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But that feeling was short-lived when I glanced to my left and saw the figure of the person who had haunted me for almost four years: Kyland. My heart bounced around in my chest like a ping pong ball and I sucked in a breath. He had a little boy on his shoulders and Shelly was behind him, laughing at something the boy was saying. Kyland turned around and said something to her too, and then laughed. I watched as he swung the boy to the ground, the boy squealing and laughing. He took his hand as they continued on.
I clutched the steering wheel as my eyes filled with tears. The air felt sharp, as if it were made of a million tiny razor blades. It hurt to breathe. Oh God, it hurt to breathe. All these years I’d tortured myself with the picture of Kyland as a dad—Kyland as the dad to someone else’s kid—but the reality of it pierced me so deeply, it was a physical pain. It was true. Kyland had a child—a son.
Breathe, Ten. Breathe. I sucked in another small, tortured breath.
What the hell had I been thinking coming back here?
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Tenleigh
I didn’t run into Kyland again that week. Not that I’d run into him exactly—I didn’t think he’d seen me, but I made it a point to steer clear of anywhere I thought he might be and that included Main Street.
I’d pulled off the road that day and spent twenty minutes in my car, just trying to breathe normally again. And then I’d gathered myself together and driven to the lot where the school would be built. Jamie was already there, waiting for me. He had taken one look at my face, asked, “Kyland?” and when I’d nodded, he had wrapped me in his arms. I hadn’t truly suffered over Kyland Barrett in years, and suddenly just a brief glimpse of him and I was a mess. So yes, taking the back roads might seem cowardly and slightly pitiful, but at least for the time being, I was just fine with being a pitiful coward. Hiding was less painful.
With new perspective, I saw how dinky and sad the small library, that had once been my refuge, really was. I stood looking around, hardly able to fathom that a construction crew would be here in less than a week to tear the shed-sized building down and start pouring the foundation for my school. Today, I was going to start clearing out the books that the high school in Evansly had agreed to donate to the new school library.
Truthfully, it didn’t look like anyone had set foot in this place since I’d been gone. It wasn’t even worth having someone lock and unlock it.
So many years ago, I’d lobbied for a library in Dennville and helped it become a reality. How surreal that the school I’d lobbied for would be built on the same lot. And yet so perfectly fitting.
I took a moment to picture the building that was planned. I had a drawing of it back at the trailer and I looked at it when I needed to remind myself why this was going to be worth the emotional hardship I might have to endure by being back in Dennville.
A deep, fortifying breath buoyed my resolve. This wasn’t about me. This was about the kids who might have more choices because of this school. This was about giving someone else the same opportunities I’d been given when I won the Tyton Coal Scholarship. This was about remembering that, although it was hard for me to be here now and it had been hard for me to grow up in a place so lacking in so many ways, because of that scholarship, I had choices. I could do anything I wanted with my life—I could go anywhere I wanted to go. That scholarship had set me free—from poverty, from hopelessness, from the limited opportunities of the life I’d been born into.
I stepped into the library, a box in my arms, the smell of dust and old paperback books transporting me back. For just a moment I was seventeen again, sitting at the desk right there at the back of the room, dressed in old, worn clothes, homework spread out…
At the back wall, I set the box down and ran my hand along the books, almost expecting to see a small piece of white paper sticking out of one. Memories bombarded me and I shut my eyes, holding back the tears that threatened.
“This place still smells the same,” I heard behind me in a low voice.
I whirled around and sucked in a breath. Kyland. My heart practically jumped out of my chest.
Our gazes held for several long beats.
“H-Hello,” I finally said.
Hello? That’s what you come up with after all this time? Hello? Excellent job.
