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“You’ve already extracted a price higher than I was ever willing to pay.” Nox growled. He unhooked Seline’s hands and stripped the leather manacles from her wrists. Then he swung her into his arms and cradled her close to his chest, like a broken thing.
Without another word, he carried her out of the Punishment Room and down the hallway, away from everyone.
THIRTY-ONE
NOX
Goddess, if this was having emotions, then Nox didn’t want them—didn’t ever want to experience them again! But no matter how he tried, he couldn’t stop having them—terrible emotions filled with dark thoughts that tormented him endlessly.
Look what you did to her! You not only broke your oath, you hurt the very one you were supposed to protect. Oath breaker…Liar…Abuser of helpless females…
No matter how many names he thought of for himself, none of them were bad enough—none expressed his guilt and shame adequately.
Look at the tears in her eyes—the marks on her body—you did that! You hurt the female you were sworn to protect—the woman you love!
Because he did love Seline—didn’t he? Was that the emotion he kept feeling that made him want to hold her and kiss her and protect her forever and never let her go? It must be, Nox decided. And somehow it was the most frightening emotion of all. It was so huge—so overwhelming. So all encompassing and inescapable.
You don’t deserve to love her, whispered the angry, accusing voice in his head. You hurt her! You beat her—wounded her!
Round and round the emotions and self-accusations went, overheating his formerly cool and logical brain until Nox felt as though he was going mad.
He didn’t even realize he was taking Seline away from the Upper Disk until they were in the lift going down.
“Nox?” she whispered, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. “Where…where are we going?”
“Back to the ship,” he ground out, and it suddenly made sense to him. “We never should have stayed in that fucking place to start with! If we hadn’t, they couldn’t have made me hurt you!”
Which was no excuse—Lendrex might have ordered the beating but Nox himself had wielded the crop.
“But…but then we never would have found out that he has the other half of the Far Box,” Seline pointed out, swiping at her eyes.
“I don’t give a fuck about the fucking Far Box—do you hear me?” Nox growled. “I don’t’ give a fuck about anything but keeping my oath to protect you! But I broke it just now—broke it by beating you myself!”
They were back down in the Tangle at this point and he was striding along through the crowd of merchants and buyers. All of them made way, their eyes wide. Perhaps they didn’t see a seven-foot-tall Kindred warrior carrying a naked female in public very often. Not that Nox cared.
Seline’s eyes widened.
“Nox, no!” she protested, sniffing and wiping her eyes with her fingertips. “No, it’s not your fault! I begged you to do it, remember?”
“I hurt you,” Nox growled hoarsely, refusing to listen to her words. “I broke my oath. For that, I deserve death.”
“What?” Her brown eyes went wide. “Nox, no—don’t say that! You can’t mean that!”
“I will, of course, make certain you are in a safe place before I do what must be done,” he said stolidly. “But I cannot live with what I did to you.”
“Nox!” she cried, but they were out of the Tangle proper and back to the corridor leading to their docking berth by now. He opened the ship’s outer door, made certain it locked behind them, and carried her into the bedchamber, where he deposited her on the bed.
There, he left her.
THIRTY-TWO
SELINE
“Nox? Nox! Where are you going?” Seline cried as the huge warrior turned abruptly and left the bedroom. She tried to scramble off the bed to go after him, but the stinging between her legs was intense.
Panic filled her—had he suddenly turned suicidal? That was what it seemed like.
This is all my fault! she thought wildly. If I hadn’t asked him to beat me—I should have gone in the Ghost Box instead! He’s having all kinds of emotions and he doesn’t know how to deal with them now and I’m the reason why!
“Nox!” she called, as loudly as she could, though her voice was hoarse from crying and gasping during the beating. “Nox, please, come back! Please don’t do anything we’ll both regret!”
Suddenly, he reappeared in the doorway.
“I have already done things I regret,” he growled, coming towards her. He had something in his hands, Seline saw—a piece of blue cloth. He pointed at her. “Lay back on the bed—on your side,” he added.
Seline wasn’t sure where this was going, but she did as he said. She was simply grateful that he wasn’t somewhere trying to off himself.
Nox sat on the bed beside her but she couldn’t see what he was doing, since she was lying on her side facing away from him. Suddenly something cold was pressed against her bare backside.
