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I reject the thought outright because I don’t need anyone. Relying on people just gives you something to grieve when you lose them. And there’s no amount of happy right now that can make that worth it.
Chapter 38
Ugly
Nothing has felt right for the last two weeks.
Today as some of us hang out in the garage is no different.
Two of the teams are working in South America, and I have a feeling I’m the reason my team didn’t get picked to go. Maybe it’s because we’re still a man down. Bishop has stabilized but he hasn’t regained consciousness. The doctors are hopeful he’ll wake up, but they won’t even speculate on how he’ll be when that happens.
I keep catching Slick and Aro making eyes at each other, and it’s not that it bothers me, but they think they’re being inconspicuous and boy are they wrong. It’s as if they’re playing out some fantasy, building anticipation for a later rendezvous.
It makes me miss her more than normal which is saying a lot because Lennox Maison is always on my mind. She infiltrates my dreams, stars in every fantasy I manage to conjure.
She’s everywhere but here.
I catch both Jinx and Thumper glancing in my direction more than once. I’ve been part of this before, been one of the ones expected to give an opinion when one of the guys are on the outs with their girl. When I stepped in here and Slick handed me a beer, I thought for sure this was an intervention.
It still feels that way, but no one is mentioning Lennox. I’m waiting for it because I’ve built up the argument in my head. I have all the fucking answers, the biggest one being Lennox isn’t the type of woman you throw over your shoulder and demand she love you. She’s had enough of people trying to make decisions for her. I won’t be another person she has to add to that list.
Half of me imagines her pining over me. The other half knows better.
The sound of gravel crunching under tires draws our attention, but it’s Jinx that stands to go see who has arrived.
I take another sip of my beer, knowing they won’t get started on giving me shit about my personal life until he gets back.
The crazy thing is that I think I may want to talk about it, but in a way that will lead to answers because the complete silence is quite possibly killing me.
She left the hotel room without so much as a whisper, yet somehow it was the loudest thing I’d ever heard in my entire life. She made it clear what she wanted. Her expectations were in her choice.
Contacting her, trying to insinuate myself into her life, wouldn’t be welcome. It might possibly be the first time I went completely against my own judgment. She issued a wordless command, and I obeyed, despite the pain and anguish it caused me.
I look up when a shadow crosses the front of the garage, but it isn’t Jinx returning.
Lennox stands there, her eyes locked on me.
As if this entire day was somehow choreographed, everyone else stands and leaves.
I know they’re giving me privacy, and I seriously appreciate it. There’s no need to witness this beautiful woman ripping my heart out, and that’s how I have to view it. Getting hopeful she’s here for any other reason will only leave me more devastated than I was waking up alone in that hotel room.
“Hi,” she says softly, her eyes still locked on me.
I feel entranced by her as much now as I always have. It started that day in the gym and has yet to release its hold on me.
“I heard the kids splashing in the pool behind the clubhouse,” she says, walking a little closer.
She swings her eyes to the right, and suddenly I feel a wash of relief as she focuses some of her attention on the tools lining the far wall.
“There are extra bathing suits in the pool house if you wanted to take a dip,” I say, my voice sounding distant in my ears.
“I may take you up on that some other time.”
I watch as her finger traces the edge of the workbench. It’s not inherently sexual, but my body doesn’t care. Every damn thing about this woman turns me on. It’s impossible to be near her and not think about getting her beneath me.
I shift in my seat, watching as her lip twitches because she doesn’t miss a damn thing. My attraction to her is an open damn book, and I don’t know if I should like it or hate it.
“The weather—”
“Lennox,” I groan. “Really? The weather?”
She chuckles as if she was going to keep up with stupid fucking small talk until I changed the subject.
“I enjoyed the time we spent together.”
Honestly, that conversation isn’t any better either.
