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“Alexander and I had a problem in common,” Elizabeth interrupted. “Teagan allowed us to solve it, for the most part.”
“What does that mean?”
Elizabeth turned to face her and said, “It means, Alex and I were both gay. And while our father had many positive traits, supporting two gay children wasn’t one of them.”
“What did he do?” Palmer asked, looking angry.
“Nothing. He didn’t know.”
“Then, ho–”
“We knew our father. We knewhisfather, too. They were fairly conservative, devout in their faith. Our mother was better, but also devout. When you add that to the fact that we were royals and meant to carry on the line, it didn’t compute for either of us to tell him. Dad made several comments over the years about homosexuals. He wouldn’t have wanted two out of his four children to be gay.”
“You can’t help who you are, Elizabeth.”
“I know that. Alex knew, too, but we both made the decision that it would be better for us if Dad didn’t know. Martin was going to be King one day. He was much more progressive. Gay marriage was only just legalized here last year, and while monarchs don’t vote and don’t choose political sides, Dad made his opinion known on the matter. He didn’t want it to pass. Alex and I made and stuck with our decision.”
“So, your gay brothermarriedyour girlfriend?”
“Yes, he did. Alex didn’t want a husband. He much preferred to date around, and he always chose men who were discreet. Teagan wanted to be with me, but we couldn’t without facing my father’s wrath and maybe even the country’s, too. She and Alex never slept together. They had separate rooms, and she and I got together whenever we could. It was a lot easier when she was in school with me, before they moved into their house, but we made time for each other.”
“The books?”
“Those were from when we were in school. She’d buy one and highlight things that made her think of me. Then, she’d give it to me to do the same. I kept some of them at my house. She had the rest. I went to the house she and Alex shared after and took them. I haven’t had the heart to open them and read them since she died, but I have them to remember her by.”
“Elizabeth, you lost your familyandthe woman you loved in one day?”
“Part of me will always love Teagan Gentry, Palmer, but after she married Alex, something changed with us.” She moved back to the sofa to sit down next to Palmer. “It was like that ceremony and that vow before God and country made me see her differently. I know that’s not fair to her; she did it for me. It was a way for us to be together, for Alex to marry and avoid any speculation about his own sexuality, and no one really cared about me as the third-born once Martin had the kids. I had a lot of time before I had to get married or people would start wondering why I wasn’t. I figured I could use school as an excuse and then a career, and eventually, people would give up, including my parents, and Teagan and I could be together in our own way. But things changed.”
“How so?” Palmer asked softly.
“We stopped being romantic, for one. We had to arrange to spend time together. As second-born, Alex was required to perform royal duties alongside Martin. He would bring his wife, obviously, and Teagan seemed to enjoy that part of the deal. I normally wasn’t required to attend or didn’t want to have to find my own date, so I was left alone a lot. About six months ago, she started to talk about this friend she’d met at one of the functions, and how they’d hit it off. They started spending time together, and I thought she was cheating on me, and technically, Alex, too. We fought over it. She was risking everything. I yelled. She told me nothing had happened but that she was starting to have feelings for her. I yelled some more.” Elizabeth let a few tears fall. “We were each other’s only. She wanted to explore, but she’d locked herself into this family and had no way out. I loved her and couldn’t understand how she’d want to be with someone else in the way we’d been together.”
“God, I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
“Three months before it happened, we were still technically together, but things were different. I think she was with me because she felt trapped, and I was with her because I’d never known anything else. I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with her. And when Rebecca told me they were all gone, I thought of her first.” She started crying in earnest. “I thought of my girlfriend first; not my father or my brothers or Lyla or even the kids. I thought of Teagan and how I’d never know if we were going to make it past what we were going through. How wrong is that?”
“It’s not wrong. You can’t help how you feel or what comes to your mind when something like this happens. Come here,” Palmer said, pulling Elizabeth into her side, wrapping her comforting arm around her as Elizabeth’s head went to Palmer’s shoulder. “I am so sorry. I wish I could take away all this pain. I wish I could find a way to give her back to you.”
“She didn’t want me, Palmer. She wanted someone else at the end. I could tell. I could see it in her eyes; feel it when she kissed me.”
“Maybe you could have worked it out. I don’t know. I–”
“She told Alex the day before it happened that she wanted a divorce, Palmer. Don’t you see? She wanted to be free of him. Being free of him meant she could be free ofme. She’d be able to be with whomever she wanted with no strings; have the life she wanted. She could marry a woman, have a family, and settle down. I never thought I’d do that. I couldn’t give that to her. I was too scared.”
“You don’t have to be scared now.”
“I’m terrified,” Elizabeth replied, wiping the tears from her cheeks again. “I am terrified, Palmer.”
“Why? You can be whoever you want to be now, Elizabeth. As terrible as it is that you lost them all… you can be yourself now.”
“No, I can’t.” Elizabeth stood.
“Why not? What’s holding you back?”
“I’m the Queen of St. Rais, Palmer. I have–”
“Your Majesty,” Rebecca said, entering the room. “Oh. Ma’am, is everything okay?” she asked when she saw Elizabeth’s tear-streaked face.
