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“Because I think it would be a good test of the people I meet,” I explain, because I have put some thought into it. “I say hello, they go to shake my hand, I offer the hook. I think I would be able to tell a lot about a person, depending on if they shook my hook.”
His smile makes me feel happier than it should. Do I actually want him to enjoy my non-sexual company? That would be a strange thing to want from someone I don’t even particularly like that much.
“I think that’s diabolically brilliant, actually,” he says, snagging a few slices of sea urchin from their bed of shaved ice. “I hope you don’t mind my asking about your hand.”
“No. It’s not like it’s a secret that I lost it.” Well, I didn’t lose it; I know exactly where I left it. “In your investigation… did you ever find out how the guy managed to.” I wave my stump. “You know?”
Nathan takes a sip of sake. “Unfortunately, no. But a friend in London knows someone who might.”
“The same guy who’s checking out the binding?” I ask.
Nathan nods. “The very same.”
“I’m surprised he hasn’t figured it out yet. Greater London has so many resources.” Considering our efforts to merge the two packs, it seems like they should be working on the investigation together, as well.
“Our expert isn’t in Greater London.” Nathan glances over his shoulder briefly. “Our visit to him will be an unofficial one. Completely off the record.”
“So, we’re going to get up to intrigue?” I’m not sure why it’s so exciting to me. All the intrigue I’ve dealt with so far has sucked.
“People don’t tend to announce it,” he says, holding my gaze so I understand what he’s saying.
I hold a finger to my lips. “Say no more.”
After dinner, we sit on the little sofa and Nathan turns on the television. I curl up in the corner with a cashmere throw. “Don’t ask for my preferences,” I tell him as he selects a streaming service. “I’ll be asleep.”
“You’ll be jetlagged,” he warns. “We’ll be arriving around three in the morning, and you’ll be wide awake.”
“You underestimate how tired pregnancy makes someone,” I inform him with a yawn.
“Really?” He turns slightly, the tv momentarily forgotten. “Because you’ve been up most nights, lately.”
“That’s… different.” And I wish he hadn’t pointed out that difference. For just a few hours, my brain has been so overwhelmed with shiny new information that I’ve been able to keep my guilt and grief in the back of my mind. Now, icky feelings that would be easier to ignore become so insistent that ignoring is no longer an option.
“I know it is,” he says softly. “You could talk to me about it, you know. I’m not a complete monster. Just a bit of a dick.”
“Oh, a bit?” I snort a laugh. But he’s trying to open up to me. “I don’t think you’re a monster. But I don’t know how interested you are in what I’m going through. You once said you didn’t need to get to know me.”
“I did. That wasn’t fair,” he admits. “I kept you at arm’s length at the beginning of all this. Partly because the binding terrifies me.”
“Is there something you should be telling me about it that would terrify me, too?” I ask. “One of us isn’t going to explode or something, right?”
“No, I don’t foresee either of us exploding.” He shakes his head. “I was afraid that I would grow to… like you. And this thing that we can’t explain would change or go away and I would be left…”
“Liking someone who doesn’t like you back?” I nudge his leg with my bare toes. “You know I don’t like you, right?”
“I never would presume otherwise.” He smiles to himself. “But yes. I didn’t know what the binding was, but I knew it wasn’t normal. And I didn’t want to get hurt.”
“Because you’ve been hurt before?” I imagine some long ago love, a broken heart that never healed, that maybe only the right person can heal.
Yes, fix Nathan. That’s a healthy project, I chide myself.
“No.” He shrugs. “Because I’ve never been hurt before.”
“And why start now?” I finish for him.
He leans forward and I push myself up to meet him. My head swims and I offer up no resistance when his mouth covers mine. The kiss is slow and gentle, and our bodies fall into a perfect fit. For just a moment, it feels different to be with him. The binding doesn’t fuel any urgency. I don’t want to rip both our clothes off and get in his lap.
It feels… real.
He leans his forehead against mine and whispers, “There’s no time like the present.”
CHAPTER 55
It’s surreal to be back in London. Though I’ve only been gone a few months, it seems like a totally foreign place to me, despite having been my home for five years.
