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“Nah. You could take all night, and they wouldn’t care. Even if they did, Liv and Brooke are keeping their asses under control. They’re worried about you.”
Her reply came automatically, as though she read it from a script. “They don’t need to be. I’m f—” God. How many times had she said that since her release? How many times during her incarceration? Countless.
Jinx watched her with a raised eyebrow.
With a sigh, she stared at the white ceiling, then back at Jinx.
Fuck it.
“I just got out of a seven-year stint in prison. I was eighteen when I went in. A kid. Now I’m twenty-five and free. Every single thing in my life is new and different. Everything. From having a job to driving a car to drinking that whiskey. I missed it all. And suddenly, I’m expected to jump into all this shit I’ve never done. One day I lived behind bars, and now I live…” She shrugged. “Now I live. I survived the arrest. I survived a bullshit trial. I survived my mother dying while I was in prison. And I survived my sentence. Now I’m surviving this enormous change. And tonight, I’ll survive this. I’m fine because I have to be. There is no other option.” She stood as emotion began to well up inside her. She’d never forgive herself if she broke down again in front of this man. “I’m ready to talk.”
She turned her back on him, but before she could take a step, a warm, calloused hand circled her wrist, preventing her from walking away. Questions had to be bouncing in his brain. There was no way he wouldn’t want to know the details of what she’d word-vomited all over him. What she’d been apprehended for, and if she’d done it. Why? All the dirty details people would be curious about for the rest of her life. Would he ask? Would he demand she unload more of her secrets?
“You left out a word.”
Harper tilted her head. Shock kept her from forming words. His eyes held a somber sympathy she hoped didn’t extend into pity. Pity sucked, and she didn’t want it from anyone. Especially not a big, strong man who made her knees weak.
“Alone. You survived all those things alone, Harper. You’re not alone anymore. You’re never alone when you’re part of this club. And we never need you to be fine.”
His words should have made her feel better, but instead, they were a knife to the heart. Brooke and Liv employed her. She wasn’t actually part of this club and would never be anything more than the girl on the outside looking in. The employee. She wouldn’t let herself be more. Never again would she trust someone enough to influence her life like she’d trusted her boyfriend all those years ago.
But she’d revealed enough of her sad truth for one night, so she gave him a small smile. “Let’s get this over with. I’m tired.”
He frowned as though her answer left him unsatisfied, which it probably did, but she couldn’t give him anything else. Not tonight, and maybe not ever.
“Your call,” he grumbled as he stood.
It was her call. She had control over her own life for the first time in years and was able to make her own decisions. It was a precious gift she wouldn’t sacrifice for anyone. Not even a gorgeous man claiming his shoulder was one she could lean on.
She nodded, after which he released her wrist. The urge to circle it with her fingers to prolong the feeling of connection hit strongly, but she ignored it as she did so many impulses.
Not five minutes later, she sat at a table in the clubhouse with Curly, Spec, Tracker, Jinx, and their women. A second drink sat on the table in front of her. She tipped it back and drank as quickly as she’d downed the first. Liquid courage, they called it.
“I’m a bit of an ice cream fiend,” she said with a self-deprecating smile. “Now that I can go to the store whenever I want, I can’t seem to buy enough.”
Tracker and Spec’s brows furrowed like he couldn’t figure out why the hell she wouldn’t have been able to go to the store previously. Nice to know their girlfriends hadn’t spilled her secrets. Curly knew, but he was the one to help Brooke with the background check. She didn’t have the energy to divulge her depressing truth again, so she pushed on before anyone could pick up on the odd phrasing.
“I stopped to buy some on my way home. I’m not stupid,” she said when Spec side-eyed her. “I parked under a light and paid attention to my surroundings. Anyway, I couldn’t have been in the store more than five minutes, but when I returned, the light had gone out. I used the flashlight on my phone so I’d have some illumination as I walked to my car.”
