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“Fuck, Madelena,” he says against my lips, biting them before he shifts our position, flipping me onto my back on the bed. Again, I see him wince, but he just groans, pushing through the pain he must be feeling and climbing on top of me. His thrusts build in intensity as he rises and crashes against me, rocking into me.
I whimper and cling to him, release so close. I close my eyes and bite my lip.
“Open your eyes,” he says. “I want to watch you. Open your eyes and look at me.”
I do, and our eyes lock, and I don’t know what it is about this moment because I should fucking hate him. After that humiliation, I should despise him. But as I look into those dark eyes, all I can think is that I want him. I want to be here beneath him. I want to feel his strength around me. His weight on top of me. I feel so strangely close to him, closer than I’ve ever felt to another human being.
“I’m going to come,” I cry out.
“Come, sweetheart. Come for me.” He bites my lower lip and, eyes open, I come undone, watching him as he watches me. He thickens inside me and a moment later, he’s coming too, and I cling to him because I want this. There’s nothing else in the world right now but this. Us like this. Him and me with nothing between us.
When it’s over, I lay boneless on the bed. We lie in silence for a long moment as we catch our breath before he retreats to the bathroom to return with a warm washcloth. He cleans me, then lifts me to lay me down so my head is on the pillow.
I lie on my back while he props his chin on his elbow and looks me over. When one hand slides down over my stomach toward my legs, I think he’s going to cover us, but he doesn’t. His face grows serious as his gaze follows his fingers. I hold my breath and watch the top of his head.
He nudges my legs apart a little, fingertips coming to trace the fine lines cut high on my thighs.
I close my hand over his to stop him. “Don’t.”
He meets my gaze but then, ignoring my plea, shifts his attention back to my thigh and continues.
A tear slides down over my temple.
“What does this do for you?” he asks.
I swallow hard. How do I explain this? It makes no sense. So, I shift my gaze away instead of answering.
“No, Madelena. Look at me. Don’t hide from me.” He touches my cheek to turn my face to his. “Tell me.”
I shake my head, suck my lower lip in, feeling my face burn. Feeling exposed.
“Tell me. I want to understand.”
“It concentrates everything,” I hear myself say. “Makes it manageable. I guess.”
He is quiet for a moment. I think he’s processing. “When was the last time?” He must see there are no fresh scars.
“A while ago. Two years maybe.”
“Good,” he says with a gentle smile. “When you feel like you need to cut, you come to me, understand?”
I wipe away tears. “So you can spank it out of me?” I say half-joking, half I don’t know what.
“Maybe.” He grins, pushes my hands away, and wipes away the tears himself. “If it ends like this, why not?” He kisses my mouth, then the tip of my nose before reaching to turn out the light. He draws the blankets up to cover us. “I’m glad you’re safe, Madelena.”
“Thank you for coming to get me,” I say, meaning it. Feeling it in my chest.
If you can hear a man smile, I think I hear it. “Good night, my sweet Little Kitty.”
I curl into him, tucking myself against his chest, not minding the nickname as he wraps powerful arms around me, and I find there’s nowhere else I want to be right now. As I listen to the beat of his heart and feel the heat of his skin, there’s nowhere but here. There’s no one but him.
5
SANTOS
I’m sitting in the living room, watching the fire blaze in the fireplace. I turn the insignia ring over and over on my finger as time ticks by on the antique grandfather clock.
After Madelena fell asleep, I slipped out of the bed and went to get the surveillance footage with Odin. He’d had it hidden in Madelena’s old bedroom under some floorboards. I found an old diary in there but left it alone. I want Madelena to tell me her secrets. I don’t want to take them from her.
