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I yank open the door and rush out, determined not to cry in his presence. It takes extreme effort, but I pull myself together in the elevator when it opens and I see some people already in it. I paste a forced smile on my face and nod at them. Taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly, I’m able to remain composed until we get to the ground floor. I hurry out of the building in despair, knowing it’s the last time I’ll ever be in it. There’s no way I’ll continue working for Gareth now, not after this.
But what will I do if I’m indeed pregnant? How will I take care of myself and my baby without a job? How do I tell my mom and Melissa that I’m pregnant by my boss, who practically denied responsibility for it? And how do I help them now, financially?
A cold draft hits me. I pull my jacket closer and look around at the busy streets. Vehicle horns blare in the air. Even though I might find some entertainment in the subway to shift my thoughts from what just happened in my office, I’m not in the mood to be in a crowded space. Union Square Park beckons but sobbing in the presence of strangers doesn’t appeal to me. So, I hail a cab and give him my address.
Tears slide down my cheeks as the vehicle drives away. I see Jackie coming out of the building, and I’m glad she missed me. What would I have told her was the reason for my sour mood? I think I’m pregnant by the man we’re both sleeping with? Was he sleeping with her? I don’t know what to believe anymore.
“Are you alright, ma’am?” the elderly cab driver asks with concern as I continue sniffing, trying to hold back my tears.
I long to tell him everything just so the boulder that has formed in my chest will dissolve, but I shake my head. There’s no wisdom in pouring my sad life story to a stranger.
“I’m fine, thanks. I just had a… rough day.”
He nods and focuses his attention on the busy street. I wipe my tears away, struggling to control my emotions.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I wouldn't have bumped into Gareth if I hadn’t brought out the test I bought during my lunch break . Or I should have picked up his calls and replied to his messages. If I had done so, he wouldn’t have come to look for me. Regret fills me, but I’m also grateful it happened. At least now I know how Gareth feels about me.
I arrive at my apartment, thankful for the quiet. I immediately go to the bedroom and lie down, tears flowing freely.
After a wonderful weekend with him, why would Gareth still have it in his mind that I slept with Brad? Or is it just an excuse to avoid acknowledging that the pregnancy is his doing? He doesn’t seem like that kind of person. I wonder if he did the same to Linda when she told him she was pregnant. That he thinks I’m like his ex-wife sends a bolt of pain shooting through me again.
A slight cramping on my lower belly propels my eyes open. I feel warm wetness between my legs, and my heart beats a rapid thud in my chest. Swiftly, I scramble down from my bed and hurry to the bathroom.
Tears shimmer in my eyes when I see the blood. I want to be joyous and thankful that I’m not pregnant, but at the same time, there is a wave of sadness. I place my hand on my stomach.
So, I’m not carrying Gareth’s baby. I should be happy that there’s no baby nestled in there that has already been rejected by its father, but it hurts all the same.
It’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. I snort at the saying. I wish I never loved Gareth because losing him is heartbreaking. I quit my job, and my love is unrequited. Gareth has a new employee who will warm his bed. He will most likely forget about my existence in a week. I sniff as I get up to take a shower.
“I have to look for a new job.”
However, the urge to go home and see my mom is strong. I’ll have to tell her everything. She’ll be disappointed, but she’ll hold me in her arms and tell me everything will be alright. She’ll bake me an apple pie and give me good advice. I planned to go home for Thanksgiving, but I’ll make the trip sooner.
As I lay on my bed, I go over the incident again. Well, this is it. Gareth and I are through for good. I reach for my phone and send a text message to Gareth.
You can rest easy now. I’m not pregnant.
CHAPTER24
GARETH
“Hailey. I’ll continue saying it until you forgive me. I acted like a class-act jerk. Please forgive me. I know I have no excuse for being so cruel to you, but it was like déjà vu to me, and I freaked out. I shouldn’t have said all those nasty things to you. Please, I desperately need to see you and talk to you. Please pick up my calls or reply to my messages.” I sigh before I end the voicemail.
It’s been two days since our altercation in her office. I’m seated in my car outside her building, staring at it and willing her to come out and talk to me. When I went up a few minutes ago, I was appalled to see that all the flowers and boxes of candy I sent to her were at her doorstep. I know she loves sweets to a fault and seeing them untouched sent a trickle of fear through me. Have I truly blown it with her?
I thought that after apologizing, we would talk, and I would tell her how much she means to me, but her not wanting to see me is ruining my plans. My fingers rake through my hair before I grip the steering wheel. Mixed emotions flooded me when I received her message informing me that she wasn’t pregnant. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad at the news. Having a baby with the woman you love is one of the most beautiful things in the world, and I ruined it.
Give her some time. You hurt her.
I nod at the voice of reasoning in my head. I did hurt her terribly by accusing her of being in cahoots with Linda and sleeping with Mortimer. Deep down, I know she didn’t sleep with him. My Hailey is much too classy to do such a thing. A woman who has had only one lover before me wouldn’t suddenly jump into bed with another man. And she’s nothing at all like Linda. Haven’t I established that repeatedly? Then why did I throw those accusations at her? Why?
I groan loudly as I sit in the dark, wallowing in self-directed anger at my actions. I really have to find a way to control my temper. Whenever I’m angry, I act cruelly. It’s my greatest flaw, and Hailey was beginning to change me. But I’ve blown it with her because of my anger issues. Maybe I should attend anger management classes so I’ll stop hurting the ones I love.
My phone rings, and I grab it with the speed of lighting, hoping it’s Hailey. A sigh of disappointment escapes my lips when I see it’s Amber.
Since we both discovered that Linda manipulated us all this time, we’ve drawn closer. We call and text each other daily, even doing so while I was in Aspen with Hailey. I guess the anger of being discovered made Linda divulge all those lies to Hailey. Was she the one who did? Hailey didn’t mention who told her, but my money is on Linda, the witch. Asking my ex-wife will be a complete waste of time.
“Hello, Pumpkin. How are you doing?”
