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“But Kat got that offer, too,” Hannah says, looking perplexed.
“Yeah, I figured if you weren’t naïve enough to click my link, then Kat would be, and then I’d be able to get to you through her.”
“So, now you’re calling me naïve?”
“In terms of phishing, yes. If Kat clicked the link, then I knew I could get into your devices through hers, thanks to the remote server you both used to log into work.”
Hannah looks like she feels physically ill. Violated. “Have you been keeping tabs on my devices every fucking day? Do you eavesdrop on my conversations and texts and—"
“No, no. Never. Like I said, I only peeked at your stuff once and never again. I swear on my mother and father that’s the truth. But even then, I didn’t look at anything confidential, like your finances or medical info. I didn’t even look at any of your texts or emails.” An idea hits me like a thunderbolt. “You once told me you googled me. Well, what I did is the hacker equivalent of that. But like I said, everything I saw only made me realize I shouldn’t have bothered because we were so compatible. Did I get some good ideas for gifts and dates I could plan? Yes. I admit that. But that’s it. Beyond that, everything that’s ever happened between us has been real and organic.”
Hannah flops into an armchair. “Tell me every gift or date you’ve planned that derived from something you learned about me through hacking me. Don’t leave a goddamned thing out.”
This is a nightmare. I take a deep, long breath and puff out my cheeks on my exhale while plopping myself down onto the couch. I gather my thoughts, briefly, and then proceed to tell Hannah everything I’ve ever done, big or small, that had anything to do with something I learned through hacking her. It’s not a whole lot, really. The flowers. The tickets to the comedy show. Our late-night, private visits to the video arcade and planetarium. Also, I admit I saw a couple necklaces she’d purchased that made me think to buy her one as a gift one day.
The only thing I don’t mention is that motherfucker, Greg Smith. Hannah still hasn’t told me about him, and there’s no way in hell, when I’m fighting for my life here, I’d ever admit I’ve known about that motherfucker since basically day one of our relationship. If I tell her that, and that I perused her draft protective order, then I’m sure she’d ask if I’ve hacked him, and then I’d also have to admit I’ve been gleefully administering vengeance upon him in a slow drip for the past two months. No fucking way.
When I’m done talking, Hannah silently stares at me for a long moment, apparently trying to figure out how she feels about all of it. About me. What does she believe? And what she can forgive? Finally, without saying a word, Hannah puts her face in her hands and bursts into tears.
“Aw, baby.” I get up and touch her hair. “I’m exactly who you think I am. This doesn’t change anything. I love you so fucking much.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” she says between sniffles. “There’s so much about you I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you got down on your knee at Jonas and Sarah’s wedding with the intention of proposing marriage to me before you’d even bothered to tell me that you’re not, in fact, in cybersecurity.”
Bile rises into my throat. “Yeah, that was a mistake. I realize that now. I’m sorry.”
“What were you doing in DC all those weeks? Was it something horrific and horrible that would make me want to break up with you? Is that the real reason you won’t tell me anything about that?”
Oh, Jesus. She’s lost all faith in me, obviously, and in anything I’ve ever told her.
“No, it was something good and noble. It’s the thing I’m most proud of that I’ve ever done, as a matter of fact, and I’m dying to tell you and everyone I love about it. But I can’t.”
Hannah wipes her eyes. “That’s the thing that hurts the most. I feel like I’m not even the bull’s-eye in the circle of everyone you love. I feel like you tell Josh and Reed way more than you tell me. And yet, I’m supposedly the one you want to marry.”
I’m speechless. How did this situation spiral out of control like this? I never saw it coming.
“I need time to think about all this,” Hannah says. “Will you please sleep in Reed’s room tonight? I want to be alone.” She wipes her eyes again. “Also, I’m going to Seattle tomorrow. I need to see my therapist in person. I want to cry on my sister’s shoulder, too.”
