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She tilted her head to the side, seeming comforted by his honesty. “You’re doing very well at it, Killion. I think it’s different this time for us because we have these two little people added to the mix now.”
“Maybe.”
“I, uh…” Tears threatened to spill over once again. “I’m so grateful for you, and they have you because I don’t know how this mom thing works. I feel like I’m so behind with them and never going to catch up. I feel out of place and inadequate. You have everything figured out, and they’re on this great schedule and happy. I’m over here wondering if they even know I’m their mom or just an auntie dropping by to spend time with them. Am I bonding with them? Do they feel bonded? I know they do with you –– you’re like an instant comfort to them. And I worry… I worry… did I bring danger right to their doorstep? To yours? Is being here the right thing?”
“Ah, Rainy. You’ve got it all wrong. Are you kidding me? You’re a natural at this. You stepped right in despite the obstacles in front of you. From the moment you woke up from your coma, it’s been you and those babies. Even when you needed help holding them.”
“I don’t miss that.”
“I’m sure you don’t. I’ve never met someone more determined to defy the odds than you.” He went on, pouring his heart out to her. Saying all the things he’d wanted to and didn’t know how until now. “You know, when you were still in a coma, I would cover you in their blankets so they’d smell like you and then take them to the NICU and swaddle the babies in them. It always soothed them until they could be with you. It’s like they knew it was you. So they definitely know you’re their mom. They didn’t do that for anyone else who’s helped care for them.”
The tears finally spilled over but for a new reason. “I had no idea. That’s so incredibly sweet, Killion.”
“I’d read something about how they could recognize your smell and the sound of your voice. I had voicemails… from before. I played them so they could hear you.”
“From before I left, you mean?” she asked, and he nodded. “I can only imagine what those messages said.”
“I only played the age-appropriate ones.” He grinned. “They really liked the one where you were headed here to Watermark and debated whether to grab tacos or pizza for dinner and opted for both.”
“I remember that.” Her smile dimmed for a moment. “I brought tacos and taco pizza. That was one of our last nights before I left. I didn’t know it then, but I had to have been pregnant with them.”
“Hence the taco and pizza debate.”
“It’s all making sense now.” She giggled.
“The babies didn’t care what was on that message. It was just the sound of your voice that mattered. But if they happen to have a liking for tacos or taco pizza, we’ll know why,” Killion teased, earning a laugh. Then he reached for his phone and tapped the screen. “I started playing this after you woke up.”
The two sat in silence while he pulled up a voice memo on his phone and hit play. Killion nodded to the twins encouraging her to watch them when suddenly, it was her voice that came through, singing a lullaby. The babies stopped cooing and making their little baby sounds and looked around until their sweet little stares fixed on Rainy.
“Is that… me?” she choked through the tears. “I don’t remember that.”
“You’d just woken up. It was the first time you held them. Well, sort of.” Killion watched her as she watched their babies, and the moment struck him in a way he couldn’t explain. “They’d finally graduated from those incubator things and were in the regular little bassinet bed things. They weren’t supposed to leave the NICU, but there was a night nurse, older woman, who spent a lot of late nights up there with me, showing me how to take care of them. She bent the rules and helped me bring them down to you so you could hold them. You were still in no shape to go to them.”
“I barely remember that. At least I think I do?” Rainy’s expression twisted into a strained grimace as she tried hard to remember. “I think I remember her tucking them into me, one on each side, kind of on my shoulders.”
Killion nodded. “Skin to skin. She was a big pusher of that and insisted. Said it was good for you and them. The minute you felt them, groggy as you were, you began to sing. I recorded it for them.”
Rainy ran her hands over each of their tiny heads as the emotions flooded her. “Wow. Thank you for doing that and sharing it with me. I feel like I’ve missed so many special moments. You have no idea how much that one means.”
She clutched her chest, barely able to speak. “They’ve been my whole heart since the day I found out about them, and I couldn’t wait to sing that to them once they were here. I sang it my entire pregnancy for them so they’d know my voice. You have no idea how special this is.”
When the song ended, Killion tucked his phone away and handed her a napkin. “They know who you are, Rainy.”
“Thanks to you,” she said.
“No. You did that all on your own.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t me.”
“I really do appreciate it. All of it. They’re lucky to have you. So am I.”
He nodded, uncomfortable having the focus on him. “Now that you’re home…”
A subtle gasp escaped her when he said home, and it wasn’t lost on him. Hearing that from him meant something to her, and it pleased him to know it did.
“I thought that maybe we could name them? Unless you’re not ready. We still have a bit of time left —
up to six months after they were born.”
“Honestly, I think I’ll call them baby girl and little man the rest of their lives,” she teased.
