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She looked at him in total bewilderment. ‘But you didn’t know me.’
‘I’d never met you’ he said, ‘but I’d seen you— at some rally lunch in the Lakes. Nigel had dragged me there, and I was bored out of my skull. Then, across the room, I saw you—a girl with hair like autumn leaves, and virginal eyes.’ He gave an uneven laugh. ‘I said I didn’t believe in instant bliss. Well, I didn’t believe in love at first sight either, yet there I was, lost, hopelessly and for all eternity. I was on my way to you when I saw Nigel looking at me, then at you. I saw him smile, like the cat that stole the cream, and I stood there, and watched him step in and take you away from me, and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.’
‘You were there—that day?’ Her lips parted soundlessly. ‘But I didn’t realise…’
He smiled at her, putting a hand out to touch her cheek in a fleeting caress. ‘I know, my darling.’
‘But—if you’ve loved me all this time, why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I was terrified I might frighten you away,’ he said simply. ‘You wanted protection from me, not passion. I thought if I held back, gave you time, you might come to care for me—to give me what I wanted from you.’ He sighed briefly. ‘When you came to me that afternoon, threw yourself into my arms, I knew it was too soon—but you were so lovely, so totally desirable, I couldn’t resist you. And, like some adolescent, I lost my head completely—shocked you—hurt you.’
Colour stole into her face. ‘But you made up for that later,’ she said in a low voice. ‘Why did you walk away from me afterwards?’
‘Hurt pride, to some extent,’ he admitted grimacing. ‘And the conviction that you still weren’t ready for the complete sexual commitment I wanted from you. You see, I couldn’t get away from the idea that, in your heart, in spite of everything, you still wanted Nigel.’
‘Oh, you’re so wrong!’ Her voice broke. ‘Malory, I don’t know how to make you believe me, but I began loving you a long time ago, only I just didn’t realise it. Then, that day when Nigel came here and he kissed me—it made me see how I really felt.’ She shivered. ‘When he touched me, I felt sick, dirty, but I didn’t fight him in case it made things worse.’
He took her hands in his. ‘Amanda, why didn’t you tell me he’d been here?’
She gave a little sigh. ‘I forgot. It—it just wasn’t important enough to remember. All that mattered was you—and letting you know how I felt about you.’
His eyes were tender. ‘You have a faultless sense of priority, my sweet, but if you’d mentioned Nigel’s visit, even in passing, I’d have been on my guard. As it was, when I opened that envelope, I felt as if I’d been pole-axed—all my worst nightmares coming true at once.’ He groaned. ‘All my life I’ve been analysing situations and making logical conclusions, but I can’t be rational where you’re concerned. I was too hurt and jealous to even consider the possibility that Nigel was up to his old tricks again. All I could remember was that you’d once told me you didn’t know if you could trust yourself where Nigel was concerned. I began to think that you’d given yourself to me out of guilt—and it nearly drove me mad.’
He shook his head. ‘I’d been out that morning, making arrangements to take you away on a proper honeymoon. On the way back, I’d bought out some florist’s for you. The flowers were there on the desk when I opened the photographs. They seemed to be mocking me—telling me what a fool I’d been.’
She said gently, ‘You threw them away, didn’t you? Mrs Priddy found them, and brought them to me. They made me feel very sad, although I didn’t understand why.’
‘I shouldn’t have left as I did,’ he said, ‘but I didn’t trust myself. I felt I had to get away, lick my wounds in privacy, but it just made everything worse. I kept tormenting myself, seeing you with Nigel—imagining you doing with him what you’d done with me. I thought I’d go crazy, I was hurting so much. I wanted to hurt you in turn, and I did— didn’t I?’
She shivered. ‘Yes.’
He said slowly, ‘I watched you walk away from me, and I thought, what the hell? I love her, and I always will, and even if it isn’t my baby, it’s part of her, and I’ll love it and cherish it for her sake.’
She said passionately, ‘Do you think—do you really think I could bear to have any man’s child inside me but yours? Oh, God, I love you so much!’ She pushed aside the covers, scrambling on to her knees, throwing her arms round his neck and seeking his mouth with frantic ardour.
