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“Rainy…” Wit said, trying to calm her.
“No,” she said. “I won’t hear it. Not until there’s confirmation.”
Hen tried. “Sis…”
Rainy wiped away the tears with the back of her hands and stood, straightening her clothes and brushing herself off. Standing tall, she placed her hands on the stroller. “I, uh, need to get the babies upstairs. It’s, uh… almost time for their morning feeding.”
Heading for the door, she refused offers for help. She wanted to be alone with her babies in the home she shared with Killion where she could feel him all around her.
“I’ll be up in a bit to check on you,” Wit said.
She turned on her heels and forced a weak smile. “There’s no need. Really. It’s okay… Killion’s okay.”
And she left with her babies. Alone.
24
The weather forecast called for rain, typical Pacific Northwest weather, but this day… they were wrong. It was as if the heavens had opened to welcome one of its own home by casting bright, soul-warming rays of light on the day like a spotlight of joy and remembrance as the O’Reillys and Keepers gathered to pay tribute to one of their own.
Rainy sat on a white folding chair in the front row of many on a lush green lawn staring at a podium flanked with beautiful florals with a stunning mahogany casket as a backdrop –– that is, if a casket could be stunning –– listening to people take turns paying tribute to someone they all loved dearly.
It wasn’t like any other day, for obvious reasons, but it wasn’t all that different either. There were floods of emotion and that felt like a new normal as they all adjusted to the absence of a pillar of a man who held them all together. It was especially hard for Rainy as she looked on at her twin babies, who were too you young and unaware of what was going on around them or the tremendous loss they’d endured. That they’d all endured.
Funerals were never fun. It’s been said that sharing quirky stories, fun memories, and what made a person spectacular with others who knew them as fondly, also grieving, was meant to be special, comforting, and offer closure. Whoever said that was full of shit. Funerals were salt on the wound that was never going to heal. It was forever. Final. The end of something great –– in most cases –– and beginning of something unfamiliar that would never feel… whole… or right.
Sitting around with others, lost in grief, while they poured out their feelings for an audience was like twisting a knife already embedded in your gut. A sucker punch to your soul. Another rip in your heart… if there was even a piece left. Loss meant just that… something was gone. A piece of you missing. The world suddenly broken. Nothing would be normal again. How did that emptiness and torturous pain honor someone who’d passed?
It didn’t make sense to Rainy. She loathed being there, probably more than most, and couldn’t wait for it to be over so she could process what happened, make whatever sense of it she could, and mourn. Alone.
“He was… always so serious.” Declan chuckled from the podium looking out at the sea of people seated before him. “Which made him the funniest person I knew.”
Declan swiped away a tear and continued to pay tribute to his loved one. Rainy couldn’t help but smile, thinking back to all the funny moments they all shared. There were two things this family, both biological and chosen, did well together, and it was love and laugh. It was the foundation everything was built on for them. Why they trusted each other so deeply and fought so hard for each other.
She still couldn’t believe he was gone. In the blink of an eye, her whole world turned upside down and the greatest love she’d ever known was gone. It didn’t feel real. Probably never would. Death was funny that way. It could wreck you and shake you to your core, but then memories like those everyone was sharing could bring warmth and joy like your loved one was still with you. It was like they sprinkled pieces of their heart everywhere to remember them by before they left.
“You could always count on him,” Mercy said, as it was his turn to pay tribute to their fallen loved one. “You always knew whether you were in the field taking fire or at a family barbecue that he had your back. That’s who he was, everyone’s hero. If he wasn’t already your brother, he was an O’Reilly, he had many, you sure felt like one.”
He was a hero, Rainy thought. It wasn’t easy for most of these tough guys to show emotion after all they’d seen in the world –– each were a little broken in their own way –– but it was especially hard for him, yet he didn’t let the obstacle hinder him. It was his self-appointed duty to protect his people. It was how he showed that he cared… that he loved. He watched over everyone and intercepted danger and deceit before it could land on their doorsteps… until now, when it landed on his.
