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His sudden smile seemed to scrape her skin. 'Good guess,' he said softly. And now—goodnight, my little ice angel. Enjoy your dreams—if you can.'
The door closed behind him. Cally sank down on the edge of the bed, staring at the panels, wishing she didn't feel so lost.
It was just the first step, she tried to tell herself. The initial move towards the inevitable, irrevocable separation between them once the baby was born.
Just one of so many difficult decisions ahead of her, she thought achingly.
And the most important of those was to try and find some way, even now, to stop loving him.
CHAPTER TEN
Cally gave her pillows a last ineffectual punch, then sat bolt upright, glaring into the darkness. She said aloud, 'Oh, this is ridiculous.'
She was tired to the bone, so why, then, couldn't she sleep? At one moment she'd felt too hot, so she'd kicked off the covers. The next she was dragging them back because she was cold, which was ludicrous on a warm summer night.
She'd turned so restlessly and so constantly from one side to the other that her nightgown had become twisted around her. imprisoning her like a straitjacket, and the damned pillows felt as if they were filled with lead instead of feathers.
She'd closed her eyes so tightly that they ached, but it was useless. She was still wide awake, and she knew why.
Because with Nick gone, the big bed seemed a vast empty wasteland. Subconsciously, she realised, she was reaching for him, and finding only loneliness. And it was no good telling herself that it was something she had to get accustomed to, when she might as well be lying on razorblades.
I can't go on like this, she told herself, wriggling to the edge of the tumbled bed. She freed herself with difficulty from the stranglehold of her nightdress, shaking out its folds, then reached into the drawer of the night table for the torch that was kept there in case of power cuts. After all, she didn't want to attract too much attention by putting on main lights, she thought as she trod silently across the room to the communicating door.
She paused in the passageway, listening, but there was no sound from the room at the far end, and it seemed safe to slip into the bathroom.
She hadn't investigated all the mirrored cupboards too minutely, but she knew one of them held first aid materials, so surely there had to be some kind of medication that might help her. Somehow she had to get some rest, she told herself through gritted teeth as she switched on the torch and began her search. But, apart from some basic painkillers, there was nothing. Not even a cold remedy.
Nick, it seemed, didn't suffer from the ordinary human ailments—and certainly not insomnia.
Cursing under her breath, she pushed the tubes of antiseptic and packets of plasters to one side, so that she could reach the back of the glass shelf, only to find them spilling out on to the tiled surface beneath, knocking over various jars and bottles on their way and sending Nick's aftershave crashing into the basin.
In the stillness of the night, the noise seemed like a thunderclap, Cally thought frantically. She made a grab to stop other containers rolling on to the floor and dropped the torch, which promptly went out.
'Oh, no,' she wailed under her breath, as she went down on her knees, feeling for it in the darkness.
Only to find, almost before she could draw another breath, the bathroom flooded with sudden light and Nick's astonished voice saying. 'What the hell...?'
She looked round defensively as she retrieved the torch. 'I'm sorry. I was trying to be quiet.'
'Heaven forbid you ever try to be noisy.' His tone was caustic. He walked forward, tightening the sash of his robe, and inspected the broken bottle of aftershave in the basin. 'Pretty drastic measures,' he commented. 'I didn't realise you disliked it so much. I can't say I care for it much at this strength.'
'It was an accident,' she muttered, scrambling to her feet. 'I was just looking for something to help me sleep.'
'Were you indeed?' Nick said, too pleasantly. 'I'm afraid you won't find it, and even if you did you're taking nothing that hasn't been prescribed for you, because I won't let you. Do I make myself clear?' He waited while she nodded reluctantly. 'Now, go back to bed,' he directed, 'while I clean up this mess. He walked past her and opened the bathroom window.
'What's the point of going to bed when I can't sleep?' Cally said rebelliously.
Nick looked at her, sighing faintly. 'Maybe you should keep off coffee after dinner,’ he said. 'Would hot milk help? Shall I fetch some for you?'
'I—I don't know.' She hesitated. 'I've already caused you enough trouble.'
He said curtly, 'You don't know the half of it.' He came over to her, and before she could stop him picked her up in his arms and started back with her to her room.
