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“I don’t understand. You were going to leave. You were never going to look back. If Joey really isn’t yours, if you lied about that to make me leave, then why stay?”
I glanced at the door. I could barely remember my name right then and I needed to form cognitive answers. “It was just for the best. I realized Dennville is my home. I decided to stay. That’s all.” She looked unconvinced but remained quiet. “I better go. I’ll be late,” I said.
“Okay. I’ll see you later then.”
“Yeah,” I said, feeling hopeful for the first time in nearly four years.
“Have a good day… at the mine.”
“You have a good day too, Tenleigh.” I didn’t kiss her again. She looked so conflicted. But I wasn’t quite ready to take my eyes off her either. I didn’t want to leave. Like before, I never wanted to leave. I started backing out. When I got to the door, I pushed it open with my back, my smile increasing. She shook her head, but smiled back as the door shut between us. Outside, Jamie was sitting in his car talking on his cell phone. I gave him a brief wave as I got in my truck and pulled away.
As I drove, I felt the euphoria expand in my chest of having just touched Tenleigh, of having been inside her. God, I could still smell her sweet, musky scent on my fingers. I hoped I’d said enough to convince her that I still loved her, that I’d never stopped. Things were still up in the air, but I finally had hope—something I hadn’t had an ounce of for four years.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Tenleigh
I stood staring at the closed door after Kyland left. I wasn’t sure what to think, what to feel. What was I doing? What were we doing? Was I really even entertaining the possibility of starting something with Kyland again? Was I really willing to put myself in a position to start loving him again? Had I ever really stopped?
Had I really just stripped my pants off and had intense sex with him up against the library wall?
I groaned and brought one hand to my forehead. I didn’t know what to do.
The door to the library opened and Jamie walked in. “Hey, you okay? You look sick.”
“I think I am. Unfortunately, there’s no medication for my ailment.”
“I hear heroin shuts out the pain.”
“Simmer down, pillbilly. I’m not on the road to illegal self-medicating just yet. However, the operative word is yet.”
“Well, you let me know. I hang on the corner of Gutter and Skinsores and I could hook you up.”
“Oh, I bet.”
He came over to where I was standing and leaned against the shelf. “Kyland? I saw him leaving.”
“Yeah,” I breathed, staring straight ahead. After a minute I turned to him. “I just can’t go through what I went through after he broke my heart,” I said. “And I don’t know if I trust him not to pull away from me again. Things are.” I frowned, searching for the right explanation. “I don’t even know exactly. I feel like he’s not telling me something.” There had been a shadow over his expression, a shortness to his answers when I’d questioned him about the mine… “And if that’s the case, should I really resume any kind of relationship with him again?” You sorta just did, Ten. Yeah, but perhaps that needed to be a one-time thing. A brief physical encounter. Nothing more.
“If you don’t try, you’ll never know,” Jamie said.
“Maybe that’s for the best.”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “You’re the only one who can make that call.”
“I was kinda hoping you’d just tell me what to do.”
Jamie chuckled. “I’m the last one you should ask for advice. Unless it involves how to cope with parents who believe you were born with an embarrassing, inoperable ‘condition.’ Then I’m a font of wisdom.”
My heart hurt for him. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Is your mama still giving you the silent treatment?”
“Yeah.” He looked crushed. “I expected it from my dad. We never saw eye to eye on anything—never had much of a relationship. It’s not like I ever had his approval. I certainly didn’t expect him to embrace this. But my mama, I thought she’d at least ignore it. And I… I hoped…” His words died.
“I know, Jamie. I’m sorry.”
“My dad is such a fucking asshole, in so many ways, you only have some idea.” His lips formed a thin line. “The way he treated your mama, that’s how he treats his workers, his family, everyone—a means to an end.”
“I never thought about that before I knew you,” I said. “I guess I kind of always thought he treated us like trash because that’s what he thought of us, that we were in some separate category for him.”
“No. I was worried about how he acted when he came to give you that scholarship. I was worried about how you must have felt to have him in your home…again.” His eyes darted to me and away, finally resting on the wall in front of him. He felt the shame his father never had. Jamie.
