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I’ve finally found my place of Zen.

The peace I’ve been chasing for months and months.

And all it took was stabbing this motherfucker in the dick.

The smell of piss and shit hits my nose, but I don’t stop.

I don’t stop until my arm is so tired I can barely move it.

The physical limitations of my body reining me in, I yank the knife out one last time and lean back on my heels.

I’m in such a weird headspace, in such a euphoric daze, it takes a few seconds for my vision to come back into focus.

To see exactly what I did.

Martin probably doesn’t have any cock left. Or balls. Or thighs.

The thighs… The muscles in his thighs must have been what gave me all that resistance. Gave me the visceral satisfaction of destruction.

From the hips down, he’s a bloody, shitty, shredded mess.

No longer screaming, he makes loud wheezing noises, like his lungs have fluid in them. Head dropped forward, his entire body trembles violently.

I wonder if he’s going into shock. He has to be close, if not already there.

My own body still buzzing with the high of endorphins, I’m not sure how long I stare at him, minutes or seconds, before he weakly lifts his head.

Eyes tortured and full of pain, he asks, “Why?”

I’ve been waiting for this question since I first stabbed him, but I’m not sure how to answer it.

If I can answer it.

There are so many reasons, so many valid reasons.

The second he stated his full name and title, I realized where I recognized him.

He’s one of the names on my list. One of the fuckers in the precinct that aided and abetted the Russians. He may have not been directly involved in the market or kidnappings, he may have only turned a blind eye for some extra cash, but his actions affected me.

Affected my friends.

Lindsey is dead. Fucking dead. She’s never coming back.

He could have stopped it. He could have done his sworn fucking duty to protect her.

To protect me.

But he probably doesn’t give a shit about women.

That was evident with the way he threatened Lucifer. Threatened to visit his wife with his corrupt cop buddies.

And he thought he could bully me into releasing him.

Why? Because I’m wearing a fucking dress?

He’s skated so far through life on privilege and connections, he’s too stupid to realize what I realized the moment I set eyes on him.

He was already dead.

I could tell him. I could take the time to speak every word. To say it all out loud.

But frankly, he’s not worth the fucking breath.

I’m not completely cruel, though.

Gripping the wet knife tighter, the muscles in my arm screaming in protest, I smile at him and give him his reason. “Because you called me a bitch.”

I let that stupid fucking excuse sink in. Let him chew over my words and get angry and confused by them.

Then I put us both out of our misery.

Lunging forward, I bury the knife in his throat.

Eyes going wide with shock, he tries to speak, moving his lips. But all that comes out is bubbles of blood and spit.

Straightening, I watch him choke to death on my blade.

I watch the light go out of his eyes and see a flash of Lindsey’s face. See the moment when her eyes dimmed.

Cold washes over me. Cold and numbness.

And I feel a little sick.

Killing him wasn’t nearly as satisfying as stabbing him. But it was a mercy.

A mercy he probably didn’t deserve.

Someone starts to clap. A slow, appreciative clap.

I tear my eyes away from Martin’s empty gaze to see Lucifer applauding.

“Well done.” Lucifer grins.

That grin is so terrifying, I feel my soul leaving my body.

There’s no reason for him to keep me alive. Especially after what I just did…

“It lacked a little… finesse, and wasn’t exactly what we had planned, but it was well done, regardless.” Lucifer turns his grin to Simon. “Wouldn’t you say?”

Simon’s jaw tightens and I must be on his shit list again because he says, “She’s completely unhinged.”

Lucifer’s grin only grows. “Aren’t we all?”

Simon sniffs and opens his mouth to say something back but quickly presses his lips together.

Turning back to me, Lucifer says, “You’re hired, Miss Bower.”

I blink at him in shock. There’s no way I heard him right.

Yet Lucifer slightly inclines his head and asks, “I expect you can start immediately, yes?”

Speechless, all I can do is slowly nod my head.

I have no fucking clue what I’m being hired to do, but I guess I’ll take it over certain death.

Lucifer claps his hands together. “Excellent. Simon, get the paperwork together.”

Simon glares through his glasses at Lucifer. “For the record, I’m completely against this. I still feel this is a mistake.”

Lucifer rolls his eyes. “Duly noted.” Then he motions toward the desk. “Miss Bower, if you’ll please. We need to discuss a few boring details, such as salary and benefits.”

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