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Josie stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her in close. She inhaled and felt herself melt against him. “Noah, I don’t want to have any regrets.”
“Okay,” he said into her hair. His hands stroked her back. “What kinds of regrets are we talking about?”
“Big ones.”
He brought his hands up and cradled her head, drawing back so he could look into her eyes. Smiling, he said, “Should I be worried?”
Josie laughed. “No. I mean, I don’t think so.”
He released her. “What’s going on, Josie?”
She glanced over at the fridge. They had at least a dozen drawings by Harris at any given time. Looking back at Noah, she said, “What if I change my mind about wanting kids?”
He visibly relaxed, the tension draining from his shoulders. “That’s what this is about? Have you changed your mind?”
“I don’t know. I’m—I’ve been thinking about it. When we talked about it before, the reasons I didn’t want them all had to do with me being afraid.”
He touched the scar on the side of her face, tracing it from her ear to her chin. “I know.”
“You said I was enough for you.”
“Because you are.”
“Do you want children?”
“Not as much as I want to be with you, Josie.”
“Noah.”
He dropped his hand. “Part of me does, yes. Sometimes I think about what it would be like. It’s hard not to think about it with Harris around all the time. God, I love that kid.”
Josie smiled. “Me too. Noah, do you ever feel afraid? Of being a parent?”
“Of course,” he said. “Even with Harris, I worry about him all the time.”
“No,” she said. “I mean afraid that you’ll screw up. End up like your dad.”
Noah’s father had left his mother as soon as Noah was eighteen. He’d completely abandoned his family. He’d been waiting for his youngest child to become an adult so that he could leave and start over elsewhere—and he had. He had a new, younger wife, and children. He didn’t keep in contact with Noah or his siblings.
“I won’t end up like my dad,” Noah replied.
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m not an asshole.”
“Noah.”
“Josie, I know I won’t turn out like my dad. I won’t do what he did. I see Harris and spend time with him and even though he’s not mine—even though we’re not related by blood or even marriage—I’d take a bullet for that kid. I could never abandon him. Ever. That’s how I know.”
She nodded. In a husky voice, she said, “That’s how I feel. I’ve always been afraid that somehow I’d be the kind of mother that Lila was to me: cruel and abusive, neglectful and damaging, but I know now that I’m wrong. I wouldn’t be like that at all. It’s not—it’s not in me.”
“I’m glad you realize that. Everyone else sees it. You’ve spent a lifetime punishing yourself for things that Lila did to you. Josie, if you want kids, we can have kids.”
A lump formed in her throat. “I’m not exactly there yet,” she said. “I just know that it’s not the kind of decision I want to make from a place of fear. I’m afraid if I make big decisions based on my fear, I’ll…have a lot of regrets.”
He closed the distance between them and cupped her cheeks, tilting her chin up toward him. His hazel eyes sparkled. “Take some time,” he said. “We can talk about it again after you’ve had time to think.”
She blinked, feeling intoxicated with relief and love and Noah’s proximity.