Rainy’s thoughts wandered, and she recalled all the times they’d had together, the memories they’d created. For the first time in her life, she felt safe, seen, and loved, and it was because of him. Now she had a gaping hole in her soul and a shattered heart that she didn’t think would ever see repair because only he knew how to fill those spaces and fix what was broken. Going on without him felt impossible –– it felt wrong. But here they all were. Saying goodbye.
“I’d never met a more serious son of a gun in my life…” Wit snickered. “The guy didn’t like change, he was married to his routines, and when life took a turn, he made a spreadsheet, became an expert on whatever was going on, and then shared it with everyone. It’s how he adapted to new or different, and it was damn funny. Like when I came about my cat Duchess. That girl don’t like no one but me. She tore up a few of y’all and had no remorse ’cause she’s kind of an asshole like that.”
The crowd chuckled. “But our guy… man, he studied everything he could find on cat psychology, I shit you not, it’s a thing, and he became the damn cat whisperer. Duchess loved him. That’s who he was… champion to all. Two-legged and four-legged alike. It’s how he did life and how he loved while doing it.”
Her brother wasn’t wrong. It’s one of the many things Rainy loved most about him. He may not have picked up on social cues well or understand emotions without getting uncomfortable and giving it considerable thought, but he sure did love big. So big he’d go to the ends of the earth, despite his own internal obstacles, to make things right for everyone. Including a damn cat with a bad attitude. He was sweet, kind, and so damn loving even when it wasn’t obvious. He loved in his own way.
“I know I’ve already been up here about five times now,” Wit shared. “But I just keep thinkin’ about him and things… things worth sharin’ ’bout this guy, ya know? Hell, we may be here all day.”
Laughter tended to follow anything Wit said, and today was no different as he took another turn, paying tribute as he struggled to work through his grief like so many were. “A lot of y’all have been around to see all the babies bein’ born around here. If there’s something the O’Reillys are good at, it’s makin’ more O’Reillys. It’s like they’re goin’ for world domination or somethin’, poppin’ out twins every other time. I’ll never forget when I came here and joined the family business. Our building is massive, and I got turned around and ended up in some random spot I wasn’t supposed to be in. It was a room full of women and their little offspring. Most were little O’Reillys. You could tell by their thick necks and bulging biceps covered in tattoos. I think one of them toddlers had a beard already, and they all had crazy ninja moves, scaling walls and shit while their mamas were sippin’ wine or somethin’. It was like a mommy and me group on steroids. Wildest thing.”
Wit tucked his hands in his pockets and swayed, wearing a devilish smirk as he recalled the encounter. “You know who was sittin’ at the head of that group talkin’ about pureed baby food? Our guy, that’s right. He truly wanted to know everything there was to know about everything.” Wit shook his head. “That’s just who he was. He took care of everyone, even the mamas and rascals.
“It finally made sense to me when he became a dad himself just a few months back. Most of y’all know how that went, so I’ll spare the details, but he took on fatherhood like he’d been doin’ it his whole life. Those babies came into the world all crazy-like, and it was touch-and-go for a bit, but he didn’t flinch. He just super-starred that shit like he did everything else, and I was in awe. I hope I can be half the dad he was because the roadmap he left was cut short. Like many of you, I’ll spend the rest of my life teaching those babies of his everything there is to know about their super dad.”
Rainy burst into tears thinking about the time her babies lost with their father. Wit took his seat next to her and wrapped an arm around her, lending his shoulder to cry on. The pain was gut-wrenching, but when she thought of what her children were losing… there just weren’t words to describe what that felt like.
It had only been a handful of days, and she missed him so badly it physically hurt. Hearing all the kind things everyone was sharing was comforting, but it was also a reminder that all that greatness they were praising… was never coming back. And she couldn’t wrap her mind around that. It didn’t feel real and definitely didn’t feel right. It probably would never feel right again as there’d always be something missing –– someone missing.
