AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I knew there was a reason I never fucked homegrown good girls. The warnings were all there and I should have listened. I should have known she would be my kryptonite, the woman who somehow snuck past all my defenses and is making me feel all this shit that I thought other guys exaggerated about.
I'm not a dumbass.
I’ve never been in love, but something tells me this is what the fall feels like. It is as unexpected as it is unwelcome. I don’t want to love her, because I’m not a man who deserves to. I’m not a man who knows how to love. I'm hard, and selfish, and utilitarian. I’ll hurt her without even meaning to.
I’m not the guy who is going to write her poetry and sing praises of her beauty as she deserves. The guy who’s going to live a happy content life with her.
I’m the guy who’s going to drive himself to an early grave trying to be the best. Who’ll probably die alone like he deserves because all he’s ever done in his life is look out for number one.
And I thought I accepted that about myself. Until now.
Fuck, what am I even thinking? She's something too beautiful, too good for me. And I know that what I feel for her is not up to what she’s going to feel. This is the honeymoon period, the break from reality. But when reality hits, the truth will be unveiled. And I’ll go back to being the selfish bastard that she should never have gotten involved with.
“Um…Are you still there, Mr. Reign?” Patience's voice inquires.
Yes. But I don’t want to be. “Check out today,” I tell her.
***
The ride over the bridge isn't as triumphant as I thought it would be two days ago. In fact, it's quiet. It’s like Ava figured out at the same time that I did that this thing between us is shattered. It’s not so much an awkward silence as it is a relatively sad one, both of us coming to terms with our return to the status quo.
And then suddenly, she bolts up in her seat. “Oh my God.”
“What?” I ask
She turns to me with panicked eyes. “We didn’t use a condom.” She traps her hand over her lips and says, “Shit.”
The curse bursts out of her with such vehemence I almost laugh.
She smacks me on the arm. “It’s not funny.”
“Hey, hey, relax. I’m not laughing because it’s funny. I’m just happy I scrambled your brains so much that it took you four whole days to remember.”
She blushes and smacks me again and I laugh in earnest now.
“In any case, I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” I tell her. “I have a pretty low sperm count and the doctor says it’s a pretty low chance that I’ll ever father a child.”
“Oh.” Rather than relief, confusion fills her face. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Pretty sure. They checked twice.”
She’s silent for a long time and when I glance at her, her eyebrows are furrowed. Like she's thinking really hard about something. I’m sure she thinks she’s stepped on an emotional landmine or brought up hurt feelings so I tell her, “Don’t worry. I don’t feel bad about it. It’s probably for the best anyway.”
“Why would you say that?” She doesn't look pleased by that either.
“I’m great at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure parenthood isn’t going be one of my strengths.” I shrug. “I didn’t exactly have the best example growing up, so I’ll probably be shit at it.”
“That’s not how it works,” she says. “You can have shitty parents and still end up as a decent person. You learn a lot about what not to do."
“Mm,” I say. “Still, it’s not something I’m interested in anyway.” Or maybe I tell myself that so I don’t think about it.
“Oh.”
“But if anything should happen, I’ll take care of it, whatever your decision is.”
Again, she's shocked in silence. And then she has to clarify. "You mean…"
“Yeah. If you get pregnant, I’ll take responsibility for the child. It’s my fault anyway. Should have wrapped up. Or stopped when I realized we didn't have a condom." I remember the feeling of her pussy closing around my flesh, like a heated paradise. Shit, if I pulled out of her at that point, I would have died. My heart would have simply stopped beating.
