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“I don’t regret Meyer and Jolie, but I do regret not knowing and not being… careful with you,” he admitted.
“You did nothing wrong then, and you’re doing nothing wrong now. Killion, I was abused against my will, and yeah, that comes with a hell of a lot of baggage, but it isn’t who I am. It certainly has nothing to do with our relationship.” Rainy fought back. “I’m certainly not going to let my past continue to take from me now. Not after all the hard work I’ve done to overcome my circumstance. I’m no longer a victim, don’t you see? I’m a victor. My past cannot hurt me anymore.”
“I don’t want to cross a line and trigger old wounds, Rainy.”
“Then don’t. I have a voice now. I know how to fight back. I choose what I let in and what I don’t, and I’m letting you in,” she shared. “You didn’t have an issue before, so you shouldn’t now.”
“I didn’t know what had happened to you then.”
“Exactly. You didn’t know, and you still didn’t hurt me. Knowing shouldn’t change anything. You have to know that I’m not one to sit idly by. You don’t know me as a victim or a survivor. You know me as Rainy, who doesn’t have a problem putting anyone in their place. You said you see me, Killion. Tell me how you see me?”
Killion considered what she said. “You’re strong. Resilient. A fighter. Humble and kind but doesn’t take crap from anyone. One of the bravest people I know.”
“Does that sound like someone you need to be careful with?” she asked, moving back to her place in his lap.
He cradled her face in his hands and looked her in the eye, watching the fire dancing in her stare. “How’d I get so lucky?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered as a devilish smirk crossed her expression. “Maybe there’s a graph or a spreadsheet on it.”
Killion took her mouth and kissed her hard, picking up where they’d left off moments before. He laid her back on the sofa they were seated on and straddled her leg. Intimate, but not too intimate, as they were new to this. It’d been a long time since they’d known each other this way, and he wasn’t one to assume… but he did hope. Hope there was still something there. A spark that would ignite a roaring fire neither could control.
Killion stared down at her. No matter what he did, he knew it would change everything. It was different this time –– better. More meaningful. Purposeful. With intentions he could hardly wrap his mind around. Killion took her mouth gently, sweetly. Fast and hard was their preference before, but more was on the line now, and he needed to communicate with her what he couldn’t put into words.
Careful with her body, aware she was still healing, he stroked the length of her body with one hand while his kisses descended, taking him to her neck, then collarbone, before finally landing on her perfect breast, causing her to arch. He liked how reactive she was to his touch –– maybe it meant she felt the same way he did. It drove a virile urge through him that he was mindful to control, even if the primal need she created was crying out.
Taking his time, he explored her body with his mouth, feeling and tasting every inch of her. Killion wanted to know her body –– her new beautiful body –– in every single way. Rainy may not have looked different, but she felt different, and all he could conclude was that the bond was now different. He remembered what touches she liked and those she craved, but danced around them, exploring new, because something between them was new.
Her breathy moans increased, so did his pace. Killion moved between her legs, spreading her wide. Resting his length against her. He stalled as he hovered above her, waiting for her okay. She needed to be sure. When she pulled his mouth down to hers and adjusted her body so he was at her entrance, he knew her mind had been made up, and nothing pleased him more.
He let her set the pace, taking him in little by little so she could adjust to him, aware even this would be different for both of them. Rainy dragged her nails down his side and grabbed his ass, pulling him into her like she needed him to breathe. Her touch was sensual, and her feel was tantalizing, threatening his control. He wanted her, needed her – all of her.
Not a word was said, yet everything he needed to tell her was shared. It wasn’t a new beginning necessarily… just a new understanding. A way for him to communicate with Rainy the things he couldn’t put into words, and it was as if she understood it for exactly that. It was mostly because she understood him at that moment that perhaps she knew him better than he knew himself. Like they were who they were, and nothing else mattered because that feeling he kept dancing around didn’t require words when you felt it so damn deep in your soul. That was them, joined at the soul, connected hearts, lovers who… loved.
16
Wrapped in each other’s embrace, Killion lightly stroked the length of Rainy’s back as she lay across him, drowsy and completely satiated.
“You’re quiet,” he said. “Everything okay?”
“More than okay. I’m just catching my breath still.” She chuckled. “That was… something. More than I remembered.”
“A lot has changed this past year,” he said. “Everything is different. I took the nights I had with you for granted without even realizing it. I’ll treat every night with you like it’s our last now, so you know, no matter what, how I feel about you.”
“It’s just the beginning, Killion.” Her hand lay across his chest, and she rested her chin there to look at him. “You’ll never have to worry if it’s our last night.”
Killion quickly sat up, careful to cradle her so she didn’t fall. He stared out over the balcony in the distance and wrapped her in the blanket.
“Killion?”
He slid out from beneath her, pulled on his sweats from the ground where they’d been tossed, went to the balcony railing, and continued to stare.
When she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, he turned to face her. “Go inside. Get dressed.”
His words seemed harsh and short, quickly making her uneasy as she backed away from him. “But…”
“You hear that, right?” he questioned, turning his back to her again and scanning the dark sky beyond them.
“I-I don’t hear…”
