.
He continued unprompted, his face a tight mask of hurt. ‘When I was having her things removed from my apartment I found a safety pin at the bottom of the same drawer I used for my condoms. She had often urged me not to use protection, claiming she was on the pill. But I was rigorously safe, even then.’
‘She got pregnant on purpose?’ Nicole breathed.
‘She admitted it all eventually—once she realised it was over. It was hard, seeing the pretence fall away and finding that she wasn’t the person she’d said she was. She had lied about almost everything in order to take me in.’
‘So you chose to get a vasectomy because of what happened?’ Nicole asked, still struggling to get her head around it all.
‘I got over the break-up soon enough—the anger helped. I graduated and moved back to Italy to start working for my father. I was so lost I just wanted to run wild, to party and sleep around to blow off some steam. But every time I looked at a woman I wondered if she was just like Lydia.’
He raised his brows, sitting down beside her heavily.
‘I couldn’t sleep with anyone for more than a year. It tortured me. Then I heard my uncle having a conversation with my father about his mistresses and laughing about how they often tried to get pregnant, not knowing he’d had a vasectomy.’
‘So you went and got one, too?’ Nicole said quietly.
Rigo shook his head. ‘It wasn’t so simple as that. I truly agonised over it. When Lydia first told me she was pregnant I was terrified, but fear soon paved the way for excitement. I had always wanted to be just like my father, you see.’
‘You still went through with it, though?’
‘Yes. I decided that I would never risk giving myself like that ever again anyway, so children wouldn’t be a possibility. I had the procedure, and only had attachments with women I knew were career driven and independent. Nothing close to a gold-digger.’
‘Until you met me.’ Nicole looked up at him, feeling the emotion of his revelation sitting heavy on her chest. ‘It’s very clear to me now why you reacted to me the way you did that morning. I reminded you of her, didn’t I?’ Nicole said sadly.
‘I was unnerved by my oversight, yes. But I know different now. I know the truth about your past.’
‘And yet still you’re determined never to let anyone in ever again?’
‘Nicole...I told you this to help you understand me...’
‘And now I do. Very clearly.’ She stood up, walking as far as the balustrade before turning to face him. ‘What happened to you was painful and scarring. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to trust a woman again.’ She shook her head. ‘But here we are, married a little over a week now, and I’m only just finding this out.’
‘I should have told you before. But we had agreed to keep our distance, I didn’t think you needed to know.’
‘I thought that you were distant with me because of our past. That you were still learning to trust me. I’ve been hoping that maybe with time... That some day we could have more.’
‘I do trust you, Nicole.’ He stood up, taking her hands.
She shook him off, turning away. ‘You trust me not to steal your money, perhaps. But you’ll never trust me with your heart, will you?’ She turned back, seeing his face twist in confusion.
‘My heart? What does that have to do with trusting one another?’ He raised his voice.
‘Everything!’ she said, emotion pouring out of her with every word. ‘How can you not tell that I’m head over heels in love with you?’ She refused to let the tears fall from her eyes. ‘I’ve been falling for you since the night I opened up and told you about my past. I spoke the truth for the first time and you listened. You’re the only person in this world who truly sees me for who I am. What we have together is real—can’t you see that?’
‘I know it’s real. We have a great thing here, Nicole.’
‘But you don’t love me.’ She let the words fall heavily between them. Creating a gap that she knew now would never be filled no matter how hard she tried.
Rigo ran a hand through his hair, his blue eyes darkening with frustration. ‘It’s not that I don’t—it’s that I can’t. You’re asking for something from me that doesn’t exist.’
Nicole shook her head. ‘Of course it exists. You’re not a robot just because you’ve been burned badly. You’re afraid to give yourself fully to anyone, and I understand that.’
