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“Yes, you do. Because that’s what Iam,” I growl quietly. “I wasn’t the son my father wanted. But I was the one heneeded, to have someone to ascend his throne, since that wasn’t in the cards for my older half-brother.”
I look away, eyes gazing into the middle distance.
“At first, they didn’t really know what was the matter with me. I was charming and made friends, but then I’d also hurt or steal from those same friends, seemingly without feeling a single shred of guilt or remorse. My father, cruel tyrant that he was, was proud of this behavior. He said it was proof of my ability to be king, and that I’d be a strong leader. But later, as I got older and the violence in me became harder to contain, he didn’t know what to do with me. Nobody did.”
Una’s brow caves a little, her eyes locked on me as she takes a sip of tea.
“That’s when Lorcan, my mother’s brother, stepped in. He saw pretty quickly what I was—or at least thought he did. And he helped me channel it constructively. Boxing, hunting…anything he could think of to give me an outlet to release the darkness inside me.”
Until he saw too much, that is.
“Is he…” she swallows. “Is he still alive?”
“No.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Me too. But we hadn’t spoken in a very, very long time when he died.”
Her brow knits. “Why not?”
My jaw tightens as I look away. “Because he’d seen the real me. He thought he knew how bad it was, but then he got a good look at the true depths of how different and broken I was.”
“What happened?” She flinches as soon as she says it. “I’m sorry, that’s not my business—”
“Do you want to know?”
She blinks, staring right at me as she nods slowly. “If you want to tell me, yes.”
I don’t know why we’re talking about any of this.No oneknows these things about me. Not Neve, not Eilish, not even Castle.
But we’re here now. She’s already seen a monstrous side of me that few ever really have. Castle’s seen mebad. He’s been with me when the savagery has come out. But Una saw a part of me tonight that I keep hidden even from Castle.
Thejoyof it all. The sheer thrill of the kill.
I know how exhilarating it felt to destroy those pieces of shit in that alley tonight. I know the feeling of release, and the almost sensual thrill of committing acts of violence that brings a savage smile to my face.
Which she saw.
This woman didn’t see me “angry” or “being crazy”.
She saw me at my mostsociopathic—blood dripping down my hands and face, glee in my eyes, cloaked in death.
And fuckingenjoying it.
And yet, she’s not jumping on a plane and getting as far away from me as she can, like Lorcan did when he found me that one night. She’s not screaming or cowering from me.
She’s still sitting here. She’s looking right at me. Shewantsto know this part of me.
“There were these two boys at school who were spreading vicious, disgusting rumors about my sister.”
She frowns. “You have a sister?”
“Had. Saoirse. She…passed away young.”
Una’s face crumbles. “I’m so sorry, Cillian.”
I nod. “Anyway, these two pricks were spreading lies about her taking money for sexual favors. It was just stupid teen boy bullshit. But it…” I shake my head. “Itgotto me. It festered. I did give them a chance. I asked them to stop. But when they doubled down and it got worse…”
