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Jace didn’t remove my hand, but he also didn’t acknowledge it. My heart pounded out of my chest, and I swear he could hear it, feel it, sense it.
As soon as he parked the car, he opened the door and exited. I stayed seated for another moment, trying to gather my bearings for what was still to come. He knew I had questions attacking the forefront of my mind rapidly, yet he didn’t try to comfort me in the least.
Yesterday proved one thing, and one thing only. I was his weakness, and I wasn’t aware if it was a good or bad thing yet. I decided I needed to put on my big girl panties and ignore the ache in my chest trying to overpower me.
Inhaling a deep breath, I stepped out of the passenger seat, immediately peering up at him. I searched his eyes for the answers I desperately sought but he showed me nothing of the man who was so caring, loving and attentive the day before.
It was obvious he didn’t want to provide me with any ease or reassurance. That’s not what this was about, it was the exact opposite, and I understood that instantly with his ominous stare and hard as fuck composure he was pulling on me.
“Come on.” He nodded, leading the way deeper into the garden.
He walked like a man on a mission.
Like a man on death row.
Almost like he was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and I was simply along for the ride, hanging on for dear life. A life I still wanted with him. Today’s outcome wouldn’t change my love for him.
He trudged until there were no more steps to take.
Until the doubt.
The fear.
Were alive and present, standing by our sides.
“Jace, what’s going on?” I asked, unable to hold back my worry. “Why are we here?”
He didn’t falter, putting an end to the fantasy I had created in my head.
“Her name was Hope.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, listening intently to what he was about to share with my heart in my throat.
“She was my best friend’s fiancée.” He paused to let his words sink in. “Before I killed him too.”
I jerked back. “What?”
“You heard me.”
I shuddered, sucking in a breath.
“This is my life, Cove. People die around me, some of them from my bare hands while others were from my gun and rifle. My hands are covered in blood. I’m surprised you can’t see it, but I know you can feel it.”
I stepped toward him, but he stepped back.
“I know what you do is dangerous, but I also know there’s a reason for it, so tell me what happened. I want the whole story.”
He openly shared, “He saved my life in the line of duty, and before I could thank him, I killed him. How’s that for a story?”
“Jace…”
“I brought her here. To the exact spot you’re standing in right now.”
“Why?”
“She was the only one who understood what it was like to lose him. She was also the only one who understood what it was like to lose myself in the process.”
“Does that mean you were together?”
“Not in an intimate way, but that didn’t matter to me.”
“Then in what way were you to each other?”
“It started off as letters and turned into something else entirely. I told her things I’ve never told anyone. She was easy to talk to, and I never had that before. I lost my mom a year prior, and I never mourned her. I didn’t grieve her death. Instead, I lost myself in my career until she wrote me one day, and we began our relationship.”
“So what happened?”
“I took care of her and sent her money. I even got her an apartment for her and her unborn son.”
I lightly sucked in a breath. “She was pregnant?”
“Yeah. He was so excited to be a father. He talked about Hope all the time. He was almost fucking done, Cove. It was almost time for him to live a normal life with the family he always wanted.”
I swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”
“He begged me to kill him, pleaded with me to take his life. He wanted to die with honor, and it was the only thing I could do for him at the moment. I promised to take care of Hope and his son, and I did. I followed through, and in the process, I thought I fell in love with her.”
I winced. Now that was the hardest part to hear.
“But it wasn’t love. It was just trauma bonding. It’s exactly the same reason you feel like you’re in love with me.”
“Don’t!” I shouted harder than I intended to. “That’s not fair. My feelings aren’t like yours. This isn’t the same situation.”
“I don’t fucking love you, Cove! Do you hear me? You’re nothing but my little sister’s best friend! You mean nothing to me! Do you understand me? Can you fucking hear me for once?”
