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“I can choose to do that?”
She smiles. “Yes. But more on that later. What other mistakes are you scared about repeating?”
“Well, Angus. Not that I think Henn is anything like him. In fact, Henn is the polar opposite of Angus in every way.”
“Okay, then it doesn’t sound like you’re worried you’re being gullible with Henn, the way you were with Angus.”
“Correct.”
“You said you’re almost positive Henn was telling the truth about seeing that stuff on your phone only after your first date. So, it sounds like you feel violated that he looked through your phone, understandably, rather than actually disbelieving you two are genuinely compatible.”
I pause. “Yes, I think that’s true.”
“In that case, do you think that’s a boundary you could set with Henn in the future—that he’d never look at your phone again without your permission? And if so, do you believe he’d respect that boundary?”
“Yes, he’s already said, repeatedly, he’ll never do it again, and I believe him. But let’s not forget he also asked a friend to help my sister get into UCLA, even though I asked him not to do that.” Obviously, I couldn’t tell Bettina that Henn hacked into UCLA, any more than I could tell her he’d hacked me to see my phone, but I think my substitute stories work just as well for my purposes.
Bettina nods. “He’s made mistakes, for sure. The question is—and correct me if I’m wrong—are those mistakes the death knell of the relationship, or a launching pad for discussion and boundary-setting going forward?”
My heart is racing. I think Bettina thinks my relationship with Henn is salvageable, despite the shit he pulled! What a relief.
When I say nothing, Bettina asks, “In other words, do you think it’s within Henn’s character to learn from his mistakes and respect your stated boundaries? If you were to tell him, ‘Hey, you did X thing and that’s a dealbreaker for me,’ do you think, going forward, he’d respect that?”
The answer is suddenly obvious to me. Crystal clear, in fact. “Yes. Henn said he’ll do anything for a second chance. He’s even offered to go to couple’s therapy with me, if that’s what I want to do.”
Bettina smiles. “Do you want to give Henn a second chance, Hannah?”
My chin trembles. Shoot. I thought I was done with tears, but they’re suddenly springing into my eyes. “So much, it hurts. I miss him so, so much. I love him.” That’s it. My tears are flowing again.
Bettina hands me the whole tissue box this time. “Then give yourself permission to use this as a teaching moment and give the man a second chance.”
I wipe my eyes. “You don’t think it’d be stupid and naïve for me to do that? I can be really naïve, Bettina. I know that about myself.”
“I think you’d be following your heart. And I think he’s shown remorse and a willingness to change and learn. Nobody’s perfect. Not Henn. And not you.” She looks at me pointedly. “On that note, there are probably some things you haven’t gotten perfectly right, either. Things you maybe haven’t gotten around to telling Henn yet that maybe you should have by now?”
My stomach twists. “Uh. Yeah. That’s probably a true statement.”
“Probably?” She suppresses a smirk. “How much have you told Henn about your relationship with your father?”
I shift in my seat. “I’ve told him a few things. But I haven’t talked his ear off about it or anything.”
“Why not?”
“It just never comes up.”
This time, Bettina tilts her head and flashes me one of her patented looks—the one that says, “You’re full of shit.”
Now, I’m literally squirming in my seat. “It’s not something I like talking about, that’s all. The fact that my father would rather gamble at a casino than pick me up for my tenth birthday, like he promised, makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me to this day. It’s embarrassing.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“I know that, intellectually. But I’m just saying that hurt doesn’t go away, and I don’t like going into detail on things that make me sad.”
“Interesting,” Bettina says. She leans back. “How much have you told Henn about Angus?”
“Angus?” My stomach tightens. “Why would I tell Henn about that?” When Bettina doesn’t answer, I add, “Okay, in my defense, the only people I’ve ever told about him are you and my friend, Kat. I haven’t even told my sister.”
“You haven’t told Maddy anything about all that?”
I shake my head. “The whole thing happened when she was rehabbing from her car accident.”
“And what’s the reason you haven’t told Henn about it?”
I think about it for only half a second before the answer pops into my head, clear as a bell. “Because I’m embarrassed.”
“Could it be you don’t want Henn to think less of you for falling for Angus’ manipulations?”
I exhale. “Correct. I don’t want Henn to think I’m a gullible idiot who was so desperate for love and male validation, I fell for a romance scammer. Who does that?”
