Page 87 of Hacker in Love


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My heart is thundering. “And then what happened?”

Henn shrugs. “Jonas ran off to talk to Sarah, who I think asked T-Rod to get you because you were in the bathroom, and Reed stayed behind to try to talk me out of it.” He scoffs. “I wish I’d listened.”

I touch his face. “You didn’t do anything wrong, honey. It was a swoony, sweet, adorable gesture. The thing is I’m not entirely convinced marriage is the right thing for me with anyone. It has nothing to do with you, personally.”

Henn looks shellshocked. “You never want to get married?”

“I wouldn’t say never. I’m not against marriage. I think marriage is a lovely, romantic ideal.” I pause, remembering myself saying yes to Angus during the darkest period of my life. Talk about a sign I needed to get my ass back into therapy. I exhale and say, “Practically speaking, though, I think a person can get all the upsides of marriage with a life partner without risking a messy divorce later on if things don’t work out. Divorce rates are high, you know? And breakups are hard enough without involving lawyers and legal paperwork.”

“But the risk of it getting messy later on is the whole point. Don’t you see? Both people are saying, ‘I believe we’ll defy the odds, baby! I’m in it to win it with you, no matter how hard it might get—no matter the risks or the odds!’”

Henn looks like I’ve punched him in the face, so I snuggle close to him on the bed and hug him. “Thank you for being ready to say all those things to me.” I run my hand through his wavy hair. “I can promise you this: if I ever do decide to get married, it’ll be to you and nobody else.”

I thought my pronouncement would thrill Henn, but he looks only confused. “What about the photo, though?” he asks. “I thought it meant you’re dreaming of a husband and a baby.”

I furrow my brow. “What photo?”

“On your dream board.”

My lips part in surprise. I have no recollection of showing Henn my dream board, but I guess I must have. Was I drunk, so I forgot the next day? Or is it that I’m too drunk now to remember?

“The photo on my dream board means I want to find my life partner,” I say. “My soulmate. And, yes, I’d love to have a baby with him, too.” I stroke Henn’s hair again. “I’m just not positive I need marriage as part of that dream.”

Henn takes my hand and kisses it. “Because of your parents’ divorce?”

“Maybe. Probably.”

“Any other reason, you think?”

Oh, I dunno. Maybe that I said yes to marrying a fucking scammer, and now I’m deathly afraid my picker is wildly defective? “Nothing specific that I can think of, no. Like I said, never say never. I’m just not willing to jump into a legally binding forever too quickly. What’s the rush?”

Henn processes that. “Fair enough.”

“I’m glad you understand. So, about T-Rod.”

“Remember when we saw Reed talking to her? It turns out, he was asking her out.”

I gasp. “On a date? What’d she say?”

“She said, ‘Thanks, but I’m not dating right now because I’m nursing a broken heart.’” Henn snickers. “I don’t think anyone’s ever turned Reed down before. I think he’s now—how shall I put this?—even more intrigued.” He chuckles. “Oh, and did I tell you Reed told me not to propose tonight?”

“You mentioned that. What, specifically, did Reed say about that?”

“He goes, ‘It’s way too soon, Peter!’ And I was like, ‘But she might say yes!’ And he goes, ‘And what if she does? Do you really want your future wife to get engaged to you for the one and only time without a fucking ring on her finger? Think, Peter, think!’”

“Well, he had a valid point there,” I mumble under my breath.

“Reed always calls me Peter when he thinks I’m a dumbfuck.”

“You’re not a dumbfuck.” I stroke his hair again. “You’re a sweet, kind, romantic man who’s had a lot to drink.”

“Nah, I’m a dumbfuck. I should have listened to Reed, instead of Jonas. I thought because Jonas had just gotten married to his dream girl he’d be the expert in the situation. I mean, for fuck’s sake, Reed’s never even been in love. Plus, he’s said a million times he’ll never get married, the same as Josh.” Henn chuckles. “Although in Josh’s case, I guess he was just waiting for the right woman, without realizing it. Never say never, right?”

I gasp. “Josh wants to marry Kat?”

“Oops.”

I sit up and stare down at Henn’s wide eyes. “Tell me everything right fucking now.”

Henn grins. “You’re pretty.”

“Tell me about Josh wanting to propose to Kat.”

He sighs. “Kat’s mom told me that’s what he wants to do. Apparently, she gets loose lips when she’s drunk, same as me. Ha.” He puts his hand to the side of his mouth and whispers, “Josh’s plan to propose to Kat is a big secret. I promised Kat’s mom I wouldn’t tell anyone, so don’t tell Kat or anyone else what I told you.”

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