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"Um, yes...well, we didn’t really find anything on the tests so far. Best guess is you daughter passed out from exhaustion. She confesses that she barely slept for the past two days because she was practicing for the spelling bee.”
"What?" Ava's voice explodes through the room and her expression is filled with fury as she turns to her daughter, who avoids her mom’s gaze nervously.
Chapter Thirteen
Ava
Standingintheemergencywaiting room, I felt like my worst nightmare had come to life.
No. Worse than that. It was like two worst nightmares mated with each other to make a freaking abomination of nightmares, something that seeped into my bones and completely stole my strength entirely.
That’s how bad it was to imagine Mimi sick.
My knees shook, and I’m not ashamed to say that I almost dropped to the floor waiting for the doctor to deliver the news. I half expected it to be something really bad, some fatal disease or such.
But with the announcement that its exhaustion plaguing her, my relief quickly morphs into anger.
“What?” My voice doesn’t sound like mine. It sounds way too loud and angry which is to be expected, considering how much emotional turmoil is going on inside me at the moment. I turn to my daughter. “Why on earth would you stay up all night?”
“I had to,” Mimi says avoiding my gaze. “I didn’t know all the words yet. I had to keep going until I knew all the words.”
“Know all the words? For the spelling bee?”
“Yes. I had to read all the words in the dictionary. That’s the only way I know that I win.” She gestures with her hands as tries to explain. “Because what if they ask me a word I don’t know and I get it wrong?”
God, my daughter hadn’t slept for two days and I didn’t notice. The babysitter took her to school and brought her back, while I only paid attention to myfreakingwork. The guilt added an extra layer to the brimming cauldron.
“If you get it wrong then you get it wrong,” I say. “It’s not a big deal and it’s not something you should be losing sleep over.” I want to scream the last part but I try to hold back the urge even though my voice is probably louder than I would like.
“Easy,” Maddox says because he can probably see how close I am to losing it. I shut my eyes, quelling the turmoil and panic inside me. I won’t yell at her, won’t detonate my emotions on her. She’s just a child. I’m the adult. I’m the one responsible.
When I open my eyes again, Mimi is pouting.
I don’t want to face her yet, so I turn back to the doctor. “So, there’s nothing else wrong with her?”
“To the best of our knowledge, no,” he says. “We’ll keep running the tests but you should be able to take her home in a little bit.”
“Okay. And then what next?”
“Well, then you should probably follow up with our pediatric psychologist next Thursday..”
“Next Thursday?” Maddox speaks up for the first time, and instantly all eyes are on him. “That’s a whole week away. Why not on Monday?”
The doctor looks cowed by the request, but he shakes his head and laughs nervously. “I don't think our specialist has an opening till Thursday. And really, there’s no need for that. I promise you, it’s not that urgent.”
“My daughter is inkindergartenand already studying till she’s passing out! It feels like it’s urgent.”
He swallows again and looks between Maddox and me. He sighs in resignation. “I’ll see if he has an opening on Monday.”
That only mildly assuages the tension. It feels like that with the adrenaline pumping through me. That’s not the doctor’s fault, though, so I won’t take it out on him. I shake my head, then turn to face my daughter who is staring at the doctor as though fascinated by everything he was saying. Her eyes meet mine.
“Why did you do this, honey?” I ask again, still unable to believe it.
Mimi bites her lips and drops her gaze. “I wanted to win, mom.” Her fingers pluck at her blanket. “I just wanted to win.”
It's not her fault,I tell myself. My daughter is a child, as mature as she tries to be sometimes, and I know how competitive she is. Her determination is one of the qualities I love about her as much as it drives me up the wall.
But, as much as I try to hold on to it, rationality is escaping in the roiling emotion inside me. I feel like I need to let out my emotions or go mad.
