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I can’t just stay here, she thought, as if I was waiting for some kind of axe to fall.
She dressed carefully for their meeting, putting on an elegantly cut cream suit, with a long jacket, teaming it with a high-necked turquoise silk blouse. She did her best for her wan face with blusher and eye shadow, but the end result, she was forced to admit, didn’t even approach the kind of radiance she wanted to pretend.
Her train was delayed, and the traffic was heavy, so she was late and breathless by the time she arrived at the terminal. Malory’s flight arrival had already been announced, and the first passengers were already beginning to filter through.
Amanda stationed herself beside a convenient pillar, miserably aware that her mouth was dry and her palms were damp. And what was she going to say to him when he did appear? ‘Oh, hello’ was too prosaic, and ‘Surprise, surprise’ far too flip.
In a perfect world, she thought, his arms would open to her, and she would fling herself into them, and all difficulties and estrangement would vanish like morning mist, without need for words. She could only pray that, when the time came, she would find the right thing to say.
Then she saw him and, in spite of her nervousness, her heart began to thud with heavy, sweet excitement.
He was smiling, and for one absurd, joyous moment Amanda thought he’d seen her through the crowd, and was pleased. Then he glanced down and she saw his lips moving, and for the first time she realised he was not alone.
The breath seemed to stop in her throat. People had moved, giving her a clear view of his approach. And of the girl walking by his side.
Last time Amanda had seen her, she had been naked, but today she was elegant in black, a fun-fur coat thrown around her shoulders, the beautiful face, framed in heavy blonde hair, bright and animated as she looked up at him.
Sudden, terrifying nausea scaled Amanda’s throat. All she could think was, They mustn’t see me—they mustn’t…
The agony of seeing Malory with Clare was enough. She couldn’t bear any further humiliation. She turned clumsily, blundering into someone.
‘ ’Ere, look where you’re going, darling,‘ an aggrieved voice reprimanded her, and she murmured an attempt at an apology as she continued her headlong flight.
Somehow, she found herself in the fresh air, gulping great lungfuls of it as she fought off the faintness which threatened to overwhelm her.
‘Someone I’d come to think of as mine.’ Malory’s words seemed to beat at her brain. And now Clare was his again. Leaving her hurt and frightened, and out in the cold.
‘If you want him,’ Jane said gently, ‘then fight for him.’
Amanda looked at her blankly. ‘Fight?‘ she echoed bitterly. ’With what?‘
‘Oh, come on.’ Jane’s tone was bracing. ‘Let’s not have any false modesty. You’re a beautiful girl. You’re also his wife, and possession is supposed to be nine points of the law. And you’re expecting his baby. Game, set and match.’
‘But he prefers her.’ She could hardly bear to say it. The realisation that Malory had gone from that sweet, fierce, passionate night with her straight to Clare’s arms seared at her. She had not believed him capable of such cynicism. But then, how well did she really know him? she thought with desperate weariness.
‘You don’t know that,’ Jane said. ‘There might be some completely innocent explanation for them being together.’
Amanda said bleakly. ‘Can you think of one?’
‘No,’ Jane admitted, and there was a depressed silence. Finally, Jane said, ‘Are you sure you want to go back tonight? Wouldn’t you rather stay here— pull yourself together a little before you have to face him?’
Amanda shook her head. ‘I’d only have to embark on long explanations for Maggie and Fiona, and I don’t think I’m up to that. I’d better go.’ She gave Jane a faint smile. Thanks for being an angel, and letting me weep on your shoulder, metaphorically speaking.‘
‘The shoulder is always there.’ Jane’s face was sober. ‘You know, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so disappointed in anyone. I only met Malory a couple of times, I know, but I would have sworn he wasn’t that kind of man.’
So would I, Amanda thought heavily. So would I.
The journey back to Aylesford Green seemed endless. It was a slow train and stopped everywhere. And when the local taxi dropped her at the house, she discovered from Mrs Priddy that Malory had telephoned to say he would not be returning that night.
From some inner reserve she hadn’t known she possessed, she managed to thank her quietly and walk upstairs to her room without collapsing.
