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Nick's tone was strained. 'Mother, I—I can't believe this. How did you find out?'
'In the usual sordid way,' his mother said ruefully. ‘I used a private detective. Oh, I was accustomed to your father's endless philandering—all the one-night stands that he assured me weren't important to him, even though they mattered to me, hurt me very deeply.'
She shook her head. 'But somehow I knew instinctively that the relationship with Barbara Miller was different. And I told myself that I deserved to discover the truth.' Her smile was sad. 'Perhaps I even believed it. I certainly wasn't expecting details of a full-blown liaison that had been going on for months, ever since her husband had gone abroad on some academic exchange scheme. Because, frankly, that wasn't how it worked with Graham. It was invariably a brief fling, then back to me to play the repentant model husband. But not this time. He was moody, preoccupied. Too distracted to cover his tracks properly.
'The report from the detective explained why. Apparently, Barbara was pregnant, and Graham, who had totally refused to have more children after Nick was born, was jubilant. Planning, in fact, a whole new life with this younger woman.'
Cally's heart was resounding like a triphammer, and she couldn't look at Nick. She didn't dare in case the tight knot of misery in her chest exploded in tears.
She said shakily, 'Cecily—please. Don't do this to yourself. There's no need...'
Ah, but there is, her mother-in-law corrected quite gently. 'It's something I should have spoken about a long time ago, instead of burdening my poor Nick with all this guilty secrecy—and nearly wrecking his life into the bargain.'
She looked down at her hands, twisting the thin platinum wedding ring. 'At the time, my dears, that was the very last straw—the moment when I decided to accept that my marriage was over and resume my own life, my career.'
Nick went on staring at her. 'But there was no divorce.'
'He never asked me,' Cecily said simply. 'Because Mrs Miller changed her mind and decided to stay with her own husband.' Her mouth curled slightly. 'Apparently she'd been to the States to visit him, and would therefore be able to convince him the baby was his. Very convenient. Later, I gather, she came to regret her decision, and the affair was resumed. Graham even secretly contributed to his daughter's support,' she added with a faint grimace. 'But there was no more talk of marriage, and by this time I was spending the greater part of my time abroad, and wasn't around to be caused more pain.
'But I still couldn't let it go somehow. Then Barbara died, and her husband moved away, so your father was forced to lose touch with Vanessa. And I presumed—hoped—that would be the end of it. That I would never again have to acknowledge the existence of this child who wasn't mine. I hadn't allowed, of course, for Graham confiding in Nick—making him become involved too.' She smiled at her son. 'Wasn't that what happened?'
Nick nodded, his face sombre. 'It was when Dad was dying. He sent for me—made me promise that I'd find her—be a brother to her. Make sure she wanted for nothing. But all in the strictest confidence. Neither you nor Geoffrey Miller were ever to find out.' His laugh was brief and harsh. 'I wasn't happy about it, but in the end I did as he wanted. And I really thought I'd managed it, until now.'
'I was very angry with you at first,' his mother said. 'But I soon came to see that you were trying to behave decently in an impossible situation. More sinned against than sinning. Also that it had all happened a long time ago, and really didn’t matter any more.'
She sighed. 'I only wish I'd told you so, there and then, and saved all this heartache. We could easily have left that nice, trusting man Geoffrey Miller in his fool's paradise. I quite saw that he shouldn't be wounded in such an appalling way. But I—I should have had the guts to be honest.'
She was silent for a moment, then she shook herself, as if she was dispensing with unpleasant memories.
'And now, my darlings, you have to be honest with each other.' Her tone was brisk. 'Nick dear, I suggest you take your wife somewhere quiet and private, and try to set the record straight.' She reached for the newspaper lying beside her on the sofa and folded it at the crossword. 'I'll tell Margaret not to wait dinner for you,' she added serenely.
Cally's breathing seemed to stop suddenly. She felt angry, remorseful and scared, all at the same time. So she'd been wrong—completely and terribly wrong—about Vanessa Layton, but that changed nothing else. There was still a huge unhappy question mark hanging over her marriage. And being alone with Nick—as past experience had shown—was no guarantee she would receive the answers her lonely, frightened heart demanded.
