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“I can help clean.”
He almost told her not to worry about it, but there was a note of something almost hopeful in her tone that changed his mind. “Sure. There’s some Tupperware up in that cabinet there for the leftover bacon if you want to start with that.”
“Okay!”
Hopping down from her stool, she practically bounced over to the cabinet he’d pointed to. A lump formed in his throat as he watched her move around his kitchen as though she belonged there. The memory of waking up with her wrapped around him, of mistaking her for Annie before he remembered who she was, still lingered in the back of his mind.
As much as he enjoyed having her around, MaryAnn deserved better than a broken man still in love with his dead wife. The sooner he figured out where the hell Nathaniel Cooke had holed up, the better.
For both of them.
CHAPTER16
It was chillier outside than she’d expected, but still unseasonably warm and not nearly cold enough to warrant thetwosweaters Dean had insisted she wear. Granted, the first one she’d put on was sorta thin, but with all the running around she was doing, she didn’t think she’d be cold at all. And the second one was too big. It made crawling around on the giant playground much more difficult than it needed to be as far as she was concerned.
Standing inside the castle-like fort that topped the ridiculously elaborate swing set, she watched him as he tapped out a message on his phone. She could probably ditch the sweater for a little bit and cool off, and he’d never notice seeing as how he’d had his nose glued to the device in his hand for the last ten minutes.
There was a quiet little voice in the back of her mind that told her she should go down there and see what was so important. Maybe it had to do with Nate, in which case, she really needed to know what was going on.
On the other hand, if it wasreallyimportant, Dean would tell her. Until that happened, it was grown-up business, and she had no interest in being a grown-up just then.
After one more quick check confirmed he wasn’t watching her, she gripped the hem of the second sweater and yanked it up over her head. The bitter December wind chose that moment to pick up, and it seemed like it would slice right through her, but she didn’t care. Wearing two sweaters was stupid.
Free of the extra bulk, she plopped her butt onto the slide and pushed. A giggle escaped as she went flying down the curved plastic, and as soon as her feet hit the ground she was up and running again, back up the stairs for another round.
By the fifth time, her lungs felt ready to burst from the exertion, so she made her way to the swings. Sitting on one, she used her feet to push off the ground, but something was missing.
A Daddy. That was what she was missing. A Daddy to push her so high she could touch the sky. While she didn’t have a Daddy, not really, she had a Dean. And hehadsaid he would help her explore her Little side. So, that should include things like pushing her on the swings.
Right?
But he was obviously busy. Would he be angry if she interrupted him? She doubted he would spank her, since she wasn’t actually breaking any rules. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be irritated with her, though, and the thought of that was even worse than the threat of getting her bottom smacked.
Even as the thoughts swirled in her head, threatening to spiral out of control, she recognized the lies in them. Dean had never once been irritated with her for asking for something she wanted. In fact, it was a rule for her to tell him what she needed, and what she needed at that moment was to be pushed on the swings.
You don’t need his help. You’re just looking for attention.
Stomach clenching with guilt and anxiety, she shook her head. So what if she was just wanting his attention? Was that so bad? Did wanting him to engage with her, to play with her, make her a bad person?
Doctor Jeanine would say no, she was almost a hundred percent sure. Because that same nasty voice she heard in her head was the same one she’d heard for years growing up. And every single time she’d shared what that voice was saying with Doctor Jeanine, she had told MaryAnn the voice was wrong. So it made sense the voice was wrong now, too, right?
Right.
“Dean?”
“Yeah, babygirl?” Looking up from his phone, he grinned. “You want to swing?”
“Uh huh. I was wondering… could you push me? It’s okay if you’re too busy.”
“Too busy to help a pretty Little girl touch the sky? Never.”
Without even bothering to glance at the screen again, he tucked his phone into his pocket and crossed the yard to stand behind her. “Hold on tight, baby. You don’t want to fall off and get hurt.”
Grown-up MaryAnn probably would have rolled her eyes at that. Of course, she knew not to let go of the chains, she wasn’t an idiot. But Little MaryAnn was delighted to have someone who cared enough to remind her, and she tightened her grip hard enough for the metal to leave indents in the soft flesh of her palms.
“Okay! I’m ready!”
Grabbing the lower part of the chains where they connected to the seat, Dean pulled her back inch by inch, all the while making a sound that reminded her of the one time she’d gone to an amusement park on a school trip and her chaperone had finally talked her into riding a single roller coaster. The whole way up, the giant machine had made that sameclick-click-clicknoise. Then, just like now, a nervous sort of excitement had wrapped around her torso, tightening another notch with everyclick.
