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Bishop drove me crazy and simply smiled for a moment as he mentally walked through the obviously fond memory. “He asked if I was going to show his list to Uncle Cohen and giggled when I said I thought it was a good idea. Practical, you know?”
Nodding, I leaned over and kissed him gently. “Yes, at the very least I should know what his limits are if we’re going to be doing…anything together.”
Bishop waggled his eyebrows. “I think that anything was the reason he kept giggling. Little Ian seemed to find the naughty things big Ian wanted to do hilarious.”
That was so easy to picture I found myself chuckling.
“What did he say when he was big again and filled out the list?” Ian was definitely the overthinking type. “Was he stressed?”
“Some…but not as much as I’d expected him to be.” Bishop took a moment to process the question. “He seemed to be making an effort to clearly articulate his answers to my questions.”
Biting his lip, he looked thoughtful but a bit conflicted. “I think it’s because he wants to move forward physically, but I don’t want to rush him and he doesn’t really find it easy to talk about until he’s turned on and then I worry that he’s not thinking clearly.”
It was like they were running in a circle and getting nowhere.
But I wasn’t going to criticize him for it because we were doing something very similar.
Pot, meet Kettle.
“First, we’re going to start with a simple reminder that he trusts you.” Period. That was one of the most important things that Bishop needed to keep in the front of his mind.
When he gave me a begrudging nod, I continued. “Second, he has his safewords, and as long as you trust that he’ll use them, you need to trust him to use them.”
It was a slightly mangled sentence, but I could see the moment it worked through his brain. “I haven’t shown him that I trust him?”
I wasn’t sure about that, but it was a good place to start. “I think you’ve just been second-guessing him on a few things. You trusted him a lot when you listened to what he wanted with regards to a relationship with me and with his little stuff.”
He’d even trusted Ian and taken him at his word when Ian said he needed us to be tested before we moved forward.
Nodding slowly as his mind whirled, Bishop took a breath. “But I’ve been less trusting on the physical side. I think that’s partly because he struggles to talk about it and things quickly shifted to being the three of us together, not just me and him.”
“The dynamics changed very quickly.” I leaned over and kissed Bishop’s head. “What did his list tell you that he wanted?”
Bishop closed his eyes, probably picturing the lists as he worked to answer the question. “He indicated that he was green on a variety of acts of physical intimacy and I even included separating questions dividing it into him and me and the three of us.”
Good idea.
Barking out a laugh and surprising me, Bishop grinned. “When I asked him about it, he said he was bright green in a curious tone.”
Yeah, I should’ve gone over everything in more detail before Bishop had come over.
Trying not to laugh and get distracted by how cute that would’ve been, I stayed on track with my questions. “What are the differences between the limits?”
My mind jumped to a few possibilities, so I was surprised when he shrugged and looked almost confused by the question.
“None.” Blinking, he stared up at me curiously. “Why would there be?”
It was a very Bishopy question…and one I didn’t have an easy answer to.
“I was thinking because he’d been closer to you longer, but maybe that’s just how I saw it.” It wasn’t like I was a stranger to Ian. “Let me look over the answers again. Alright?”
He nodded, relaxing patiently and closing his eyes as I pulled up the list on my phone. It was a terrible way to study it, but I slowly worked my way through the questions looking for patterns.
“You’re right. A lot of the things he mentioned being curious about but not having tried yet are impact play types of activities and mild pain.” Before I’d gotten to know Ian, I wouldn’t have guessed this was his list.
“I feel bad that I would’ve never associated some of this stuff with the quiet little at Leashes & Lace.” Was I more judgmental than I’d thought?
Bishop snorted. “Why should you have been able to guess how dirty his fantasies are? All he talked about with his friends was being little. Liking being watched and wanting to be in a threesome weren’t things he talked about…unlike a lot of his coworkers. Did you know—wait. Never mind. I’m not sure he said that to just me or to everyone.”
