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“Hen’s the youngest. Best we can guess, I’m the middle child. I kinda make sense now, don’t I?” he joked. “We’re pretty sure our sister is the oldest. Hen and I are too close in age for her to be between us, and there’s no way she was youngest so… process of elimination.” He paused. “I wonder if I’m Irish twins with her too?”
Ayelish smiled and continued to listen, letting Wit work out whatever he needed to at that moment.
“Ya know what Hen said to me?” he asked with a long pause, waiting for an answer, and when she didn’t give it, he went on. “He said he looked up to me when we were kids. Wanted to be like me. Brave, he said.”
“That’s quite a compliment, Wit. That means you were important to him, and he made a good impression. I’m sure that stuck with him.”
“He said that,” Wit acknowledged. “Said he didn’t remember much but remembered he had a good brother. A real good brother. I just wish I knew, ya know? That it was him back when we started workin’ with those guys.”
Yet again, Ayelish didn’t have an answer or response, but Wit wasn’t looking for one. He just wanted to talk. Be heard. Make sense of it all in his own way.
Wit finally turned his tearful stare to Ayelish. “How did I not know my own brother, Aye?”
Emotion overcame her expression as she saw the pain he wore in his. “Wit… you were a child the last time you saw him. A child living in deplorable circumstances with so much weight on his shoulders. It’s been over two decades… give yourself a little grace.”
“But he’s mybrother,” Wit defended. “I loved them so much. How did I not even have a hint? Feel somethin’? Feel like he was familiar? It’s weird, right?”
“You remember a small boy surrounded by the same monsters as you,” she replied. “Those monsters are more vivid for you than anything else, right? It’s probably the same for him.”
“Yeah. I suppose. I’ve always kept a clear picture, especially working in Safe Haven. I wanted to remember them because I wanted to do something about them if I ever encountered them. Hurt them because they hurt us. Does that make me a bad person?” he questioned sincerely. “Is it bad that I want to remember what my demons look like more than I wanted to remember my own brother?”
“No. Maybe it was your way to continue protecting Hen and your sister. We all deal with trauma different, Wit. That’s just how you deal with yours. If actually faced with those people, would you really hurt them? Or seek justice another way?” she asked.
“I-I don’t know, Aye, and that’s what scares me,” he admitted.
“It doesn’t scare me. It sounds real. It sounds reasonable. It means that despite what they deserve, you’re not like them. You’re still good despite everything that happened to you in their world. You want to do right and not wrong. That’s not scary, Wit. It’s admirable. Brave.”
“I don’t feel brave.” He let out a deep sigh. “I feel… I don’t know. I feel like everything I knew about myself yesterday is gone today. Like everything has changed. Because it has, and I don’t know where I fit in now. Who I am now. I found my brother, Aye. I have real blood family. It’s wild to me to think that this day has finally come when I’d given up on it.”
“It’s a lot to take in, but for the record, you’re the same Wit you were yesterday. You just have a bigger family.”
Wit moved the squirrel to the back of the sofa near his shoulder where Duchess was perched and pulled Ayelish onto his lap, where he held her close. “That’s a good way to look at things, darlin’. That’s why I keep you around. You’ve got a smart head on your shoulders.”
“Oh, that’s why, huh?” she teased, noting he was trying to lighten the mood.
“I ain’t gonna lie to you on a Tuesday, that’s a big part.” He chuckled, resembling a bit like himself again. “You know what else? I’m not ever lettin’ you go, either.”
She cupped his face in her hands. “You’re the sweetest man. And it’s cute you thought you had a choice because I wasn’t letting you go either.”
“Aw, you’re feelin’ sassy. I like it when you’re sassy.” He ran his hand up and down her back and relaxed further on the outdoor sofa they were seated on. “I’ll tell you what, girl. If there’s any takeaway here, any big aha moment, it’s just how much I want this. You, me, the baby.”
“Me too.”
“I’m tellin’ you right now, I’ll never let you or our baby down. I’ll never leave you two, and I’ll never leave you wonderin’ what you mean to me. You will always be first and my whole world, you hear me? Always.”
Wit swiped away the tears trickling down her cheeks as she bobbed her head, speechless.
“I love you, darlin’. So much it fuckin’ hurts to my core, crushes my soul, and sets my heart on fire. A good hurt. A lucky hurt. The kind you hold tight”—he clenched his fists together and held them out in front of them—
“with both hands like it’s… the meanin’ of life and the end of it if you even lighten that grip a smidge. Because life begins and ends with you and our baby. Kinda poetic, right? Like life makes sense when you color it that way. Know what I mean?”
“I-I do.” She let out a sob laced with laughter. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Huh.” He turned his attention back to the city. “I never could put it in words before. Maybe I should write that down and send it to those people who make those… special cards at the store. Or put it in a book. Yeah, I’ll… write a book.”
Ayelish’s head fell back as she giggled and playfully added, “A book could be a good idea. Maybe add your soup recipes.”
“Now you’re thinkin’.” He shook his finger at her epiphany, and his eyes lit up with the idea. “Words with Soup… for the Soul. Kinda like an inspirational cookbook.”
