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“Bahwoo?” I say softly, imitating Scooby Doo being offered a Scooby Snack. “Captain Morgan” is the nickname of Kat’s tattooed brother, Ryan. So, that’s my silly way of saying, basically, “When did Henn meet Ryan?”
Henn chuckles at my goofy reaction—by this time, he understands all my Scooby-Doo-inspired shorthand. Smiling at me, he says to Ryan, “Well, let’s just say if I were a superhero in a comic strip, my name would be ‘Captain I’m-So-Fucking-Awesome!’” Henn winks at me, confirming I’m the source of his awesomeness. The phone still pressed against his ear, Henn takes a seat on the edge of my bed, so I sit next to him. Henn says, “So, I take it you’re calling because you’re losing your fucking mind about Samantha?”
I pull another Scooby Doo face, this one conveying my confusion about Samantha. Who’s that?
After pausing to let Ryan talk, Henn says, “Well, first off, you sound like the Energizer Bunny on crack right now. And second off—wait, you’re not on crack, are you?” Henn pauses to listen and chuckle. “Oh, good choice. Love that guy. And, second off, when I met you at the Climb & Conquer party, you looked like a man on the verge of a nervous breakdown back then, so I can only imagine how perilously close to the edge of the cliff of insanity you’re teetering a full four weeks later.”
Well, that answers question number one: how Henn met Ryan. It happened at the Climb & Conquer party. Was I on the dance floor when that happened? Probably. I bet Kat made the introduction when I was dancing with Sarah. For a long time, Kat was nowhere to be found.
“Holy shit,” Henn says, responding to whatever Ryan has said on his end of the call. “It’s been six weeks since the party? Wow, time flies.”
The timer on my phone goes off, telling me it’s time to pull my cookies out of the oven. With a little squeeze of Henn’s thigh, I pop up and head into the kitchen where I don oven mitts and pull the sheet pans out, muttering happily to myself about how perfectly the cookies have turned out.
After a few minutes, Henn walks into the adjacent living room and sits on the couch, his phone still pressed against his ear. “Plus, besides all that,” Henn says, “Hannah finally moved to LA, so I’ve been having fun with her. Fun fact: when your amazing girlfriend finally lives in the same city with you, working twenty hours a day doesn’t seem nearly as exciting as it used to.” He pauses again. “Yeah, thanks, but your happiness for me isn’t keeping you from going batshit crazy, is it? You’re completely obsessed, aren’t you?” Henn pauses. “Yeah, that’s what all madmen call it.”
I begin transferring my freshly baked cookies to a wire rack for cooling. But midway through my task, my phone pings with an incoming text from Kat, asking for my advice on some jerseys she’s planning to give to all guests at her destination wedding in Hawaii next month. Kat says each guest’s jersey will be emblazoned with a cute nickname across the back, and she’s wondering if she should use “Henn” or something else for Henn’s jersey.
Kat: Henn is technically his nickname. But since literally everyone calls him that, it feels more like his actual name. Should I come up with something silly and cute for him?
Me: What about Henny or Peter the Great?
Kat: I like Peter the Great!
Me: Actually, wait. On second thought, don’t use that. I only call him that in sexual situations.
Kat: Bwahahaa!! You think that will deter me? Honey, it only seals the deal.
Me: If you use that, he’ll know I told you and he’ll feel embarrassed to wear it all week in front of everyone.
Kat: Embarrassed to be called great in bed? Pfft.
Me: Henny is shy about stuff like that.
Kat: Okay, fine. I’ll use Henny, but only because you’re my favorite bridesmaid.
Me: Gasp! What would Sarah say?
Kat: Loophole! She’s my matron of honor.
Me: Haha. Clever girl.
I ask Kat how the rest of the wedding planning is going, and Kat calls me, rather than texting the whole thing.
“It’s going as easy as pie,” Kat says, “thanks to T-Rod being such a fucking superstar.” Josh’s trusty, longtime personal assistant has taken the laboring oar on the couple’s whirlwind wedding planning, including commanding a literal army of wedding planners to bring Josh and Kat’s vision to life in record speed. From what Kat’s told me, the happy couple quickly settled on hosting a weeklong destination wedding in Maui, with everything for everyone paid for by Josh. But since they also decided to get hitched before the arrival of their baby girl, and also with enough time to get back home and nest for a bit before they become parents, that only gave poor T-Rod and her wedding army a two-month window after the proposal to throw the whole thing together.
