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I can still smell him. Even though he walked out seconds ago, his presence still fills the atmosphere, so much so that I can still sense him around me. His taste is on my tongue. I remember his mouth, harsh and hot on my lips, his chest pressed against mine. I can feel his hand insistent as it travels up my thigh threatening to venture in between my legs. And I wanted him to. I wanted him to so bad that I nearly cried out for it and I hate myself for it.
The wanting was so intense, it was painful. I remember I mewled as the anticipation ached and he still waited. Watched me. He probably wanted me to beg him, and I bit my lip so I wouldn’t give in.
But fuck. The lust was so overwhelming every logical thought vanished, leaving every nerve ending alive and trembling.
I should have been fighting his hold on me but I couldn’t. He made me want him. Crave him.
And then he crushed me like a bug on the floor before he walked away.
I can’t believe I just made out with my asshole boss in broad daylight. The real world is still somewhere far from me, probably watching me float in this space between dream and nightmare. Lust turned my body into a tense ball teetering on the precipice of pain. I can sense the dampness between my thighs, and feel the taut points of my nipples chafing against the material of my bra. And his parting words made me come crashing down so hard that my body still hasn’t kept up with my head.
Why would he say that? Why would he kiss me only to then just utterly destroy me?
For a while, that's all I can think of. Those couple of minutes where the best and the worst of my day just happened almost simultaneously.
And then slowly, my environment comes back to me in bits. The cool table against my thigh, the sounds of footsteps passing. I'm in a conference room with my skirt pushed up around my thighs and probably kiss marks on my neck.
I was just making out with my boss. The asshole who then called me a slut.
Anyone could have walked in and I hadn't cared. How could I have been so dumb?
He could have ruined my life again and I hadn't cared. Why is it he can make me forget myself? Forget my past? Forget my pain, only to then come around and stick the most painful knife of all.
Humiliation burns hot on my face as I immediately hop off the desk righting my clothes. But I catch sight of myself in the window's reflective glass and pause.
I look like someone who just got fucked and then fucked over. And the worst part about it is that I haven’t even been touched yet, not where it matters. Not where I desperately wanted him to. And that is both a blessing and a curse. How can I crave and despise someone so much?
So somehow, I have to deal with the disappointment of what didn't happen as well as the self-loathing for almost letting it happen.
Because honestly, had Maddox not stopped, I would probably be bent over the desk right now. I would be right where he wanted me.
Thankfully, I don’t bump into anyone in the hallways as I exit and beeline to the bathroom. Luckily, I paid enough attention during the tour to know one is right around the corner. There's no one there when I get there...another added mercy. Anyone who saw me like this would probably be able to tell exactly what happened. That would have added fuel to the disaster fire that was already my reputation.
Not that they weren’t already convinced that I was a whore who was sleeping with my boss, but at least before this, I could comfort myself with the knowledge that it wasn't true.
But now? Who could buy that?
I couldn’t even buy it myself.
I can’t do this.The thoughts are loud in my head.I don’t know who I thought I was kidding. I can’t do this! I have to quit right now.But then I remember Mimi and defeat crashes over me.
I sigh and splash water on my face trying to get that lust-shocked look out of it. I also straighten my clothes as much as I can and tie my mass of hair in a knot at my neck. It doesn't make much of a difference in my eye, but it will have to do. As much as I want to give up and go home, I can't afford that. I have work to do.
Because I can’t quit. I have to see this through.
For Mimi, I tell myself.All of this is for Mimi.
At the same time, though, working for Maddox means spending less time watching my daughter grow up. The hours are brutal and mean most of my day is spent at the office.
I recall the image of Mimi’s smile and take a deep breath. It gives me enough courage to pull myself together and step back out there. When I get back to my desk, the man at the opposite desk—Cliff, I think his name is—glances at me curiously but doesn’t say anything. I wonder if he can tell what just happened from my face, but then I tell myself not to care.
Work. I remind myself. That’s what’s important.
I focus on answering emails from my former clients and scouting out potential ones. On my first day here, I emailed a bunch of my former clients to inform them that I had switched from Clarkson to Reign and Associates, in case they were looking into getting another house. Some of them didn't reply. I suppose they either went with other agents or Greg might have been vindictive enough to damage my reputation with them too. A few did get back to me, though, and seemed eager to work together again.
I know part of the eagerness is due to the reputation of Reign and Associates and they would have ignored me if I were independent. I don't take offense. It's the nature of the business. Reign and Associates is the largest real estate agency in the city and I plan on using that reputation to set myself up for success.
For the rest of the day, I work on getting new prospects. I need more clients if I'm going to prove myself to Maddox and I doubt that anyone on this team is going to help me out with contacts. They're too busy saving their necks.
