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Because no matter what excuse I give myself, the truth is that I lied to him and betrayed him in a pretty brutal way. I just assumed a lot about him and went based on that without considering him.
He lost years of his life with his daughter who is probably the only one he'll ever have.
And I’ve taken it from him.
God. The realization smacks me in the face.He’s not the villain of this story. I am.
And he will be undoubtedly furious when he finds out. Part of me wants to keep it a secret forever, but I know I can’t, not even I want this relationship of ours to continue progressing. But I can’t take that from him anymore. Not when he’s being so sweet, and always asking, making sure I'm comfortable as he establishes a new relationship with his daughter.
But I have no clue how to broach the subject without shattering this relationship we have. And as the weeks wear on, it gets worse and worse.
I finally admit I need help when I call Chloe one day. I pick a day when I know Maddox can’t make it to dinner and Mimi is taking a nap.
“I have a séance in an hour,” Chloe says when she answers the phone.
“I’ve done something horrible,” I say by way of hello.
Chloe, to her credit doesn’t miss a beat. “Horrible like murdered someone or horrible like ordered pineapple on pizza."
"Horrible like kept the truth from someone for years because I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I’m thinking I might just be a shitty person.”
That makes her pause. “Okay, what are you talking about?”
“Mimi’s father.”
“What about him?” she asks. “I thought you said he wanted nothing to do with her after he knocked you up in college.”
“I lied.” My chest is tight with the admission. “I never even told him I was pregnant.”
“For real?” Chloe sounds incredulous. “You never told him?”
There’s no accusation in her tone but it stabs me anyway. And now I need to twist the handle.
I take a deep breath to hold my anxiety, releasing it.. “Chloe, I need to tell you something. And I know you’re probably going to be furious with me when I tell you, but please just let me explain before you freak out.”
I hear her shifting, probably sitting up in bed. “Okay. I’m ready. Hit me.”
“Maddox is Mimi’s dad,” I say. “We hooked up once in college before I even knew he was your brother and I got pregnant. But then I found out who he was and I hid it from him and you and that’s how Mimi came to be.”
The silence is piercing and remains that way for a full minute.
“Oh my God,” she hisses finally.
“Yeah.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Explain,” Chloe’s voice is tight, and I wonder if I’m going to lose my friend because of this too. But I have to see this through.
I tell her everything. How freaked out I was when I found out I was pregnant, how I wanted to tell her but didn’t want to put her in the middle of anything between her brother and me. How I thought she would never forgive me if she found out.
“That’s it,” I say. “I told myself I did it to protect Mimi, but really I think I was terrified he would take her from me. Or that he would make me…get rid of her.” I sigh. What seemed so likely to me in the past now sounds far-fetched. “And trust me, I understand a hundred percent how much I fucked up. I don’t blame you if you never talk to me again.”
Chloe is silent for a few minutes. “Okay, not saying I’m not mad,” she says. “But that’s not important right now. The important thing is you have to tell Maddox.”
“Yes, but how?” He’s going to be furious. He’s going to hate me.
